'an alcohol problem'

[TheHeroYouHate]

For so long, mental health 'professionals' have been telling me i have an alcohol problem, and i've always disagreed but now i may actually have one.
I'll explain more:
It started when i was in year 9 at school, i fell in love with alcohol i guess, i drank most days (it only takes like half a litre of 5% to get me drunk by the way so i've never been someone who drinks in huge quantities) but it stopped in year 10 because my anxiety (mainly a fear of sickness) made it harder for me to drink.
I drank a 'normal teenage amount' in year 11 i guess, although i have always used it as a coping mechanism/form of self harm.
im now in college and mental health teams have basically screwed me over now and are completely focusing on what they call an alcohol problem, and i think it's ridiculous, this was about a month or 2 ago - they said i cant have medication because i drink too much, and various other negative things to do with my drinking.i do understand that medication works badly with alcohol, but what i dont understand is that they are saying i have a problem because i use it to cope with problems, yet are treating it as if i drink in huge quantities when i never have, and never will because i have a fear of sickness.
but i got scared today because, well i woke up with a headache and i was meant to be going to the arcade with my boyfriend and his best friend but i said i'd stay home because i felt anxious and ill.About 10 minutes before he was due to leave, my boyfriend said 'he's bringing a 70cl bottle of vodka, we're gonna get smashed!' and i burst into tears because i couldnt bear the thought of them getting drunk and me not being there.
i made him wait for me to get ready so i could go with him after all, even though i badly needed to shower and felt ill.I also put 5 cans of strongbow and a bottle of wine in my bag to take with me jsut in case.it turned out his friend didnt bring the vodka, and in the end i only actually drank one can of strongbow!
im so confused by my own behaviour.
honest opinions please?

[Misunderstood.]

To me it seems that you think you need the alcohol, and a fair amount of it to, when you actually don't.
Like a psychological dependence on there just being alcohol 'available' to act as a safety net. Something to fall back on in case you can't cope with a situation or feeling and want to block it out.
The fact that you don't need to drink a lot of alcohol to become drunk means it's just as much of a problem as if someone who needed a large amount of alcohol to attain the same effect.
If it's any consolation, if I find out anyone I know is drinking I immediately feel jealousy and the compulsion to drink whether I had planned to beforehand or not. It's like a trigger, so I can relate to that.

[TheHeroYouHate]

I completely agree that i always want alcohol to be available.
I've had a bottle of whiskey in my cupboard for 6 months, with a tiny bit left, because i dont want to finish it.
The fact that i'm 16 so can't guarantee that i'd be able to get it when i need it makes it hard too.
I feel like other people dont deserve alcohol because they don't love it like i do.
:S

[Misunderstood.]

I completely understand, like you think they shouldn't be drinking because they don't appreciate it as much as you do or take it seriously enough even. Or that's how I see it with me anyway.
It's quite a desperate and dependent way too feel.
What part of the effect that drinking alcohol has on you do you feel that you crave or always want the access of?

[TheHeroYouHate]

Yes, thats completely how i feel!

I have no idea really; i love feeling like the world has less edges and it makes me feel a bit like a superhero really I guess.
I just like everything more if alcohol is involved.

[Misunderstood.]

Me too, exactly.
I guess the trick would be to look at ways too decrease your anxiety and in turn increase your confidence without it. But it's difficult (and also very hypocritical to advise that as I haven't taken my own advise any time recent).
In my opinion the feeling of being under the influence can never be matched by anything else or as good as anything else otherwise it wouldn't be a resort gone to every time. There would be an alternative of which there isn't. (The whole reason the drug, alcohol becomes addictive and hard to give up; it can't be replaced)
I'm sorry that I can't offer anything worthwhile in order to help you but I really do understand where you are coming from.
If you put to your psychiatrist that you would be willing to stop drinking for a fixed amount of time in order to be prescribed a anti - anxiety / anti depressant, he / she may be inclined to go with the plan..but I won't pretend that that would be anything like easy or even an inviting thing to consider. x-x-x-x