depression relapse

[jessye]

Here's a little info about my situation before I get down to the nitty gritty. About 2 and 1/2 years ago I hit the bottom of a major depression that had been building for 7 years. I had a major breakdown and was so depressed I literally didn't get out of bed for 2months. I avoided having to go inpatient by forcing myself to work really hard at intense therapy and medication aswell as the holistic and sensible stuff of diet, exercise, meditation and so forth and eventually finished my A levels. Since the summer I finished my A levels I finished therapy and came off the meds and have spent the last 18 months working as a waitress aswell as bar work, temp shop work and volunteering. I have also done a couple of evening courses in subjects that interest me. I am currently doing British Sign Language.

Since the summer however, I feel that my mood has begun to decrease. I'm more irritable, unable to sleep, constantly fed up, unmotivated, bored and have lost all ambition whatsoever. I find myself wanting to SI and doing so about 2 or 3 times a month. (Although this is much better than 2 or 3 times a day). I am really wondering what the point of carrying on is. I have to have something to fill my days up with or I won't get out of bed. Any day off I have I will sleep for 22 hours and just get up to have some food and go to the loo. All I have been doing for the last 18 months is really mundane stuff to keep the depression at bay. Now I am so unhappy in my job (but unable to find a new one) that I am drinking far too much to try and cope with it and to try and get sleep.

I got a referral from my GP for therapy but I won't hear back for 2-3 months and in the meantime I am losing all hope and self injuring more. I don't know what the point of carrying on as I feel that i'm only gonna become ill again eventually.

I'm relapsing and I'm scared and don't know what to do other than what I'm doing already.

...help?

x

[deadtotheworld]

sorry to hear you feel like your relpasing
its good your gp has refered you, has he giving you any meds in the mean time? if not maby you could ask about them.
if your not able to find a new job, maby look in to some other volunteering work so that you can meet some new people. have u got any friends/family you can talk to? feel able to pm me anytime if you need 2 talk
xx

[Ms Tears Keep Fallin]

you got through it before and with help you will again stay strong and take care

[Gargoylemaiden]

I'm so sorry to hear that hun. I am currently in the midst of a depression relapse so I don't have too much advice to offer except that I am here if you want to talk to someone who has, or is, there.