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Feeling bleuch - ignore, just need to get it out
What words can I use to explain how I'm feeling at the moment?
Tired? Achy? Hurting? Cold? Empty? Frustrated? Annoyed? Upset?
All of those and more, and I don't really have an explanation for it.
I just feel crappy at the mo. I can't seem to concentrate on doing anything, even stuff I like to do, and that I think, is the worst feeling. When I look at my computer or notebooks and think I'll start or continue to write a story, I just end up looking at the blank screen or paper, and do nothing.
Or the same when I feel like drawing something, I just end up looking at blank paper, pencil in my hand. And nothing happens. The same when I pick up a book, or a cross stitch kit.
Work is the same, and that is not good. It's not as if I can say that it will wait til tomorrow now - some of the stuff is immediate and deals with safety of civilians and police officers. Not good.
Family are causing me trouble too, and it's got to the point where I just want to tell them all to just leave me alone. That I don't care about your sodding pantomine, that I don't care about your unfair shift patterns (you could always get another job!), and I definitely don't care about your alcoholism (and no way in hell is that Mum's fault because she didn't hug you enough when you were a kid, you useless dick head!).
I find myself sobbing at anything, at the moment too. And it can be embarrassing, because it seems to happen everywhere. I thought it was PMT (I stopped taking my anti Ds some time ago, so now the PMT is back), but that was 4 months ago, and it hasn't gone away. I had to leave my desk earlier and get some fresh air because something I was reading really upset me. And it wasn't something drastic either, just silly.
Sigh. I feel like I could go to sleep for a year, and wake up in 12 months to find things will be different. But it won't.
And it doesn't help that I have rotator cuff injuries in both shoulders, tendonitis in one arm and they both hurt like hell. And I've got tooth pain. But what do I do with the money I have saved - dentist? get the car fixed so I can continue to go to work and earn money, or buy cat food?
I might just take some painkillers and go to bed.
Loz x
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What kinda stuff do you like to stitch?
