Before I start this, I'd just like to remind everyone not name or link to other sites!
Basically I'm interested to know how many people use "pro" self-harm sites in addition to RYL, or even just ones with much laxer rules.
Because I see a lot of hypocrisy round here. I see people wanting to bring in stricter rules and then see the same members posting pictures of their self-harm or discussing things on pro-sites. This duality really confuses me, I mean why would you want strict rules in one place, but incredibly lax ones in another place you use?
I use RYL because it is a large and friendly community. However when I want to look at self-harm pictures/ask a question about something that wouldn't be allowed on RYL, then I use other sites.
I'm guess I'm interested in knowing what proportion of you use other sites? And if you do, why do you? Do you do it to purposely trigger yourself, or are you just interested in discussing self harm without any boundaries about tip-sharing? Or are there other reasons?
Also, if you do use other sites, do you specifically use a "pro" and a recovery site so you change site depending on your mood? And do you want different rules on both sites? Or do you use RYL because it is such an active community with great people and then use pro-sites when you feel RYL's rules are restrictive?
Please note this is not a criticism of individual members, or the way in which RYL is run. It's just something I've noticed as I've used both kinds of sites and it intrigues me as to what other's reasons are for doing so.
I use pro sites for one purpose, and RYL for another. I might be a hypocrite, but I respect both sides of the coin and therefore the rules on both sides of the coin mean a lot to me. I'm not making sense, but I'll try and explain later.
Basically, you were probably referring to me in your first post. Ok, so I am touchy about people covernig up scars/cuts. I have personal opinions about having scars/cuts showing. I see there is a need to keep things hidden, and I don't understand why that can't just be done by wearing long sleeves (and yes I have spent summers in a psych hospital with kept the central heating on during the summer). However (and people who knew me on V2/v1 know I used to do this myself) I disagree with having scars/cuts to show because it's triggering, gross, whatever. However on pro sites, I expect it and I find it helpful if I am already triggered to look at pictures of self harm, pictures of my own, pictures of my friends. You probably think it's sick, but so it hurting yourself in the first place. Then you will notice, if you were referring to me in your first post, I still don't post methods on pro sites, even if I do pictures. I also find taking pictures and getting comments can stop me self harming for a time, as it gives me something to think on, some sort of validation. I also think the competitiveness that is subtle and underlying in every site is much better when people are open about it and don't taboo it, because by voicing it we can help ourselves not to do it rather than pretend we're all fine and dandy. So I basically differentiate the needs and uses of pro sites vs recovery sites.
No I wasn't referring to you at all Roby.
If I've encountered you on a pro-site I certainly haven't realised it was you. There are a number of members here I know post on both kinds of sites and it was directed at them as a whole.
I only use RYL day to day, but I'd be lying if I said that I haven't visited other self-harm sites - pro, or not.
Other communities I've found just don't appeal, and they don't seem like the kind of place I could ever become a part of. If I do visit pro websites, then it will be in a really unsteady period, and it's more pro-ED sites than pro-SI sites for me, and I won't join them, remember their names, or be a regular thing. It will be frantic Googling to find something pro, or tipsharing, rather than being loyal to one site - like I am here.
RYL provides a place, generally, where I have a sense of belonging and safety. It doesn't feel as if I could get that any place else, and any other sense of belonging, particularly on pro sites, just seems manipulative somehow. I can't explain it.
I admit I've used pro-sites for thinspiration and SI pictures.
But I don't think RYL should be too cotton-woolled either. I mean, seriously, it's a self-harm support site.
There are times when, no matter what anybody says, I'll be determined to do something. I'd rather leave people on RYL (who may not be in good places themselves) alone and not waste their time trying to help me when I'm in a p*ssy mood, than post for support and not accept it. I don't think that would be fair of me.
I use RYL for the friendship, support and supporting other people. But I do have days when I won't listen to reason and that's when I spare you all and go someplace else to be moody :p
I sound like a bitch but hey.
Just my take on things.
RYL is the only site I actively use and post on...I use it for the community, not to be judged...for distraction, to help hopefully sometimes...and I think it's focus on recovery is great.
I wish I could say I've never been on a pro site but when I've been very low or not caring what damage I do to myself ( ' the worse the better' kind of mentality), I have been onto them to trigger myself but never joined..
Normally, when I'm in my 'rational' frame of mind, I think Pro sites are pathetic and really terrible and I wish there was a way they could be shut down. Also, even though I've deliberately gone out of my way to find SH pictures at times, usually it just annoys the crap out of me that people would post them, I don't understand it at all. *stops sidetracking*
'Won’t you run, fly, open up your lungs tonight, breathe freedom for the first time in your life..'
I probably come across as a huge hypocrite. I use pro sites as well as RYL, but for different reasons.
RYL is my safe place. I know on here I can get support and in a way depend on this place BECAUSE of the rules. I feel protective of the other members, too, which is probably why I started those threads about SI excuses and SI dates in sigs.
I use pro sites when I feel like what I want to say needs somewhere with no rules. For when I want to post pictures and see other people's pictures. When I feel more self destructive. But it doesn't feel safe, and I feel wary of saying too much because I couldn't bear to be responsible for tip sharing or anything like it.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
I only use RYL day to day, but I'd be lying if I said that I haven't visited other self-harm sites - pro, or not.
Other communities I've found just don't appeal, and they don't seem like the kind of place I could ever become a part of. If I do visit pro websites, then it will be in a really unsteady period, and it's more pro-ED sites than pro-SI sites for me, and I won't join them, remember their names, or be a regular thing. It will be frantic Googling to find something pro, or tipsharing, rather than being loyal to one site - like I am here.
RYL provides a place, generally, where I have a sense of belonging and safety. It doesn't feel as if I could get that any place else, and any other sense of belonging, particularly on pro sites, just seems manipulative somehow. I can't explain it.
x
Pretty much said what i was going to.
Ali xox
With demons dancing off mirror images reflecting all that you wanted.
So far from perfect, onward we will strive.
Take it for what it's worth, this truth that you've realized.
You're not who you thought you were, it's time to see the other side of what you have become.
Only ever been on RYL, never even thought about the idea of pro SI sites at all. I know pro ED sites exist, but hadn't considered the same for SI. The idea of a pro SI site actually frightens me a little!
Like someone else said, I feel safe here. I've only been here a month or so, but I pretty much feel like I've found my 'place' here and I think that with the rules as they are, RYL is a safe haven for many people.
