Some of my anxiety shows itself in OCD and one of my ritual type things is to take the knives and scissors out of the kitchen at night and put them in my room. As with most OCD things it started out logically, I had to keep them away from a member of my family for their safety. Things with that family member are well now but taking the knives and scissors away has become a ritual that I need to do in order to keep things alright, it has nothing to do with the knives and scissors directly but if I don't move them it might make something go wrong.
This member of my family found out that I have been moving the knives and was hurt/annoyed because they thought it was because I didn't trust them. I decided to be honest and told them that it was actually because it has become a ritual. Now i'm worried that i'm a bad inluence to them so i'm thinking of leaving the knives and scissors in the kitchen from now on to show them that they are not connected to any indirect aspect of anyone's well-being.
I can see that it sounds silly and illogical that moving knives and scissors could affect anything indirectly and part of me believes that. I'm really terrified though, what if I leave them in the kitchen and then something goes wrong because of my actions? Just because there is no logical proof that things can affect the future indirectly it doesn't mean that it isn't right. The world was still round before someone proved it.
I was thinking that maybe I could leave the knives that are used the most so maybe if I do part of the ritual then that would make up for it. I'm still doing all of my other rituals because they are less obvious. But what if any changes to my rituals result in disaster? Is it really worth challenging? It's better to have someone else in my family possibly develop bad coping methods than whatever else might occur because of me not following my rituals. Or is it? I don't know.
Can someone please tell me what I should do? I need to make this decision within 4 hours. This truely could be a matter of life or death, safety or risk.
I hope that I haven't made things worse for anyone else with OCD, I know this isn't logical.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I actually think that even thinking about breaking this ritual is a really good step for you to take right now. It shows that you've recognized that it's not rational or logical, even if you can't quite agree whether or not to do it yet.
I was going to suggest a compromise - putting one knife in the kitchen tonight and gradually upping the number night by night until you no longer need to put them in your room at all, but it seems you've already had that thought. I think it's a very good idea.
I know it's hard to believe it, but disrupting your rituals will not have any bad consequences for you or your family. They don't affect external forces, the only thing that will happen is an increase in your anxiety, do you think you can cope with that? Nothing bad was happening before you started taking the knives out of the kitchen, and nothing bad will happen if you put them back there.
I think it's a very positive thing to do, and if you can't manage it all at once, leave one knife in there tonight. 2 tomorrow, etc etc until you start feeling a bit more comfortable.
I know it's hard and that it will make you feel 'itchy' (if that makes sense), but honestly, it'll be ok. x
I think Amy's/your idea is actually a really good one, and action wise I don't think I have anything to add.
I just wanted to reassure you that nothing bad is going to happen if you stop doing ANY of your rituals. I mean, there are thousands of millions of people in the world that don't do any at all, and bad stuff doesn't happen to them, does it? Or if it does [because the probability of someone stubbing their toe or something is quite high] it has nothing to do with them not doing it, and everything to do with it being an accident.
What I'm trying to say is that if bad stuff DID happen, it would happen regardless of whether you did your rituals or not. And seeing as they're an unhealthy thing to do, trying to stop doing them is a brilliant and positive step forward.
What about starting off by leaving one pair of scisors in the kitchen. Start with the bluntest. And after a week if nothing bad happens then leave two. And o on. Your testing it to make sure that nothing bad happens and it shouldnt be such a shock to you.
But well done for even thinking of it.
You should be so proud of yourself for leaving two knives. Has anything gone wrong? Even if something did go wrong, it doesnt mean it is because you left the knives. Bad things happen all the time and we cant always control them. You have to think in detail why exactly you think that not moving the knives would result in something bad happening and when something bad does happen, think about all the explanations of why it could have happened, not just because you failed to complete your ritual. You cant prevent bad things happening even if you did keep up your ritual, its impossible. As on of the others said, nothing bad happened before you started doing your ritual, nothing is going to change that much if you stop. Try and think rationally, I know its hard with OCD. Are you getting any help for your OCD? If not, it would be a good idea to talk to a doctor, and if you are, it might be worth mentioning how you feel and that you want to try and control your actions.
Nothing seems to have gone wrong yet. I emailed my psychologist who said that rituals just give an illusion of control. That means I have no control at all. Brilliant.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I know it feels scary to feel 'out of control' but really hun, she's right. You can't control life. You can Contribute and Change aspects or directions of your life but you can't control it-nobody can. You can control your own actions, reactions etc though-and that is equally important. And even if bad things do happen in life, there are people all around you to help you through, and if you have no control over those things you also have no repsonsibility over them.
Take care
Katy.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
I agree with Buttons. Nobody can control everything in life. You can't control other people and what happens to them anymore than you can control the weather. What you can control is how you react to things and deal with things.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
Thank you. I hate the feeling of having very little control.
Strangely, yesterday was a pretty good day and I felt better than I have in a while. Work went well and I accepted the fact that things seem to be well with my brother and that hopefully they could continue in that way. I wanted to try and challenge my rituals little by little, but in the cold light of today everything seems scary and out of control again. Maybe by changing the knife ritual I have made things better but I shouldn't change anything else again incase the rituals have to stay the way they are now.
I hate this.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Hey i could relate to what you say so much though of course i could never really imagine how you are feeling or what you are going through each day.
i take a lot of tablets each day mainly to hurt/kill myself eventually but also part of the reason i take them is cos i feel i have to in order to keep the people around me safe.
i fear that if i dont do that or some other things then that bad things may happen or the people around me who i care about most will not be safe or die or something will happen to them.
Sometimes i also feel that i have to do something a certain number of times like touching something a certain number of times to keep people safe, stop bad things from happening.Then i always worry ive done it the wrong number of times or something and that the bad thing may still happen and then i have to do it all again etc just to make sure.
Sorry i dont mean to go on about me but the reason i have explained my experiences is that i just wanted to say i think your really brave.For instance i know deep down that a lot of the things i do or my mind makes me think are illogical but i am too scared to challenge them - i know how difficult it can be and i think youve done really fab by getting this far.
By challenging the knife ritual a bit you were so so brave.Unquestionably, amazingly so.You have got further than i have yet and are so brave!And im glad nothing bad has happened that you might have ended up feeling could be a consequence of your changing things [though of course if anything bad did happen it couldnt be really.]
i know that you are still worried that if you go on to change other rituals bad things may still happen as a 'consequence' but what you have done is brilliant and slowly you can get there with this.
Please take the time to acknowledge this success then perhaps see if you can move further with it but for now you have done really well.
Do this in your own time and you will get there?Please keep talking to us, well done for being brave enough to post.Also feel free to PM me anytime.
How are you doing now?i hope your alright and not feeling too bad today.
Take care.
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
Thank you very much. It's good to know that someone can relate to my worries. It's difficult to challenge any compulsions when it seems like they are directly conneced to the wellbeing of other people. If I had to do my rituals for my own wellbeing then I think it would be easier for me to break away from them but because they are related to the safety, health, and happiness of my family it seems very risky to challenge them.
I did think more logically last night and realised that, ultimately, my family are responsible for their own wellbeing and all I can do is support them. But it comes back to the fact that no one can really prove that my rituals don't have some effect on them, so it would be wrong of me to put my family in danger.
I hope that you are well, taking large amounts of tablets won't be good for you.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
