Triggering (Suicide) - I f*kin hate them

[Ghostface]

I just come home from the emergency room, had to stitch up my arm. Anyway, the doctor was really nice(young and hot too x) and he said he thought it would be best if I went to the hospital and stayed for the night. At first I didnt agree...But I changed my mind, cause I felt really unsafe and scared what I might do.And he was very understanding and told me he would fix it, he just had to make a couple calls..
So I waited for about half an hour. When he came back he told me he was very sorry, but they didnt want me to be hospitilized. It was like a kick in the stomack. Ive been hospitilaized for 2 months, got out 9 days ago, and ive had a rough time since then.The thing they told me over and over again before leaving was that if I had any problems or become suicidal I had to call them, and that I should know that there was a safe place I could come when I feel unsafe.

I feel betrayed, i feel stupid, I feel lonely, Im scared.
And Im angry. But, as usual, I turn it around, and get mad at myself instead of them.

My dad is here now, he doesnt know ive got stitched up or anything. I dont know how to tell him.

I just feel F'ucked right now...I was standing on this bridge thing som minute ago, and it scares me how close I was to jumping.
It's not like I REALLY want to die, but I cant get my mind of it, and I keep doing worse and worse thing. I feel like those stupid people from the hospital is just mocking around with me.

I really need some support, i dont know where to turn :( I wish i didnt use all my sleeping pills on tuesday when i OD'd, I cant stand this.

[Ghostface]

Mhm, but I guess ill be back to my "normal" depression state by tomorrow..I am already really.So I dont know if being hospitilized again will help, but they told me I could come there just for a night if I felt unsafe.

I told my dad, he came in for a quick visit in my appartment, I kind regret it cause he wanted me to promise me not to cut anymore and I felt really guilty. But anyway, I think it helped a little telling someone...And he said he would call the hospital tomorrow and give them a lection xD

[sherlock holmes]

I think the important thing to remember here is that you didn't do anything even though you felt suicidal. You were close, but you didn't.

Maybe the hospital had no beds, or they thought you could cope. They did say to ring/go back if you felt unsafe and you didn't do that. You can't stay mad at them when they offered an alternative way to help you and you didn't take it.