Triggering (SI/OD) - What to expect from CMHT??

[warrenpenalver]

Ive just been referred to the local CMHT and have my first appointment tomorrow.

Im really worried about what they will ask me and what they will expect me to talk about.

Ive no experience of NHS services so no real idea so I'm pannicking loads and really anxious now. I also think they will just reject me as everyone does, and i often feel i dont deserve help and deserve to suffer in silence.

While i was in the navy i had a psychiatrist, and a cpn/therapist and i spent a few weeks inpatient time and another 3 months in day hospital, then i was having monthly shrink appointments and seeing the cpn twice a week for CBT and EMDR.

The "transfer of care" to the NHS just didnt happen when i left Navy in june as i kept getting rejected by GP's until the day i ran out of meds in late august when a GP finally took me on and gave me new prescription.

I never got past seeing the nurse. They wernt interested in getting my mental health notes and as it stands they only have 1 page of a 2 page summary letter from the navy as they couldnt be bothered to get the other half of letter and wouldnt take a copy of my copy of same letter as they "didnt need it". WTF!!! I have a full copy of my mental health notes and they wouldnt copy it for records or even read them!!!

Ive been getting worse and worse since then with my depression taking hold bad again as will as the nightmares, screwed up sleep and my cutting getting out of control. I ran out of meds and stopped taking them (i have a spare stockpile but thats saved for my "final solution" of a cocktail OD if things get much worse) It doesnt help im unemployed and despite good skills and qualifications i havent found work and its not from lack of effort trying to find work. Im struggling to function and am regularly wiping out 4/5 days in a row with total exhaustion, flashbacks, 18 plus hours a day in bed with rough sleep mixed with nightmares verging on hallucinations. Im paranoid that people are out to hurt me, convince i will be burgled or robbed and im seriously afraid im getting locked up by police (irrational as the worst crimes ive committed are speeding) Im cutting most days now just to keep on an even keel. I never get anything done around the house until its an emergency, like no food, no clean clothes etc. Last week I spent 6 days wiped out including missing 3 days of my Job Search at the employment project. Luckily i managed to get away with it without getting thrown off the project. Im trying to attend support groups with a local mental health charity but i rarely make it out of bed, and i keep ending up missing my sessions and going later in week. Even eatings gone wrong. I can be awake by 8pm and still not find energy to cook food until almost midnight!! I know this might sound crude but sometimes i nearlt piss or poo myself as i have no motivation to go to the loo till its almost too late!!!! I dont have much of a routine at all. HAvent even worked out what im doing for xmas except i know its going to be alone. I seem to have no control over my emotions and cry over everything and i dont cry much normally. I cant even watch mild TV drama without nearly bursting into tears if someones seriously hurt or killed. How pathetic am i??? I really hate myself at the moment. I really dont see the point any more if i cant pull myself up. Ive got no family or friends local to me. Nobody would miss me if i went. In reality and thinking practically it would solve a lot of problems if i didnt exist. I guess its sad that i feel that way. I dont even know what to say to people anymore except "im OK" and to keep smiling and hope they dont notice me. I have a very good mask and people at the support group were shocked when i came out with a string of negativity. I can appear all confident and happy but underneath i often wish i was dead. Im so lonely at the moment yet i cant find the energy to socialise so that makes me a total hypocrite.

My Navy social worker made the trip from portsmouth to stoke on trent just to see me as she was so concerned and as a result shes bypassed my gp. She is the first true guest ive had to my house in the 5 months ive been here. How sad is that!! I dont count police turning up with a warrant as guests!!!!

I sometimes wish someone would understand me so i wasnt always so alone.

I wish they could read my mind and know what i need so i dont have to ask for help. i rarely have the courage to ask for anything and even with the charity i was so anxious and guilty about going to the support group as in my eyes I deserve all this pain and other peoples problems are more important.

[l'il esky]

hey
sorry only just seen this post!
have you had your appt?hope they were ok

my only experience with the cmht is that you have an initial assessment where they try and get as much info as poss to see what the best treatment plan would be.
as far as i know(this happens at my place anyway) this assessment is discussed with a team of diff health professionals who discuss your treatmnet plan....so this could be refer you for more thorough couselling, cbt, group sessions or somehting completely diff.

hope you find them helpful and get the help you need x

[Breeze]

How did it go.
It i **** how you have been treated by the NHS, you'd think it be a simple hand over from Navy care to NHS, sadly not and I'm sorry to hear it has become so hard for you.

I'm glad the social worker came to see you though and I hope that something good has come of that as a result.

Let us know how the app goes.

[Sleepless123]

Hey hope you are safe and as alright as you can be.im sorry youve been feeling so bad.i really hope the appointment went ok.How was it?im really sorry youve been treated like this and i really hope that you will receive some help and support now.