I should be happy, Ive got amazing friends, a lovely new boyfriend. Ive got a brilliant future ahead of me, a family that loves me and a good social life. Yet Im so unhappy. I just feel so depressed all the time and the thoughts of self harm and suicide constantly replay over in my head. Ive got it all, but I still suffer with depression. I dont know how much longer I can go on. Its been nearly 4 weeks since my last SI and while I am proud of that, the urges are so strong. When I SI, I feel happier but if I stop, then a few weeks after I start feeling really depressed again.
I dont really want to die, but I am getting thoughts of suicide and Im even planning things, but I dont think I could carry them out even though they seem really appealing at the moment.
I cant tell my mum or dad how I feel because its christmas and I dont want to ruin their christmas. I could tell my nurse at the day hospital but I am due to be discharged from them soon and I dont want to stay thier any longer than I have to. I might tell my psychotherapist.
I dont know what to do and I dont know how to cope. Help!!
dear, please try to consult a therapist as soon as possible, i think psychotherapy will be successful in your case ... there's something in your past that really hurts you but u cannot put ur hand on it, i mean your pain is so much deeply hidden inside of your soul, yet this pain urges u to do what u do and it spoils your happiness, trust me, you need intensive psychotherapy... DO NOT TAKE THE DECISION TO END YOUR LIFE COZ AFTER U GET TREATED AND BECOME HAPPY YOU WILL KNOW THINGS GOT BRIGHT AND IF U ENDED UR LIFE, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE EXPERIENCED HAPPINESS ... every time, suicidal thoughts come to your head, say i will postpone it one day , i will postpone it one night, i will postpone it for some extra hours, and plz if ur bf listens to you and he has the ability to share ur pains, tell him everything that's going into ur mind, u won't spoil anyone's christmas by sharing your pain, you may unintentionally spoil it by them seeing you dying by the christmas time ... May God help all of us coz we're all really suffering ... i love every single person in this forum coz finally i found someones like me on earth ...
First of all well done for being 4 weeks SI free, that is a great acheivment
even if you are still getting urges
Hun I think you should tell your nurse how your feeling
I know you want to be discharged but its much better to be discharged when your actually ready and then you wont find yourself in a situation where you have to go back again, its much better to leave the services when your ready
Or yes tell your therapist how your feeling, and tell her(or him) about your urges to SI too, maybe they could help you with that?
xxxxxxxx
"In the driest whitest stretch of pains infinate desert, I lost my sanity, and found this rose"
agree with what others have said and just wanted to say that having everything means nada with regards to depression.... i own my own flat and car, i have great friends, a good job etc but i still have depression and sh, havee done for 11years. mental health doesnt just hit people that have nothing. it isnt selective.
sending huge huggles xxxx
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!!
Thanks guys, I am going to keep fighting, Im not ready to give up yet.I will talk to my psychotherapist, Im seeing him this Friday so I will see if he can help me at all. I know depression isnt selective, I just hate the fact it chose me, though thinking like that wont help me. I am trying to stay positive and challenging the negative thoughts. I am trying hard, thats all I can do at the moment.
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!! 