Triggering (SI/Suicide) - Tired of living

[airwolf282]

I'm so sick of it. I'm sick of always fighting with her. All it does is make me mad and then make me feel down. I just want us to be able to communicate properly instead of it always turning into WW3. If I was gone there wouldn't be any more arguments and she wouldn't have to worry about us always arguing. I feel like taking all my meds right now and washing them down with poison. Then she would be spared the embarresment of being married to a freak. I just don't know what else to do. We have no money and can't afford counselling. I know it's going to happen again. I will end up saying something hurtful and then feel bad later and end up SI'ing even though I really do love her. But when she gets moody she's always suspicious of me and gets annoyed that I have female friends that I talk to. It's like she doesn't trust me. I'm not that sort of person and have never cheated on anyone, not ever. Who the hell would want me anyway? I'm certainly not an attractive person, I'm ugly, have horrible skin and I don't have any muscle at all, just fat. I'm a freak that has to be medicated for the rest of my life and I have so many scars that are going to last my entire lifetime. I feel so stuck.

Nathan

[Louise]

i am so sorry that you are having a tough time right now, but please do not take the meds, i no it is the easy thing to do, but you have the rest of your life, and deep down do you really want to die? people would miss you, i am sorry your hurting like this. could you go to the doctor and tell him/her how you are feeling? can you talk to your family or friends about how you are feeling? your not a freak not at all, i always think i am and it is a horrible feeling. please keep fighting, you can get through this.

try to keep distracting yourself. and stay safe, keep talking to us. xx

[phoenixflames_forever]

Hey,

Am really not sure what to say, but in my opinion you would hurt her the most by taking your life. Although you may be arguing loads at the moment am sure you at least have good times together or have good memories - she wouldn't of married you anyways, and that's what you've got to fight for and stay alive for.
It infuriates me that people out a price on help nowadays, are there any free councellors you could maybe see? *naive*
You are a brilliant person and i always see you supporting round here, try and hold on, because you can make it through.
If you ever need to talk just PM me.

Thinking of you,

Phoenix xxxxx

[Casper_Fading]

Honey, i've been talking a little to her and I think she does care more than you think. 8cuddles* you're lovely, give yourself a little credit!

I don't have much to say right now but I'm thinking of you :)

Jess

[airwolf282]

Hey thanks for the replies. Sorry but I'm not feeling much better today I know that my wife and I have some unresolved tensions and I also know we need some help with conflict resolution. We are always down on energy and irritable. My wife is getting tested soon for possible sleep aponea and my meds slow me up heaps, especially the ones for the headaches. I want us to get some sort of guidance or counselling but I don't know where to start because we have little money and both of us are on pensions. To the best of my knowledge all couples counsellors charge an absolute fortune. Many of them are bastards, only in it for big $$$$$$ cashing in on people's suffering. Sometimes I feel so unappreciated that everything I do goes unnoticed and if I was to die tomorrow that it wouldn't make any difference

[Casper_Fading]

I would notice. And I would care. *cuddles*

[phoenixflames_forever]

Quote:

Originally Posted by <alive>

I would notice. And I would care. *cuddles*

Ditto xxxx

[ravynsoul]

Quote:

Originally Posted by phoenixflames_forever

Ditto xxxx

I agree with them. I hope you have a better day today!

Take care!