I don't believe in a "god". However, the closest thing that I have come to finding a "god" is "love". I am, of course, not just talking about romantic love, but the love for friends and humanity too.
To answer your question, you first have to know what kind of love it is that you're talking about. The love of a mother for a child is different to that of a child for the mother. Different to that is love for friends, and different to that is love for family. Different to that is love for a partner or lover. Different to that is the love for a pet. Different to that is love with oneself, and learning to love yourself.
Im hazzarding a guess that you are not talking about romantic love here however.
Platonic love for someone or thing is just something you "know" really. Its doesnt need questioning, its just "there" i guess. I know thats lame but i really cant quantify it at all.
Love for oneself shouldnt, (as it often does), be confussed with some sort of narciscism (sp?). Self love is a state of mind i think. Its a feeling of contentment and at peace with yourself. Its where you are able to respect yourself, physically and emotionally. Having a sense of inner trust/knowing/being and peace. Its where you do not have to feel guilty for putting yourself first as long as its not at the detriment of others. Its about listening to your body and minds needs and helping it to nourish them. Nurturing ones self. Its about making you the best you that you can be! (lotta you's there). Its about giving yourself loads of hugs, mataphorically speaking. Its about realising ultimately that you deserve and are capable of all of the above.
Overwhelmingly subjective of course but those were the first things that came to mind.
i agree with whats been said. hope you find what your looking for.
hugs
The glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time you fall. (chinese proverb)
We can cure physical disease with medicine but the only cure for loneliness, despair and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love.(mother teresa)
Thanks everyone.
Matt, you're right. I'm not really talking about romantic love here, although of course that would be part of it. What I'm facing is a primal inability to love others, to feel love, because of huge amounts of envy, jealousy, hatred and anger.
I'm really scared, because, well. It explains so much. But surely people will run away from someone like me, not even giving me a chance to experience love. But no, actually I run away from others because I'm jealous and angry.
I'm not a cold person. I'm not. I have tears in my eyes as I'm typing this. I can be cold. But that aches. It really aches.
I want to be at peace with myself and others, hold my conflicts in awareness but not act them out so that my relationships are damaged or incomplete. I want ... to feel as a whole person does.
I do feel concern, I have felt tenderness and empathy. I do have insight.
I'm just blindsided by this bomb of internal envy and hatred and longing.
I think, love is very connected to hate, jelousy(sp?) and anger. It is a very strong and powerful emotion.
I have also been very afraid to love anyone, or to express that because i was so afraid of rejection. It is not unusual to feel this way Katie, especially when you have survived bullying or abuse.
I would consider tenderness and empathy to be forms of love, or maybe expression of love would be more accurate.
Take care,
xxxx
"Has anyone seen my contact lens? It may be stuckto a tree or a rock or something. Oh boy, I am so grounded" Family Guy
if everyone cared and nobody cried, if everyone loved and nobody lied, if everyone shared and swallowed their pride, we'd see the day that nobody died
I think you need to keep going in the direction you are. 30+ years of one mindset takes along time to change. But you ARE changing and its for the better. Just keep in the same direction.
You have spent alot of time and effort thinking. Perhaps its time to stop for a while. Just let it be and see what happens.
I was posting on my Blog earlier and had a bit of a breakthrough and cried a lot. I've also unstuck one of the blocks. [I'll post about that on my Blog later]. Not sure whether it's started to unblock the love thing, but it's eased the envy and rage some, at least.
