Triggering (OD) - --> that says it all

[Merc]

i hate having to put a title..i dont ****ing know...how bout '****ed up again'?

The urge to OD is overwhelming..but is not possible for a few reasons..
1 im at (over , actually) one-week end of refill on the one thatv would do it
2 IF i had it i probably wouldn't (?) as then i would worry about the ensuing days and how i would manage med free...when why would it matter for several reasons..bveing that waht? i figure an od would super charge my 'recovery'?? or that i would then be out..but i would then also be dead...
It also pisses me off that the GP has restricted me to one week only for this very reason; when i swore it wasnt necessary and at the time believed it to be so and was mad no t to be believed...how ****ing ironic...
BUT..
he did not know of the ones i had pending..the refills left of two other meds..because he did not prescribe them so he did not know. I did not lie..he never asked...
so i could is uppose..and its a wild ride on these ones, the AP's..not in a fun way..pls dont think that..its horrid...but i still desire it
and the point of this???
if you can figure it out you get a prize...cos i sure as hell cant..sorry to waste your time
romp

[Sans Peur]

romp, remember what i said in my pm to you.

*hugs*

please take care xx

Romp.......please go carefully
Let me just say I really do understand, more than you know
much love
xx rowie xx

[~*forever_broken*~]

Oh Romp... I don't know what to say except that I'm glad your meds are restricted...we'd like to keep you around a bit longer and sometimes we need to be protected(and protect ourselves) from temptation. I'm sorry you're plauged by these thoughts/desires.
*big hug*
Please take care of yourself

Alyssa

[pea soup]

all i can say is please be safe.
love you romp.
xx

[Rain Keeper]

Running Outta Frogs Here Dear Romp!

[Merc]

I have to admit you are right Irene..it IS mostly the lack of control...i HATE being what i can or can't do..it bloody pisses me off and usually tends to make do the opposite LOL. WOW..that makes me sound charming doesnt it?! :|
But yes...you are right again..
romp

im sorry i dont have anything productive to say
but please take care of yourself Miss Rompie.

[Merc]

yes, it IS a good thing..even if i dont like it lol.
and i do need to stop the OD's....they are becoming daily again.
I just hate the fact that I cant control it and someone else has to. It's why i VERY seldom give my hubby my meds...i just cant stand 'being watched', being...guarded...
my mind set gets to be 'if i want ot do it i will bloody well do it'..not the greatest and i need to change that. Some doc/psych help for that would be appreciated :\.I guess to be honest...it is just so much easier to give in to it..as lame as that sounds...
romp

[Rain Keeper]

will pm you later.
i understand the giving in. easier. but your body cant go on like this romp. it wont. and here i am being selfish, but i cant let you leave. please go get help. please.

rain

[Bitter_Angel]

Perhaps instead of viewing it as being watched, maybe think of it as a break. A time when you dont need to make descsions. When you dont even need to think about it. You dont have to have that internal struggle anymore of should i shouldnt i, will i have enough, is it worth it. You dont have to do that now. I know you probably feel trapped at the minute, but at least you are recognising that this is a good thing.

You will feel so much better when your not ODing all the time. And as time goes by the urges will get less. They will be easier to cope wth. Until you get to the point when you can easily make your own descsions regarding it and you will feel safe in doing so.

Take care
Kim

[The Hierophant]

Rmp you can do this.
You have the strength inside to battle these urges and beat them
I know you do.
Hang on - we all care.
xxx