I had a bit of an epiphany! *Hope this doesnt trigger, I don't think so but be careful just incase*
I was having a conversation with a close friend today about my scars.
We sat with tea and a cigarette and inspected them. Yes, I'm strange.
I was explaining them to her, why I did it and why I no longer do it.
She knows most of this I think but she listened politely as if she didn't so I'm not sure!
I said this in a thread I have just replied to and thought it might provoke some Veterenary thinking!
Basically, I seem to have decided I'm not ashamed of them. I realised that, although I'm not "proud" of them, I don't mind them being noticed anymore. Yes it can be a bit uncomfortable but I think they make me who I am.
Although I'm not defined by my past it has had a profound effect on my personality. That's par for the course. And I believe I'm stronger BECAUSE I struggled, not despite that struggle. Some of who I am is because of the pain I felt, the suffering and the bad. The good has blossomed because I was hurting and I now know how to appreciate the wonderful moments I have, be it friends, family or my Husband. And the highs might even be higher because the lows were so far down. I don't know. But whether I'm just more observent, more perceptive because of my past, or whether it's all psychosomatic I think I might finally be free of it all.
(I don't know how any of you feel about yours, and if you're not ready to talk about it or it's too painful/fresh, then don't. I'd rather not upset anyone. But this is just a feeling I had that I wanted to share with you all.)
Yep, I never know how to end my posts!
Much love,
Iz x
Last edited by UbermoronicismAgain : 23-12-2008 at 01:03 AM.
Reason: One of my sentances made NO sense AT ALL!
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
I had mine operated on but that was becasue they werent healing right, never going to fade and had to get the scar tissue cleaned out and all that other fun stuff. but no, i'm not ashamed of them. I've had a LOT of young people I work with, listen to me when I talk becasue of what those scars obviously represent. They've given me strength i didn't use to have and they're part of what has made me who I am.
*licks*
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
i love you Izzie, so much.
I'm so glad you feel this way and have come to a place where you can 'accept' them...and move on. I'm not quite there yet, I'VE accepted them, i htink, but i'm not ready for others opinions just yet. It's still too raw. That and the ew ones are very obvious after all these long years of being so careful. I havent come to terms with them yet....im trying
This is a post i will come back to and keep in mind. You've done one awesome in sharing this (thank you!!!) because you have made me think a little different and perhaps soem acceptance will come my way too sooner tan it would have otherwise, so thatnk you again.
Love ya hun
romp
I think I've accepted my scars now. I went swimming a lot while I was pregnant and it did me good physically AND mentally - I didn't get any comments and having my bump and being on crutches meant I was so distracted that I didn't really care if people stared!
The only time I feel very selfconscious about them is when I'm with family, because only my mum knows about my self harming, so I have to keep them hidden from everyone else, and come up with excuses if someoene sees anything. That makes me feel worse than when I'm in Stoke (away from family) and dont have to worry.
In fact, thats the one thing I'm worried about this xmas - I want to visit family, and I will, but I feel horrible when I'm constantly worried about hiding scars.
Meh.
But yeah, I'm pretty accepting of them really. If it wasnt for some of those scars, I might not be here, if you know what I mean. Sometimes it's the brave thing to do, to stop anything worse from happening.
I'm so glad I did the right thing writing this out. I felt like I should share it but was a bit unsure how people would feel about it.
I think the acceptance has to be deep and true within yourself loooong before you can think about other peoples reactions. Having stopped so long ago I suppose I've had time to let it all sink in and learnt to adapt to the reactions I usually get.
Like most of you, my family don't really know. Mum does and so does her sister. Step-mum knows but I will never know if she's told my Dad, he would never mention that for as long as he lives I wouldn't have thought.
But no-one else within my family knows (believe me that's probably about 50 people on each side!) and I like it that way. Like I say I'm not ashamed, but I couldn't bear to hurt them or cause them ANY heartache.
So I think there is a distinction between the two? I mean, I'm not proud and I wouldn't just offer them up for discussion with anyone I wasn't close to but at the same time the very closest people will never know if I can help it, purely to save them the pain of the past that is so irrelevant now.
Contradictory but I think I make a little sense.
Iz x
Last edited by UbermoronicismAgain : 24-12-2008 at 12:25 AM.
Reason: Mistake after mistake!
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
My whole family knows. And it's actually become a good thing (in the loooooooooooooooooooooong run) as one of my cousins came to me in tears about one of her friends at school who was cutting herself. She went to her mum first but her mum was just like "tell her to stop it, it's selfish" so I talked her through some things that she could do. in that way it's been great! i wouldn't take it back ever now.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I'm not ashamed or embarassed of my scars anymore so I let them show. I still get strange looks and the occassional rude comment but I don't care anymore. Any fresh cuts I keep hidden till they heal.
None of my family know properly but recently as I've grown up (when I was 18ish [is now 19]) I've begun to not really pay attention to them when I'm out in public or with my friends. I'm not ready to be open with my family but I feel as though my friends have accepted it (many from here so yeh..) and so don't pay much attention to it anymore.
Granted I still get comments at college or from strangers but i just try to not let it get to me as much..
The world is just illusion always trying to change me.
You will find wonder wherever you can, and spread joy whenever you are able.
I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, divide within me. - Frankenstein.
I've accepted that mine will likely be there for either the rest of my life, or until I can save enough money to get plastic surgery on some of them. (but it's low priority, emt classes, finish college, and decide if I want a masters all come first)
I don't go out of my way to showcase them. But on the other hand, I will on occasion go out in public with short sleeves and it will be all right. My boyfriend knows about them, and he worried when he used to see new ones or anything, but I'm a year free now.
However, of the people I know, I am VERY picky about who I allow to see them.
I said something similar to my mum last night about my scars. She asked if I'd ever thought of having a skin graft or anything & I said no, because they're part of who I am & they've made me stronger & remind me that I'm not that person any more & I've grown.
=]
x
I used to go out of my way to hide them but not anymore. I only have one obvious one on my arm though so never really had to hide them majorly but i used to be very self concious of that one even and now i dont care. If people ask i think i would just tell them now, its in my past its a symptom of my depression which is a medical illness like any other. Its nothing to be ashamed of.
Really good replies.
That's just it I think, it can really help you to heal if they're in the past. I think when they're still fresh they become a constant reminder of something you really would rather not think about.
Some good thinking going on, and I think you're all really brave.
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
I'm really chuffed that you can discuss things so openly, and that you feel like you have become a better person because of them. I think i am gradually reaching the same stage as you. I'm nearly two years free now, and have now got to the stage where i can wear short sleeve shirts. Since i have told my family it's all the better. Though wearing the short sleeves infront of them was my biggest challenge.
It makes me smile to realise what meer humans are able to overcome.
Cheers, that's cheered me up a bit today.
~*~ Proud Cat Owner ~*~
"The smallest feline is a masterpiece." - Leonardo Da Vinci
You're welcome! I'm glad that others seem to be coming to similar conclusions.
(I just typed confusions, lol).
I think it's important to come to like yourself. I don't mean love yourself in a hippy-dippy sort of way. I mean genuinely look in the mirror and not wince.
My wedding day was the first day I managed it and I've been vainly pouting in looking glasses ever since ;)
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
i never had this kind of dilemma as i only have scars on my thighs and they're out of view. of course huby knows about them, but the one on my arms have all faded as they weren't bad in the first place. my skin is so pale that the white blends in very well, only i know where they are.
i think it is good to be proud of your scars and the fact that you've come to that point is a big thing to be proud of too.
*cuddles* love you mrs izzie, mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
It is only recently that i have been asked to hide them by my boyfriend as his family as they wouldnt understand and by work as i work with teenagers who may be going through problems themselves. i understand at work it could raise issues that don't need to be addressed unnessecarily. But my boyfriend makes me cross why should mental health and all the surrounding problems be so secretive when 1 in 4 people suffer in their lifetimes why can't we be open and honest so that those that need help don't feel judged or alone and consequently avoid the help they need. my scars are a part of what makes me the person i am and i don't feel i should have to hide them for the sake of others
It's a dilemma. On one hand, you're so right, why should you hide them. If you're fine with them, and you're fine with people seeing them then it shouldn't matter. On the other hand I do understand where your boyfriend is coming from. If he thinks his family won't be comfortable with it then I can see why he would ask that of you. I do think other people's feelings have to be taken into consideration sometimes and maybe he doesn't want YOU to feel uncomfortable with their reactions, maybe he's protecting his family whilst looking after you at the same time?
As for work, I totally see why you might need them covered up.
I think you should do what is best for you. But talk to him about it.
Ask him why he thinks they might react badly? Maybe you can come to some sort of comprimise as to what is and isn't appropriate.
He knows them best after all...
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
