I tried to kill myself this morning.
Not one of my silly OD attempts. I guess I'm not allowed to say what I did, but as you can tell it didn't work.
But now I've failed I know exactly what I did wrong, and what I need to do.
The voices are commanding me to kill my sister.
I deserve to die more than she does, so I should die to save her.
I can't handle the voices anymore, I'm constantly terrified of the spies.
Everyone says I'm ill, but I'm not. I need someone to understand the truth; I have powers to talk to the dead and that is why I hear voices. And because of these powers people are spying on me, following me, plotting to kill me.
You ARE ill. That's why people are saying it.
Regardless of what you think or feel, you are ill. The voices in your mind are ones of your own, they aren't real - it's not a lack of understanding from those around you, because people understand you're suffering, but you need to accept you're ill and need help..otherwise no one can help you.
You need to let people in zowie.
It's dangerous that you're being "told" to kill your own sister. It isn't normal. That IS being ill. And you need to seek help not only for yourself but those around you.
You don't deserve to die, no one "deserves" to die hun.
*Cuddle*
You really do need to phone someone though, to tell them exactly what is going on. You aren't in a safe place right now and you need that support.
xx
hun its really important you tell someone exactly how bad you're feeling and what the voices are saying if you havent already.
you do NOT deserve to die for hearing these voices, remember that they can't tell you the truth like the people in your life can, try to listen to them and let them help you. please be safe,
talk on here when things get bad
take care
PM me anytime x
I took the clonazepam but it didn't calm me down.
Dad forced me to take my mirtazapine and risperdone so that's going to make me sleep. I'm scared of sleeping, it's when I'm most vunrable to attacks. I know the spies have bugged my house. They've probably hacked into this computer too and know everything I'm typing about them.
The man said he'd poisoned my food, so I ate every last bit and didn't purge. Nothing happened. He's a liar. I guess he was trying to trick me into not eating because him, Beth and me all hate how fat I am. I guess he wasn't bargaining on me actually wanting the food to be poisoned.
I feel really fat now that I've eaten so much without purging. It's too late now, it's probably all got in by now.
I'm scaring myself. I'm preparing to die. I'm so fucking terrified of death, and yet it seems like the only option.
No death isn't the only option hun. Far from it.
Can you make an appointment to see your Dr tomorrow? Say it is an emergancy, which it really eh...
Get some rest, you will be safe, ok. Just try and stay strong.
I want to kiss the bottom of the ocean before I burst through its surface into the sunlight, otherwise I will always be wondering about what was left unseen at the bottom
i'm tired of chasing my dreams. i'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.
hey, hun
please, talk to someone. even if it's just on RYL. You don't deserve to die.*hug*
But you are ill. These voices you're hearing- they're in you head. And now where else. But you can get better, you can get away from them when you accept that you are ill and accept help.
Please try to stay safe. <3
Lyn
Death isnt an option... you may think it is but it isnt. Because you can get through this!
i am sorry that you are finding it really really hard to accept that you are ill, but i do think that you can see that you need hel... adn want help!!!
Please please go see your doctor or cpn or something because they can try to help you to see that these people you are scared of and who are hacking into your computer and things... are not real... Your anxiety is at such a high stage that you are believing the impossible.
I konw whats happening to you feels real... but it isnt and i need you to hold on to that fact that it isnt real... and i am telling the truth!!!
You are really paranoid and you just need to calm down and try to get some help!
Lots of hugs and best wishes!!!
xxx Please take care... and knowbody deserves to die... I know that things will be better soon... just keep holding tite!
Please feel free tp pm me i would like to know how you are doing!!!
Here is an angel of healing i drew for everyone needing that extra hope... God bless you all and i wish you a speedy recovery...
I saw my doctor, a different doctor to the nice one I saw yesterday. He was really dimissive even when I told him I had tried to kill myself and just told me to go to A&E.
I went to A&E.
They told me to take a double dose of my benzo tonight and my cpn will phone me first thing in the morning to discuss my options. I think two of the options are admission and Crisis team.
To be honest I hope I get admitted. It's like every now and then I loose all control and do stupid things. This morning I tried to slit my wrists but none of my tools were sharp enough. Yesterday I tried to hang myself.
I'm just so scared that soon I'm going to loose control, stop thinking and either kill myself or really hurt someone else.
I hope you CPN can come up with an option that will be best for you. It is awful that your were just sent home with advice to take an extra pill.
I want to kiss the bottom of the ocean before I burst through its surface into the sunlight, otherwise I will always be wondering about what was left unseen at the bottom
i'm tired of chasing my dreams. i'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.
Here is an angel of healing i drew for everyone needing that extra hope... God bless you all and i wish you a speedy recovery...
