my mom goes through these phases where she's really unpredictable. one moment she'll be fine, the next, she's saying how hopeless life is. and when she's depressed she gets angry, and ends up taking it out on the rest of the family. well, mostly just my dad & i. i know she's been seeing a psychologist recently so i know she's at least getting some sort of help, but it's still really tough on all of us. luckily it hasn't gotten violent yet (she has been before, let me tell you!). i know the best thing for me to do is just lay low and try not to rock the boat...
whenever she gets like this, regardless of why or who she's arguing with, i always feel it's somehow my fault. like, if i could just be a better daughter, i could make her happy and she wouldn't get depressed and lash out like this. i know it's not logical, but it's a feeling i can't talk myself out of, unfourtunately.
I'm sorry that you're having a rough time at home.
I know it's difficult but you really need to stop blaming yourself for this. Why do you think that you're not being a good enough daughter?
It is good that she's getting help and you should try to be as supportive as possible and just be understanding. We are hereto help you through this too.
Take care.
Xx
Lying low sounds like the best idea. You are in no way to blame! I mean, your mum isn't well (mental health is just as important as physical), she's in the process of getting better...it'll take time and a lot of support and co-operation from everyone in the family. If you and your dad are in the same boat, maybe talk to him when she's taking things out on you, or even if you just need a bit of support from someone who knows what you're going through.
You may want to consider having a bit of family counselling, or seeing if you can speak to your mum's therapist on her own. It's something to think about or talk about with your mum and dad. It might give your mum's therapist some insight as to how she's been doing at home, how things are effecting you.
It sounds like you have a strong head on you any road. It can't be easy living with someone who's feeling depressed and being angry towards you for no reason at all... But if you can manage to stay strong, hold together as a family, and just keep holding on until things begin to improve, you will get through this.
Best of luck to you m'dear, and remember that RYL's here whenever things get tough. There's always somenoe to talk to.
xo
thank you--it helps to know i have people out there rooting for me ^^
Family counseling certainly has been considered (and is still being considered i think? not sure). and actually, i recently did meet my mom's therapist one-on-one, as she wanted to get a broader view of our family's dynamics.
I can really relate to what you're saying - my mum acts like that and I know it's hard when you don't know how she's going to react to something. Remember that is is in no way your fault, even she must realise that as she's now seeing a psychologist. I'm glad she is getting help, and she will get better.
I'd agree with what other people have said about lying low - it seems the best option. Talking to your dad about how you're feeling could really help too. Things will sort themselves out soon, I hope. Take good care of yourself. xo
"When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.”
The reason you feel guilty about your mother is because of guilt mis-applied. Kids whose parents divorce often feel its "their" fault when it is not. The actual guilt is from being angry with parents and the situation and then misinterpreting it to mean something larger. People are not meant to be over-reactive and emotionalised and must learn to use reason to modify responses. If your Mum tempts you to resent her then that resentment is going to cause real guilt right there. You need to be careful though not to magnify it by letting it demoralise you and cause you to assume responsibility for other peoples issues. In the ego/pride state its easy to make people feel responsible for many things they just aren't responsible for - especially when people get upset. If people sound mad and accuse others of even ridiculous things its easy to make people upset and then doubt themselves.
Its partly your mothers rage that makes her depressed and she can end up projecting the same identity into you via your reactions (law of emotional correspondence). Mom can make you go "dark minded" if your not wise. Its perfectly ok to feel hurt under such circumstances but be careful not to hate her (wish she was dead and the like - happens all the time). Its the hostility that opens the door to your mind and sows a shame based identity).
If you feel hurt and your knees knock in fear thats ok. Just "be aware" of the upsets and dont try to wrestle with them. See them and recognise the error and just quietly disagree with them in your attitude. In a little while the hurt and upset passes and you will be intact. In reverse, if you get upset you can feel a self righteous anger ("I'll show that bitch someday!" etc etc) but that always is a false bravado that collapses and then the real hurt emerges and your worse off.
Once you get the hang of the skill of not over reacting it will take more and more to upset you instead of less and less. People who like to bully you too will start to leave you alone because you 1) won't be any fun for them, and 2) they will be afraid of you because they will feel exposed and "watched" by comparison with your steady observation of them.
It is natural to blame ourselves when we somene we love going through somethng like this. But this is your mothers vice. It's nothing you do or have ever done. If your mum is getting help then that is a good thing. be patient, be understanding and, if you think you can, try and speak with her. let her know how you feel and how all of this affects you. The biggest problem with anger is that is can make you forget how much it can hurt those close to you. maybe if she knew it would drive her to maked further progress.
and if speaking to her is too hard, becasue some things are difficult to say to a loved one's face, then write your feelings down in a letter and leave it somewhere you know she will find it.
good luck and i hope things do get better for you.
Don't be fooled by my smooth skin. The deepest scars are the ones unseen.
Remember compliments you received, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how..~ Baz Lurhman.
Letting it get to you - You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now that's all that counts. ~ Doctor Who "The Doctors Wife" 06.November.2011
