Adult - Does anyone? Has anyone? *Possible Trigger For Sexual Abuse*

[Sugar and Spice]

I was wondering, does anyone here seem to pursue sexual experiences which involve similar behaviours to those you experienced while being abused?

I only ask as I was abused by one of my bfs almost every day for four months. Ever since then I have noticed that, whenever sex is a possibility with another person, I introduce or encourage them to engage in domination/submission sex or other behaviours which I had forced on me.

I know it's not healthy and I try my best to restrain myself. But it can sometimes feel like my body is compelling me to do this.

[hat]

yep! its at an emotional level not a logical one for me.. mixed up with stockholm syndrome kind of material where i saw sex as love, and sex was violent, and violence meant love, and love only meant sex, and so i only felt 'really' loved when someone was intensely a certain way with me (which is pretty messed up but then that's the emotional mind for you)

once you might register (if it makes sense to you) that love aint sex, and love aint violence, you've got a fighting chance of distancing yourself emotionally from one need with another, and then honouring yourself enough to find a way of expecting love without violence (as violence is not about love)

i hope that makes sense.. eek!

[abba12]

i do the same. i dont think i was abused, but ive seen and felt sort of... vision, things, of me being raped and beaten for as long as i can remember. i feel safer when in a BDSM situation.

BDSM itself is healthy, but feeling you need to be treated violently to be loved is not. you need to try and decide if this is just an intrest in BDSM, or if theres more to it you need to try and work through.

youre certainly not alone, i know a few people on this board are the same

[bloodletting]

hey hun, you definately aren't alone in this. growing up, violence was the only way i knew, so to this day it is just normal to do certain things in bed. maybe i just got used to it, and i also know it's not healthy, just another side effect of sexaul abuse.
take care hun xoxox

[lost in pain]

yer, dont worry, i think a lot of ppl that have been abused do this. i know i do. so yer, ur not on ur own.

[tainted angel]

Your not alone in doing this / similar things, many people who've been abused do similar stuff and to be honest it's perfectly normal, there are a lot of theories about why we do it e.g. to re-create something but now we're in control, self-punishment, etc.

What I'd recommend is to have a think about what it is that you get out of it ... e.g. feeling loved, or it being the only way you can get turned on, etc. Then maybe it will give you a clearer picture about your reasons for doing it ... and only that will tell you if it's healthy for you, or not.

If you want to PM me, you're welcome to. Stay safe xx