Triggering (SI/OD) - In my own little world

[melda]

I feel like I am going into my own little world where no-one can enter. The voice in my head is getting so strong and it is filling my head with self harm and suicidal thoughts. It is also taking me deeper into my ED. An answer could be to tell the voice to go away, but it is passing its thoughts off as my own, so I dont know which are my own thoughts and which are the voices thoughts. Because I am quite intelligent I possess the skill to think myself out of a situation or a problem, but this time I just cant do it. I cant think outside of the box. I need to speak to my psychotherapist, but I dont see him again until the middle of January because that is when he gets back. I have tried talking to the crisis team, but they were of no help.

I can see my parents are hurting because I am going backward and I am not accepting help. But the voice is putting thoughts in my head that I dont care about them and that I should just care about myself and my problems and carry on like this eventually to kill myself. It is making me break down relationships so that I can kill myself conscience free.

That totally sounds like Im shirking responsibility, I am blaming my thoughts and my actions on the voice, when I should be taking responsibility for all this and it is my fault.

I just dont know what to do and I dont know how to get out of this.

[Stellata]

Reaching out is the best thing you can do for yourself right now.

I know from personal experience, this very day with my parents, that opening up and reaching out is the only way out of such withdrawal. It can be unsettling, but it's all you can do.
I've done the whole withdrawal and isolation into the internal 'fall out shelter' and it doesn't help.

[ravynsoul]

*offers hugs* I agree with Katie that you should reach out... maybe someone else can help you distinguish between what your thoughts are and what the thoughts of the voice are. Did your pdoc leave a number of anyone to call if you needed help?

[melda]

Yeh, they gave me the number of the crisis team and I go to a day hospital for people with mental health issues. I tried ringing the crisis team, but they just said that I should talk to the say hospital. I might talk to them, but it will be so complicated because they think I am doing really well, but I dont really have a choice because I cant carry on like this, Im sure they can help me.

[ravynsoul]

Let us know how talking to them goes.

*offers hugs*