For the last eleven days my father has been away on a brief holiday to Portugal. For the last week I've been doing quite well. I've been feeling good. I've been smiling, laughing, joking and even feeling some of the approaching Christmas spirit as November shifts slowly into December and more and more xmas commercials appear on the television.
Every day I look for jobs on the internet and then after a few small household chores I battle with writers block over the rest of the day. There isn't much else to do when you're unemployed. It wasn't much but it was pretty good and I did find myself feeling ok with every day while I waited for work.
Tonight my father returned after his holiday and during his brief catch up, looking through the mail, checking phone messages, unpacking and so forth the inevitable question is asked "What have you been doing with yourself?"
I told him the same thing I have just said above, adding "If I were aplumber or an electrician I might have something by now but there's nothing. The credit crunch is getting worse."
To which he replied. "Well then, you should hurry and get a job then." In a highly disappointed tone. As if it was my fault that I hadn't found work and I just wasn't trying at all to find a job.
I feel as if i'm trying my best. I look on the job centre website and I look in the local paper when it arrives.
And yet the second that sentence was out of his mouth my mood fell and crashed. Now I feel miserable.
I'm 22, an adult, should the word of a parent really have such an effect on me? I feel like I'm a child being told off for doing something wrong.
I feel pathetic for not only being effected in this way and for also not being able to live up to the expectations of my parent.
All week I've been thinking how I'd like to get a pet cat and after just ten minutes in my fathers company I feel stupid for thinking it. He's not going to spend money like that. Not on what will essentially be MY pet. I have no money of my own, why would he spend so much?
Pathetic thoughts and pathetic dreams. I should stay more realistic.
Don't be fooled by my smooth skin. The deepest scars are the ones unseen.
Remember compliments you received, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how..~ Baz Lurhman.
Letting it get to you - You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now that's all that counts. ~ Doctor Who "The Doctors Wife" 06.November.2011
of course what your dad says affects you, the people closest to us have more power to hurt us than anyone else and it sounds like you just wanted him to accept that you're doing your best which you obviously are.
if it's really bothering you then mention it to him and tell him he upset you, otherwise try to forget it and take pride in the fact that you've been doing so well.
take care
*hugs*
Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you're immune to sentiments that hurt you honey. I'm not surprised you feel deflated after trying so hard and enjoying some liberating time alone. I can't comment for certain, as I don't know you very well, but all I will say is perhaps your Dad didn't mean to hurt you. From his point of view, i expect things were a bit different when he was your age, and he is comparing you're experience against his instead of taking into consideration the differences.
I know it must be really frustrating and disappointing to hear these things from your Dad, but maybe he just doesn't know how to help you? I'm not saying he was right to say what he said, I'm just suggesting that he might not have meant to be so harsh.
All you can do really is keep trying, and have a talk to your Dad, let him know how frustrated you are about not working. This might seem like a lame idea, but maybe if you sit him down and say how much of a struggle it's been he'll try to find a better way to talk to you about it.
You're idea of getting a cat is lovely and if you feel it would help, perhaps you could suggest it as a family pet? You can always go to your local rescue centre, there are lots of homeless animals that would appreciate a good home, especially at this time of year.
Sorry for going on, but I really just wanted to say I hope you're ok, don't give up yet, you were doing really well and you can be massively proud of yourself for that. I hope you feel a little happier again soon and best of luck with everything.
Ginny x
Play the game out
Amor Vincit Omnia
Dad 10/11/2008 Always our sunshine, I'm still playing for the town hall clock
Aw chick I really relate to you, Im 19, and my dads been working at home the last 2 days, everything he says really get to me :(
I guess parent will always have a lot of influence over us, we just got to figure out what we really want for ourselves. x
Blessed Be, x Pip
"Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be grateful that it happens in that order."
adopted by surprising mystery loves [prettyontheinside]
Small_Black_Flower is my sister
I left you a message on msn. HOney one sentance does not make you you. You are doing what you can, and that is all anyone can ask!!! *cuddles you tightly* love u sweetheart
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Parents always say the wrong things :/ They seem to have the ability to make you feel totally worthless, with minimum effort. *hugs* but you're not, and thats what you have to try your best to remember. Plus it sounds to me, like you're being pretty productive! I wish you luck on the job front. I'm trying to find part time work alongside my college course, but it really isn't happening at the moment. I am very sick of the credit crunch!
It's natural when soemone you look up to (I.E. a parent) expresses dissapointment to feel bad about it. Maybe you took it a little harder than you should have, but, you've recognized it for what it is. The credit crunch is hard on everyone. You're going to have a tough time finding a job. Just keep plugging away and do your very best. :)
