Scared of everyone...(don't think it's triggering but it might be? I'm sorry if it is...)
After I started remembering the sexual abuse I suffered as a child, I started being scared of men, especially at my Church. The hardest part is that I'm starting to be scared around my own dad. I know he would never do anything to me, we were always pretty close, but he doesn't know and he's way too physical with me sometimes for my own comfort. He sometimes whacks my butt (not hard but still) and kisses my neck sometimes. It makes me cringe and I often end up moving away from him when he does that. I can tell that hurts his feelings. Then the other night, he started snuggling with me but then he started tickling me everywhere. I laughed and shrieked cuz I'm ticklish but it really scared me...someone tried to rape me last year and he started by tickling me. My dad said something about yea, I know that's inappropriate all sarcastically. It's hard to tell him to back off because he goes from being super close to showing no emotion whatsoever or even yelling.
Although the outer scars will fade,
The inner ones need time to heal.
Well last night I tried to tell him to please not tickle me anymore...then he got offended and when I tired to explain about the sexual abuse he cut me off and wouldn't discuss it.
Although the outer scars will fade,
The inner ones need time to heal.
When I get scared of guys I know I tend to panic a lot, which doesn't help matters. There's a breathing exercise I do to calm me down (breathe in for a count of 4, hold it for a count of 7, and release it for a count of 8), making it easier to think and understand rational thoughts rather than "everyone's going to hurt me".
My dad is like this too, I'm sorry he's not listening to you. Kudos to trying to explain though, that takes a lot of courage. Could you perhaps say that you're growing up now and don't like the contact as much? Everytime he gets too close keep telling him; sometimes it takes a long while to get the message through to people.
Katie's asked a good question though - where is your mum in all this? Does she know about the abuse, or about how your dad's behaviour makes you feel? If she knows, could she have a word with your dad and ask him to back off a bit?
*offers hugs* you're doing a really good job of surviving this, hang in there sweetie xx
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
It's alright to be scared of people, but not everyone is going to hurt you. There are some really horrible people in the world, but the rest of them wont hurt you at all. They wouldn't even think of it.
I agree with scáth.
A very very well done for you trying to explain to your dad, it must have been really hard for you.
*offers hugs*
My mom thinks I'm being silly, being afraid. She keeps telling me that my dad would never do anything (I know that already), and that I should just get over it. She also wants to confront the men that did it to me to "give them a chance to apologize." Oh and "I have to forgive them or the devil will take me over." That's the doozy. My parents are kinda harsh "spiritual."
Although the outer scars will fade,
The inner ones need time to heal.
You don't need to forgive them until you are ready. And if you're never ready to forgive them, then that's okay. In my opinion, it's an unforgivable crime, so I don't see why people should pressure you to forgive, and use religion as a threat.
I don't know where in the world or how old you are, but is there any possibility of seeing a counsellor to talk about this? Or does anyone else know what's happened that you think could help you explain to your parents that sexual abuse seriously messes with our heads and we can't just "get over it".
Alternatively is there a quiet moment that you could sit your parents down and explain calmly that, while you know your dad wouldn't hurt you that way, certain behaviours will trigger the memories for you. It's not a reflection on your dad's character, more a reflection on the brain's way of coping with the abuse right now. I'm not sure how your parents would take it, but I know mine always thought I was accusing them of being bad parents, and I had to think of ways to get my point across without them misinterpreting it as me "attacking" them...
edit: the religious parents comment was rude of me, I apologise.
Last edited by ghosts in the machine : 31-12-2008 at 12:31 AM.
Reason: adding more
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
I don't really have any advice, but I wanted to say that my dad acts in a very similar manner, and it makes it hard for me, because I don't really like to be touched....
I'm really sorry you're going through this, and it was very brave of you to try and discuss it with your father. *hugs*
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
is it just me or do religious parents see everything as black and white, whilst we only see shades of grey? my parents are more religious than me and i get the whole not uderstanding thing, infact my mum wanted to report me for child abuse as my attacker was younger than me!
mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
