just me

Kangaroo · 24-12-2008, 12:13 AM

Hiya. Sorry I havent really been posting lately. I'm having rather a tough time. I went to see some friends at the weekend who were in the same hospital as me and we all talked and joked about the stuff we got up to. Problem is - i want to get back to then, when nothing was expected of me. I could self destruct as i liked. I have Chelsea now (dog) who I love more than i thought i could possible love anyone or anything so she's my reason for keeping it all together. If i ODed, she would be straigh in the boarding kennels. If i died she would be straight back to the RSPCA. I cant let that happen - I love her too much. I've been over a year without cutting but i want to again now. I seem to be thinking about it on a daily basis. It doesnt help at all that its xmas and my brother is back. He did some **** to me when we were kids and its still screwing me up. My mum has no idea and there is no way i'd tell her. She simply wouldnt believe me. My disabled aunt is coming for 3 days as well and she is so difficult. Also, she might well overdose on my medication and then i would completly lose my mind. I had being part of a family and having to do things together, especially as i often get overlooked when my brother is here and no one bothered to tell me what is going on. E.g. yesterday i thought everyone else was having dinner. it turns out dad and brother had gone shopping and never told me, and i needed them to buy something for me.

OK, my moaning rant is over. Just some support and hugs would be greatly appricatiated please

teenytineytori · 24-12-2008, 12:30 AM

i am sorry things are difficult. i think that maybe you should seek some professional help. it sounds like things are getting overwhelming for you and that you have some issues that you have no dealt with effectively about your brother that could thwart your happiness. and od'ing is never the answer. ((hugs))

Kangaroo · 24-12-2008, 12:56 AM

I am in therapy. I go twice a weekbut because of xmas i havent been for a week and i will be in hospital when im supposed to start back so it will be ages before i see her again. Ive got no one else to talk to. Sorry, i should have mentioned that.

Sigma · 24-12-2008, 07:32 AM

how long are your brother & aunt there for?

Can understand what you say about hospital - in some ways it makes things very simple. But in the long run it's a substitute for the important things that are in the 'real world', and like any substitute it's never as good... unfortunately those things can take a long time to find in the real world - but it sounds as if you are finding them? A year without cutting is amazing, give yourself the credit for such a big acheivement... (and your dog looks very cute! what's she chewing up?)

ravynsoul · 24-12-2008, 12:32 PM

*hugs* How are you doing today? I don't have much to offer support-wise, but just letting you know I'm listening and am here to offer as many hugs as you need. Take care!

Kangaroo · 24-12-2008, 02:50 PM

My aunt is here until boxing day and my rbother is going home for a few days and then comes back for another week. I'll be spending lots of time in my sitting room watching TV. I'm feeling pretty bad stilltoday and i shattered becuase ive just got back from a long walk

In the photo chelsea is ripping the tennis ball off a rope, then pulling the rope to bits. And she only had the toy for 15 minutes.

Sigma · 25-12-2008, 09:32 AM

I hope you're doing OK - your aunt goes tomorrow? something to look forward to?

Funny about the toy! she looks like she has loads of energy...