Spent the night in hospital

[ems]

So I ended up admitted last night cos I was feeling imminently very dangerous. I had a load of tablets which I was planning to take, but had hesitation which ended up in a visit from the crisis team and them taking me to the hosp for a short crisis admission.
Then I discharged myself this morning cos I got all freaked. I have now handed over the tablets but am very tempted to do something else possibly life threatening :/
Thing is I really don't know why I feel like I do, there's no obvious or even slightly hidden trigger. Mind you my mood doesn't make sense anyway. It just drops off for no reason every couple of months for a while, but every time it feels like it'll never end. And that this is the end.
I'm just not sure what to do. The crisis team said they'd come out and visit again but they havent even phoned. And my doc said she'd phone but hasn't. And I don't know what to dooo! I'm trying to keep distracted but it's not working.

[IceBerg]

Have you tried the distractions bit?
I find tetris very addictive?
or even the grow cube thingy that someone posted:
http://www.eyezmaze.com/eyezblog_en/...e.html#monster
You said that your mood drops, and then goes back up, but how often does it happen?
Perhaps the cris team had an emergency they had to go to, so you might be seen slightly later than they thought they would be able to get to see you?
And same for your doc, she may have had someone seriously ill.
Please stay safe hun
xx

[l'il esky]

hey hun,
firstly well done for going to hosp, that was very brave of you and also really positive cos even tho things are crappy you clearly want help

have you heard anything from bethlem yet?

i know what its like to be let down with phone calls, have had v.similar today and my god it hurts and totally sucks but sure they had there reasons.

keep chatting to us hun to keep yourself distracted xx

[Tig]

Hey Ems,

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment.
I can relate to what you said about your mood just dropping, and it feeling like it's the end. I think it's positive that you realize you've experienced this before because often people can muddle through all of this and not learn what is happening to them but by knowing what happens, you've got a chance to change it or at least learn skills to cope if this happens in the future.

It was really brave of you to go to the hospital and I know staying in can be really difficult so it's understandable that you discharged yourself. How do you feel about having discharged yourself at the moment? Sometimes hospital can help but other times I don't think it necessarily does so perhaps this time was one of those times. If not though, would you be able to return to the hospital?

Well done for handing over your tablets, that must have been a hard thing to do but you did it and I'm sure I speak for many when I say that I am proud of you for doing that. What made you want to hand over your tablets and protect yourself? Try and hold on to whatever emotions and thoughts were behind that and apply it to wanting to hurt yourself now.

Have you heard anything from the crisis team or your Doctor? As others have said, it may be that they had to deal with an emergency which is frustrating but of course can't be helped. Is there a number than you can contact to get hold of them? Or alternatively, until the crisis team ring or your Doctor, could you try ringing a helpline such as The Samaritans?

Lotti x

[Steel Maiden]

Has your psych/crisis team contacted you yet? If they haven't, then you can probably find their number on the internet and you can call them back.

[ems]

thanks for the support, they did ring (my mum, i have a phone phobia) but my doc never did. They didnt really suggest anything useful tho. I am still not feeling great and want to go get some more tablets but i live in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere and the village shop wont open till Monday so im agh. Cant feel cutting at the moment either which is annoying. I just need somone nice to come and sit down with me and chat to me about stuff in general, maybe build up a picture of where im at to see if they can help me identify reasons for my feelings.

[Steel Maiden]

Hugs. I think you should find their number and call them, or get your Mum to call, to fix an urgent appointment. Although I agree, sometimes the HTT are not as useful as they claim to be.