Triggering (SI/OD) - How helpful is medication? *also adult and rantish*

rockaroni · 08-12-2008, 01:54 AM

I'm just a little frustrated and mixed up at the moment, so I'm sorry if this makes little sense, or is a little rantish.

In May I was diagnosed with BPD and severe depression, and was put on 20mg of citalopram and 0.5mg of clonazepam to take up to 3 times a day when necessary.

I found the citalopram helped initially, but it soon kind of got over that sort of "breaking in" period, and things got pretty bad over the summer, I was cutting and being sent home from work requiring medical attention and so on. In October I ODed and ended up in hospital. I'd never seriously tried to kill myself before I was on the meds... however I have found the anti-anxiety meds (clonazepam) very helpful.

I haven't seen that psych since June, since I've moved from the area, and my GP down here is being somewhat unhelpful. He'll give me a month's worth of citalopram at a time, so I have to go back to be "reviewed" monthly, but he won't represcribe me the clonazepam or refer me to a psych down here until my old psych notes are faxed/sent over.

I took myself off my meds for a couple of weeks (for reasons I won't put up here...) and found I was SO much better, it's like the citalopram almost works like a mood stablizer for me, because it kind of cuts off my top level of happiness and well as the low. But really, for a few months, I've found my mood swings are getting just as dramatic, recently I've been wanting to hurt myself more, and I've been trying to fight it for 2 months and I want to give in... plus also it really kills my sex life which is really a crying shame.

I think if I really need to be on meds (which I'm not entirely sure I do), this isn't the one for me. But since my doctor won't refer me, and he's not exactly the sensitive type I want to talk to, what else can I do? Ask him to come off them? I feel like the only time in my life anyone took me slightly seroiusly was after I came out of hospital from my OD... why should it take that much? Maybe I'm better off it all.

jessye · 08-12-2008, 03:57 AM

Well I was on the good old prozac and had therapy at the same time and found that once I was put on the antidepressants I was much better physically and the therapy began to work. However I found that antidepressants completely numbed me, I stopped feeling. Like you it cut off any extremes in mood and killed my sex drive. I took myself off them after 18 months. Now I'm off them I'm still the same. I actually don't think about it anymore cos it depresses me. Through pretty much sheer willpower I managed to pull myself from the brink and have been on an even keel since then. But I'm not really myself, not really living. So I would say that medication really helped in terms of enabling me to live a 'normal' life without the cutting and crying and general misery. I guess it depends whether you prefer being able to feel but being in emotional turmoil. Or being a bit numb but functional.

I would say that if you're still in a bad place don't take yourself off. But push push push for a different medication.
x

silverfaerychild · 08-12-2008, 04:00 AM

Sometimes people have bad reactions to surent meds out there

which can cause some people to OD on em or do anything dumb

cause the med can either severally lower the Chem's in our brains or give us to high of the chems our brains uses

Amaryllis · 08-12-2008, 06:58 AM

Sometimes meds work. Sometimes different meds don't. Sometimes they totally screw you over.

I would say that you really NEED to go and get the doctor to refer you. Tell him what you've said here and if he won't refer you, you need to see someone who will. I was on the clonazepam for a couple of years and that stuff totally helped. But there were other medications that I tried as well.

Mental disorders can sometimes really suck because it robs you of the will to even fight for yourself.

Steel Maiden · 08-12-2008, 10:23 AM

Meds can help. But not so much in my experience. I've been on five different antipsychotics and none of them has worked in the long run. I think you need to see a psych and get a treatment review asap.

rockaroni · 08-12-2008, 03:47 PM

Thanks guys, that's been really helpful. I've only got 2 more doses left, so I'll try and get an appointment for Wednesday or Thursday before I go home for Christmas, so at least I don't have to go off them suddenly and maybe see a psych in the new year. Plus I'm seeing my counsellor tonight, so perhaps she'll write me a referal letter, that helped me last time.

Steel Maiden · 08-12-2008, 06:31 PM

I hope things work out for you.

sherlock holmes · 08-12-2008, 09:26 PM

It may be that you aren't on the "right" med. SRRIs as a whole never did anything for me. Even now I'm not convinced I'm on the right med, but I'm trying to give it a bit longer.

If you can't talk to your doctor then it's worth seeing another one or getting a referral to a psych. Some doctors are easier to talk to than others!

Wellingtons · 08-12-2008, 10:34 PM

Bit off topic, but I struggled to find any drug which worked for me. Every AD I took sent me off the wall (quite literally sometimes!).

Turns out my diagnosis was wrong, and I have bipolar instead of BPD. I started on lithium, and it's pretty much been a wonder drug. I'm a bit down/fuzzy headed sometimes, but my wild manic days seem to be long gone.

So yeah - it's just a matter of getting what's personal for you, and as there's so much out there, its different for everyone.