...that people like us shouldn't have children? I am beginning to think that I'm not cut out for this. I know that being a parent is the most rewarding job in the world, that there are so many good things about watching your child grow up, but right now I am struggling to see them.
I've thought that I shouldn't have children... but am making no judgments about anyone else... I also think I don't deserve to be in a relationship as I think I do is bring pain and annoy those around me...
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams
Peg, I think that about myself all the time. And people will always tell me otherwise. But I guess things happen for a reason. You having Lucas happened for a reason.
Itll be hard, there will be hard times, times when you want to hand in the towel and not want to do it anymore, but then theres times like youve had where things dont seem so difficult anymore. things lift a bit. i guess its just a cycle people have got going on, all around the world.
i have nothing useful to say. You know what I think about your parenting skills and you know how much I love you so theres nothing else I can add onto this.
Know that you can talk to me whenever you want, any time of the day or night, any day, even if we dont talk much anymore, i'm here for you.
xxx
**If You Love Someone Or Something Enough, Set Them Free.**
Why should "people like us" not have kids?
Yes we may have more difficult times than others,but on the other hand we are teaching our kids everything in life is not like the fairy tales....there are ups and downs with everything.
We can be just a great of a parent as one who puts their kid in daycare from the moment they are born.
Kids need love and not about much more but the basics.
Sure we have our down times but I think kids get adjusted to that
They learn not everything is butterflies and roses.
It teaches them coping skills, and lets them be alittle more independent at times.
AAANNNDDD then.....if they do have problems, it should be very easy to deal with them and know the best path to take.
Someday you will look back at all of this and think..."HOW THE HELL DID I EVER MAKE IT OUT ALIVE"
Good luck, keep moving forward, things will fall together sooner than expected.
I am married 19 years. Childless by choice, a decision my husband and I discussed and made before we got married.
I grew up in horrible violence. I raised my sister. I took care of my mom. I'm exhausted from taking care of them. My husband and I both have clinical depression. I don't know that I could do a decent job raising children. My husband and I aren't bad stock in a lot of ways though. I sometimes miss them just a bit when I know that people in my age group have teen kids even.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
I like to think that if and when i have kids (not for a very long time if it happens) I can use it as a chance to give someone an amazing life, since I managed to **** mine up so much.
You learn from your mistakes and all that, if my kid ended up with similar problems to my own I like to think I could help them and stop it interfering with their life like it does with mine. I mean my folks have **** all experience and so havn't even spotted anything wrong, I hope that I'd notice, and I'd help.
I guess I would see it as a second chance, you ****ed it up first hand, so do your best to make their lives amazing. Plus I have a whole bunch of the "oh and I'd want to teach my kid to surf and bring it up with all my favourite music, teach it open mindedness and watch them read my favourite books as a teen and my favourite films...blah blah blah."
Mental illness doesn't determine whether you could be a good parent or not.
it's not about being perfect, it's about being 'good enough', and by the sound of it you are loving and self-aware, which is a whole lot better than a lot of people out there...
it's tough being a parent, I think everyone struggles - that just means you're normal!
I think the comment "people like us" is unfair as we are all different with our ilnesses and difficulties. Speaking in general I see no reason why people who suffer from mental health problem shouldnt have children. As long as they manage thier illness, are capable to caring for a child and have enough support then there is no problem. Its a personal decision if you want children or not.
I'm sorry that you are feeling like you are at the moment
I totally agree with what Linda and kangaroo says. All parents struggle sometimes if you feel like you're not coping for whatever reason, is it possible for you to access some parental support?
I hope you are ok
I know I worry about this too. I started sh again after a miscarriage and now wonder if it was a good thing cause I'm not sure I'd cope or be a good mother anyway. I do really really want children but then wonder am I just being selfish??
I can only speak for myself - but I'm not offended! It's something I've thought about for myself... but I also know that I tend to be very self-critical and that therefore too hard on myself
I just hope you're OK, because it sounds as if you're finding it hard right now.
I'm not offended either. I seriously think that all parents think from 1 time to another thnk that they're not managing. I hope you and the little one are k
part of me feels as if I shouldn't reply as I don't have children...
but the other year my best friend got pregnant, and as she is bi-polar basically everyone we know started telling her to have an abortion as it would be "unfair on the child" or she "wouldn't be able to cope"
but I don't think that's right at all... I mean, ok so people with mental health issues may find parenthood a little harder than those who don't. but pritty much all parents have times when they can't cope...
in the end my friend ignored the "advice" and has now got a son. and although it's obviously been hard on her, I think she defantly made the right decision.
not sure where I'm going with this anymore lol.
I am sorry that you are feeling this way at the moment, but hopefully it will get better
You definitely didn't offend me... and just cuz I'm thinking I maybe wasn't clear.. my comments about not having children were only to do with me and how I am... I definitely didn't mean to imply that I didn't think people shouldn't have kids if they had mental health probs...
*sends hugs*
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.
Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams
Well, I'm pretty sure that I'm physically incapable of having a kid, but in my childless opinion, I think raising kids is a lot like knitting.
Let me explain, knitting has two stitches - knit and purl. There are different ways of putting them together. Sure, there are other things like increasing, decreasing. Once you've got the basics, it's fairly easy. Sometimes it requires thinking outside the box (gee, that looks nice, but I really want a cable or a braid running up the sleeve but it's not in the pattern). Sometimes it takes longer than you thought it would (well, this pattern calls for three inches of the body for a sweater, but I think the author is a dumbass and I need five). Sometimes it can seem like you're going nowhere (I measured this at seven rounds and it was an inch. Now we've gone fourteen rounds and it's still an inch.). Sometimes it seems like it'll never be over (let's see, I've done 1,000 stitches and that leaves... only 4,000 more!). Sometimes things go hopelessly wrong (I've made two arms, followed the pattern and let's measure.... they're totally different sizes!). Sometimes there are moments of panic (holycrapholycrap I dropped a stitch! It's unraveling!). Sometimes you need more resources than you have (okay, I bought the recommended amount of yarn, but I'm halfway through the second sleeve, and there are four yards left of the yarn).
But at the end, if you stick with it, you have something beautiful and much better than a couple of balls of string - or a bunch of fluids. And if I can figure out how to knit and crochet with a totally uncrafty background, then I think I could handle kids with a LOT of help.
But honestly, I think 'people like us' could have kids and raise them well. I think what the biggest sticking point is that you have to have the best interest of the child at heart. We all need help sometimes. We all get to our wits end. But I think it works out in the end.
...that people like us shouldn't have children? I am beginning to think that I'm not cut out for this. I know that being a parent is the most rewarding job in the world, that there are so many good things about watching your child grow up, but right now I am struggling to see them.
Parenting is incredibly rewarding, but it is also one of the hardest things to do too. However sane you are, parenting can be difficult. How old is your wee one at the moment Pegward? Don't forget the baby thread either btw.
There's something that's always stuck with me that my mother told, hopefully it'll make sense: When your baby is a year old, there's an amazing sense of relief, they've survived your parenting for a year! Now, you just have to survive them..
A good parent isn't determined by the mental health, or lack of. There are plenty of awful parents out there who are shockingly sane, but similarly, there are great parents out there who have life long severe mental illnesses.
Amaryllis's post was beautiful, i must add, and take heart what she's said, definitely wise words.
x
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
I didn't expect this thread to have so many replies. Really it was just me having a moan.
As I said before - I hope I didn't offend anyone and I know that the problems that people on here suffer with are varied and nobody's are the same.
I have been thinking about it (and discussing it with my boyfriend) and I think that mental illness doesn't make you a bad parent, but it does make things more difficult. If you say that being depressed doesn't affect your parenting you either haven't had depression or you aren't a parent! That does not mean I'm saying that depressed people are incapable of being good parents. I'm saying it changes things, it affects the way you cope with your child when things get difficult, the same way it affects the way you cope with any other difficult situation. It's the same as if you have a physical health problem. I guess you just have to accept it as part of your parenting.
I agree that there are all sorts of parents out there and the good aren't all necessarily 'mentally healthy' and vice versa. I think when I started this thread I was just feeling like a crap parent. I'd had a rough day with my son (who's 6 months old) and I didn't feel too great, so I was thinking too much (never a good idea).
And now I've rambled on for too long. Just wanted to apologised for any misunderstanding.
Just wanted to pipe in and say that I think you started a great thread, Ashleigh...even though you didn't mean to!
I read your initial post and was contemplating it (I'm not a parent and don't plan on being one anytime soon, so I was just curious...!). The replies gave me so much hope! Weird, I know. But there are so many parents on this site who are successfully raising kids, while at the same time suffering depression and all other kinds of mental illness...you guys are all so brave and you are doing such a good job!!
It gives me hope that I'll be able to be a good mom someday.
It must be so difficult being a parent, mental illness or not. Y'all rock.
D'Arcy
Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae.
Lambchop, LadyMacbeth, Butterfly525, and Moonchild are my sisters. Ruffle is my daughter. That Faery Kid is my kitty!
My wife and I made the decision not to have children until the time is right. She has diabetes which needs to be controlled as well as clinical depression as well as being my carer. I have BPD, Bipolar 2, panic disorder and haven't worked for a year. Yet people still judge us for making this decision. How can we care for children when I struggle with SI all the time? How can we have kids when my wife is on a part time income and I can't get or keep a job? I think it would be very irresponsible to do so. Is it fair that if we did have a baby on the way and something bad happened and I died for my wife to be left pregnant with me in the grave? Is that fair for the child? People who judge me have NOT walked in my shoes so they can all go and GET ****ED, they have no right to an opinion unless they have been in my situation.
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