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depersonalization, freaking out
I've had this happen before, I know it is simply part of a bad panic attack, probably not helped by sleep deprivation. I'm freaking out though. I'm sitting here and I feel like my world is fake, like this is a movie. When I think of it, I realize I'm breathing shallow and I'm sure that is making it worse, but when I stop thinking about deep breathing, I go back to the shallow ones. I wasn't really caring about anything a little while ago. The time was passing and I have a paper to write, but I didn't really care that I hadn't started it when I had planned to. Then a friend came in and she said she was leaving a day early (it is finals week) and she wanted to say goodbye in case we didn't see each other before she left. I had no emotion. I said "Ok...bye bye." and just stared at her. She asked if I was ok and I told her I was just tired, which I was. I was really tired out of nowhere. We hugged and she left and then I started to feel like this isn't real. I made some coffee to combat the drowsiness (caffiene doesn't increase my anxiety) and while I was waiting for it to brew, I was kneeling on the floor and like fell over and was thinking about just sleeping right there on the floor. Then I started thinking about what if it got so bad I had to go to the hospital. I don't know how to make this better. Normally I just continue on with my day, and it goes away, but I can't get my mind off of it this time. It doesn't help that I saw my counselor from school (I have a good psychologist back home) two days ago and she asked me why I make up problems so that I am always in "crisis" mode. I have never made up a problem! So now I'm freaking out and I know I can't call over there because it will just be one more thing I'm making up. :/
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