Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - I've been accused of making it all up...
The title says it all really...I posted on here the other day about the fact that my mum found out I was abused by my father and she spoke to my therapist the other day and said there is no way the SA could possibly have happened and I spent 1 1/2 hours on the phone to my therapist on Friday,the worst conversation I've ever had with him and he thinks I am making it all up too...I give up.They both keep going on about how I need to report what happened to the police if it is true and I don't want to,I'm not ready for that yet and they can't understand that...my therapist is putting so much pressure on me to go to the police,telling me soon I'll have no choice,he has a professional dilemma as to where to go next,I am over 18 so I keep telling him he can do nothing without my permission and if anything happens then I will deny it all.
He didn't directly say I'm lying granted but he kept saying over and over again that if I told him that it didn't really happen then he would be delighted because it means I didn't suffer and that it's ok to tell him if I've not been telling the truth and we can work through why I thought I needed to say it in the first place...I am hurt beyond belief and so enraged that he has come out with this after I have spent 8 months working with him,he believes one phone conversation with my mother over me after eveything I told him about her and how I knew she would manipulate the whole situation...you know maybe the whole thing has been made up by my head,maybe none of what happened is the truth,how can I ever be sure even though I think I am?I trusted my therapist literally with my life and I am so upset that I have lost him too now,I've told him that Weds will be our last session in which I am going to retract everything that I have told him,I don't care if he thinks I am a liar, can't do it anymore...I am back in denial and self destruct mode,which I have spent so many years in and now have no intention of breaking free from...no-one can save me except myself right?!No-one cares enough to stop me destroying myself and I can't do it myself...I want this to end,I want to be free.
There is something that I haven't been truthful about with my therapist but I guess it doesn't matter now anyway...
It does matter.It all matters and im sorry your Mum and therapist have done that too you.i cant imagine how much this has probably hurt you.Please can talking and feel free to private message me anytime too.
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
your therapist is an idiot, we ALL believe you, you've done nothing wrong, what happened to you is horrible and we know you wouldn't make it up. but you do need help and support and your therapist doesn't sound like a person able to give it so can you try and find another therapist or somebody who can support you? remember you can talk to all of us, feel free to pm me any time. take care xx
i'm sorry this has happened to you. This has always been my worst fear that i wouldnt be believed. Can i firstly say though please dont detract what you have said. You've done so well to trust your therapist enough to tell him and by detracting it you will lose all of that hard work. If he really wont let it go then i think you need to find a new therapist. Maybe you could say something like "it did happen, regardless of whether you believe me but i'm sick of trying to convince you so i dont bother anymore". That way your not saying you lied but that your sick of fighting a losing battle.
Thankyou for all the replies...it means so much and I'm sorry that I'm not in the right frame of mind right now to post a proper reply..I've been on a downwards spiral since all of this happened on Friday which I know is really not good for me but I can't stop damaging myself,I see no point now.My therapist is calling me in the morning so hopefully we can have another talk then and I can definitely determine where he stands on all this because if he doesn't believe me then it's over.
I think Mrs sam has said all i would.
Don't let him make you retract all that you said. You know it happened, why should you have to hide it again?
Finding a new therapist would probably be the best move.
I'm really sorry this has happened. Please try and stay safe, is there anyone at home that knows about your self harm?
Anyone you can call to come and sit with you so you can't harm?
Pm me anytime hun.
<3
"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay"
Argh, this makes me *so mad* on your behalf. Of course your mom denied it... that's what she wants to believe. The vast majority of families deny, deny, deny abuse. And the vast majority of people who've been abused, particularly by a parent, are ANYway unsure, and doubt themselves, and blame themselves. It is so typical for girls/women who disclose sexual abuse by a parent to say it happened, and then retract-- because of outside pressure, because they doubt themselves (and have always been told they're crazy, or that the abuse wasn't abuse, etc), because they don't want it to be true, because of how awful it is.
Do people, on occasion, make false allegations? Sure, that can happen. But what is far more likely is for someone who actually was abused to make a false retraction. I have struggled with this a lot myself, and I have seen so many people on here doubt themselves, think they must be exaggerating, or making it all up-- and I know that these people are not the kind of make stuff up, especially since the last thing they want to do is hurt someone or make trouble.
I think your therapist is being so unprofessional and actually dangerous. If he won't believe you, you need to find someone who will. How long have you been seeing this guy, do you generally trust him and feel good about him? You know what happened, and you know how wrong it was, no matter WHAT other people choose to tell themselves or believe. Don't doubt yourself, because that'll just make you nuts, and (in my experience anyway) make you want to hurt yourself more because 'hey I'm crazy, right, I make stuff up so why not hurt myself?' But you're not crazy, and you're not making stuff up, and the problem is with your mom (and your dad, of course) and your therapist, at the moment. Try to stay strong, believe in yourself, and take care of yourself the best you can.
This is why I wont see a therapist, it's happened to me twice now. People beleive what they want to.
But you know it happened, you know it's not just nightmares and made up stuff. I'm sure you have some nightmares in your mind as well, but you can tell they're differant can't you? They feel differant.
What happened to you is real, wether they beleive you or not. If they don't beleive you, fine, but don't let them destroy all the work you've put in to move on from this. You've worked too hard for an unprofessional therapist, and your mother (who, like most mothers whos husbands have abused, will deny it completely) to destroy it. Don't let them ruin it for you, you've done so well.
See how this phone conversation goes. If it goes badly, simply don't see him again. There are other therapists, or, there are friends who do beleive you. You've probably learnt a lot from this therapist, and just because he turns out to be a jerk now dosen't mean the help he gave you before wasn't valad. Try and biuld on that.
Live to Dream and Dream to Live
A flash in the dark Of a blade so clean Memories of remorse Thoughts left unseen
We can do this in time, we can be free
(Was written in late 2006. Now, finally, early 2008, I really am free, and it feels amazing)
I spoke to my therapist yesterday and it feels lke he has completely changed with me sinc my mum has found out about the SA and he had the phone conversation with her...basically I think I'm going to be dumped from therapy.
He said I have to have an urgent review with him and my psychiatrist tomorrow as to "where we go from here" because he said that after 8 months of seeing him I shouldn't still be hurting myself in the way that I am...that maybe I need to stop talking about the abuse.I am so angry because I don't understand how they can expect me to just put the lid back on all of this and I'm scared that I'm going to be left on my own again to try and deal with this.My therapist has told me from the beginning that he continues to work with people until their treatment has finished,that he doesn't pass people over to others and no he's going to do just that.
He kept mentioning the police too again and that we all need to have an honest talk about my optins and reporting my dad etc.I feel like I have little option but to retract what I've said,I don't have the energy to keep fighting this,I thought I was getting somewhere and now this has all been dumped on meand I don't know what to do.I feel even more so now that I'm wasting my therapist's time and that because of his attitude the last few days I have angered him,the way he spoke to me on the phone yesterday was horrid.
First of all can i say how absolutely disgusted i am with your therapist! Secondly the fact that you're over 18 and an adult (in fact even if u weren't) the therapist has broken some very fundamental professional guidelines and may even have committed an offence by breaching your privacy, you would be more than within your rights to complain to his professional body or even the police, HE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TALKING TO YOUR MUM ABOUT THIS! You may want to contact your local citizens advice bureau for help!
As for his attitude towards you it is totally disgusting, to suffer SA is one of the worst things that can happen to a person and then to have others tell you that they don't believe it just makes me sick to the stomach!
I'm not going to be as polite as some of the other respondents, i'm going to advise you to get rid of that loser and try and find someone that you do have a rappor with and someone who is not going to set you back!
You have obviously come through so much, so don't let anyone get in your way, you are the one with the strength and gumption, he can quite frankly go and boil his head!
You take care and keep us up to date with how you're doing!
That's terrible. I've had (really really) bad experiences with therapy, but nothing like this. It's so horrible that he doesn't believe you and even appears to have turned on you in a way. After you built up such trust with him, I can't understand how he could consider it a good idea, either professionally or otherwise, to treat you in this manner. Don't let him make you doubt yourself--you know what happened. You are powerful and strong. He's a total idiot. I hope his callous and unforgivable treatment doesn't create too much of a downward spiral in you.
like above said it is against a therapists code of ethics for him to discuss anything you have talked about in your sessions!!!!!obv unless they have sought out your permission. uncommonly permission can be verbal, however many professionals seek witten consent to discuss such intiment issues eg SA. you are more in your right to complain about his conduct if permission wasnt given!!!!!! when he spoke to your mum there should not have been a discussion he should have first of all come back to you discussed whether or not you were happy for him to talk to your mum and reveal information, you had given him through a very private and confidential setting.
dont take back what you said and tuff s*** if he is angry. i bet your angry too. dont put his feelings above your own. its easy to see him as the professional and give him more power than he already has. no one can make you go to the police, unless there is the possibility that you are still in danger from abuse (does your dad still live with you? still abuse you? even then it should be your decision) if this isnt the case then no one can make you.
you got to look at how your feeling and whats going to be good for you in the long run. you got to be strong!!!!
i have been through something similar where people close to me found out about abuse. then they denied it could have ever happened. i was quite young at the time and was made to talk to the police (i was 13 and the abuse was still happening) i put on the best act of my life and told everyone i had made it up. when i did this i felt like i had died inside. they beleived me. two years later i got up the courage and walked into the police station myself and reported the crime. i was examined and they had evidence to convict him. my mum never said sorry bout not beleiving my and up until now i have never sought help to deal with the abuse.
the reason i have shared my experience is that taking back what you have said will not take any pain or hurting away, it will most probably highting how your feeling. also you may find it hard to fight at the moment but if you take back what you've said you will be fighting with how you feel for the rest of your life.
hun please do whats best for you. dont let him make you feel bad. THIS DID HAPPEN and unfortunalty your gonna have to deal with this situation first before you can continue to move on and heal. my heart goes out to you hun. i am here if you need to chat. look after yourself.
The thing is though I am so so torn as to what to do....this is the first therapist that I have ever opened up to about the SA and I have felt this amazing deep conneciton with him up until now,something I never thought would happen with anyone,let alone a man,if that makes sense and although I am so angry and hurt by this whole situation I am so scared that I'm going to lose him as my therapist and be on my own again,something that always seems to happen and I just can't find somebody else to start therapy with all over again.
It's making me even more confused about the SA and events and I'm trying but finding it so hard to actually hold on to the fact that anything wrong happened now,I've spent so long detached and spaced out from everything around me and hurting myself,punishing myself as bad as I can and I was just starting to break out of that and now I've fallen completely back into self-sabotage and I'm afraid.
I gave my therapist permission to speak to my mum....after she found out about the SA she refused to talk to me,she still won't but it was doing my head in and my therapist rang to try and clear the air I guess but the fact is she denied anything could possibly have happened and told him completely different things to what I believe to be the truth.My mum has always been like this,she makes it look like I'm the one in the wrong and makes me think that I'm crazy,that I've made things up and to be honest I don't know whether I'm coming or going.I understand where my therapist is coming from in that I guess they have to protect their own backs,that if something happened to me,then people are going to question their care.The ED team that I see have had problems in the past as patients have died while under their "care" so I think my therapist is being put under pressure by the powers above him.
I am so tired,I've really been trying to contain all this the whole time I've been seeing my therapist and to be told yet again that it's not working out or that I'm going to have to start again with someone else is heartbreaking and I can't do it anymore.I am dreading my appointment tomorrow.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's such a hard situation. You may end up alone for a little while but you'll find someone better soon if you leave. Speaking to your mother should have simply been to see where your issues are coming up and what you're dealing with, he should not beleive her over you. If he's any good he will know mothers deny it all. Apparently he isn't any good.
Tell him how you feel at the appointment, maybe even show him this thread. Then see how he reacts, if he still acts like this and seems as if he dosen't beleive you, then you need to leave, for your own sanity. Therapists can do more harm than good in some situations, this is one of them.
*hugs* I wish I could help more hon..
Live to Dream and Dream to Live
A flash in the dark Of a blade so clean Memories of remorse Thoughts left unseen
We can do this in time, we can be free
(Was written in late 2006. Now, finally, early 2008, I really am free, and it feels amazing)
I was told yesterday by my therapist and psychiatrist that if I am really telling the truth then I have no choice but to let them inform social services and the police about the abuse I suffered....I don't understand how they can do this to me.They said that due to the Baby P case they have new protocols they have to follow and because my niece still has close contact with my dad they are risking their jobs if they don't report it and it's later found that something is happening to her,that sometimes they have to break confidentiality.I feel so guilty because of course I want to protect my niece but I don't feel ready to go to the police yet and for me,this isn't what therapy has been about....I'm terrified that everything's going to fall apart,that if I don't retract what I've told my therapist then I will be forced into something I don't want to do and I know this will completely break me because after all this time it will be my word against my dad's and I know who everyone will believe.I felt so attacked yesterday in my session with them,they kept asking me questions about the abuse and I was so upset that I couldn't answer and they turned it around on me asking me if I couldn't answer did that mean I wasn't telling the truth and kept saying that police will be a lot harsher on me than they were being...it made me remember why I hate psychiatrists so much and I felt I wasn't listened to at all.I was speaking to my therapist like 3 times a week before all this became such a mess and all they said at the end of my session was to "seek support" if I needed it over Xmas....I don't know of anywhere else to get support from and I don't know how to cope with this on my own again.I have an appointment with them both again on the 6th Jan and the psychiatrist said if I don't go she will use the time to inform social services and the police...I've been holding on all this time because my therapist said that if I killed myself then all my records would be released after I died and everyone would find out then but if they are going to do it without my permission then surely there is nothing to keep hanging on for?I am free to go now...I hate the thought of the mess I am going to leave behind but I can't cope with it.
Do you think your neice is in any danger? Honey, if she is... You don't want her to endure what you have. Maybe they will beleive you, and even if they don't, your neices parents will be made aware of everything and be able to keep her away, keep her safe.
But this needs to be your desicion, not theirs. Please don't let go. If you let go of it all, then look at how everything you've acheived has been for nothing. You'll be letting him win, letting him have the final control over your life. They're trying to scare you, to be sure of wether it's real or not. You have to keep fighting, its a hard patch, but you'll prove yourself.
Live to Dream and Dream to Live
A flash in the dark Of a blade so clean Memories of remorse Thoughts left unseen
We can do this in time, we can be free
(Was written in late 2006. Now, finally, early 2008, I really am free, and it feels amazing)
