telling my work manager...

[lozza]

This arvo I caught up with my manager at work and we had a bit of a chat.. She knows a bit of what I am going through and I just wanted to check in with her and let her know where I was at...

I really wanted to tell her about my sh because I am once again really struggling with it and since its getting to the stage where I have to have to do it.. I think letting someone in may be a good thing to do... I mean I know she cant fix things or make me stop... but I just think it might be a good thing to do??

But I really dont know because although she was speaking so highly of me, saying what a great worker I was.... will she still be like that when she finds out I struggle with sh??? She may already know (by putting peices together) but if she doesnt then it may be a really big shock for her and not turn out so well...

Part of me really wants to tell her cuz I know somewhere deep down she will understand and I think having someone close by who doesnt sh themselves may be a really positive thing for me....

I'm really scared though... the what ifs are making it a nightmare to really think about this stuff...

What do you guys think?
Any advice is greatly appreciated!

[nikki2291]

I think that if you guys are really close, then maybe it would be a good idea for you to tell her. You are right, having someone close to you that doesn't SI is a really positive thing. SI is a really hard thing for people who are close to us to take in, but she may try to understand.
=) *Hugs*
Hope that helps some.

[Wonderland.]

Thats a very hard decision you have to make, as you are at risk of pushing her away if she freaks out about it. We cannot make the decision for you as we don't know her but i'd just say go with your instinct. I think its really brave of you to want to tell someone.

Amy x

[l'il esky]

hey,
like amy said we cant make the decision for you but.....from my own experience i would say go for it....i told my managers at the beginning of the yr (well tehy kinda guesseed after i dont them bout the depression-too many wounds/scars/bandages to really lie bout it) and seriously it was the best thing i ever did. they have been and still are my rock. they have been more help in the 12 months than anyone else has been my whole life.

she will still think you are a great worker, her knowing about the sh isnt going to change her opinion of how you work

sending loads of huggles and let us know how you get on xx

[lozza]

Thanks guys! I think I will tell her *runs and hides*
Still scared about the whole thing but I think she will understand and if she doesnt well she is definately someone who will ask qsts and try to understand!
So now just trying to work out best time to tell her...
I think she is working tomorrow but talking at work prob wont be the best thing so maybe next time we catch up outside of work so maybe next week sometime.... hmmmm

[Pomegranate]

Hi OP :)

I think it is a good idea to speak to your manager. Mine has been amazing with me and I had huge reservations about speaking to her. But since I did, she has arranged time off, shorter hours and has been a regular source of support. If you can find the strength to speak, then go for it. The law says you cannot be discriminated against. I hope it goes well xxx

[Sigma]

If you feel its the right thing then do it... if you've known her a while and she's been supportive about other things then your instincts are probably right

It's been a great help to me once my manager knew, we'd worked together for over a year and durign that time he'd been pretty helpful about more minor problems so I had got to the point I could trust him. (plus, he asked about the scars and I couldn't be bothered to lie). Having someone who's constantly positive about me even during the bad times when I think I'm no use to anyone helps me get through it

[Artychik]

This is purely from a personal standpoint, I don't know you or your manager, but I would be very careful about telling her unless it is really necessary. A lot of people (even really nice decent people) just do not understand about self injury.

I'm totally for being upfront about struggling and how you are feeling, just be careful. It's great that your manager is understanding, that makes things so much easier, but please just think very carefully about telling her EVERYTHING. (although I don't advocate lying to your boss)

What are your expectations of telling her?

I hate to be negative, just work things are complicated. She can support you as your manager, do you want support from her as a friend too? If you are close enough for that all well and good. If not things could be difficult.

If she doesn't react well it could make work very awkward.

I hope whatever you decide goes well.

[l'il esky]

hey lozza,
did you speak to your manager in the end?? how'd it go? xx

[lozza]

No I havnt as yet.... I havnt even really seen her outside of work... with xmas coming up and her being a manager she is like working every single day but the weekends (when I work) and so I like have no chance to talk to her... but thinking maybe after xmas when things calm down a bit...

[Everything is fine]

If she is your friend, then yes, tell her. But only if you consider her a friend. If she's just your boss then don't.

[lozza]

Well the other day I had a really big slip up and I freaked out!!!
I cut but it wasnt even that bad I swear but it wouldnt stop bleeding and I had to leave to go to my couns appt in the city (2hr drive) and I was scared and didnt know what to do. Without thinking I msgd my work manager (mind you this was at 6.15am) and she replied instantly asking if it was still bleeding, if I needed to go to hosp, and that if I did she would be right over at my house to take me...

I have never had the response before from someone ever!!!

I have since spoken to her a bit about it and although she said that she doesnt fully understand SH and why I do it, she is open to the fact that it is at the moment one of my strongest coping strategies and that even though I am trying to stop... its not that easy!

I think overall I am glad that she now knows a bit more of whats going on. She is even coming along to my next pdoc appt in a few weeks. Not because she is someone nice who I feel comfortable with though... she is coming to support me as a friend.

Part of me really hates this. Knowing that there is someone out there that is not mad, angry or upset at me for doing it. I mean, it makes me feel that each time I do it that I'm letting her down...
Someone cares about me and for a change its not someone like family or friends that have grown up with me.... instead its this person who saw me and who wants me to get better and who seems to want to help me through the recovery process when I am ready for it

Sorry for the long post.
Just wanted to let you guys know what ended up happening!

Loz. xxx

[Snow White.]

Wow.
Just amazing. She must be a pretty ace person & friend.
I'm very glad it worked out for you, so very well!

[ravynsoul]

Thanks for the update! That is really wonderful that she was/is so supportive.

Take care!

[l'il esky]

thanks for letting us know.....hun that made me cry, was so nice of her to do that.

it is really nice to have that kind of support, but dont feel like you are letting her down my sh-ing ever, cos you wont have....she is there to support you through good and bad xxxxxx