struggling..needing support. *trigger everything*

[babii.blu.eyes.]

i know i never post here. but please. i cant do this anymore.
im trying so hard not to cut. to eat. not to purge. trying to please everyone.
i cant do it.
i cant bear to eat anymore.
i cant bear to go another minute without cutting.
i dont want to keep living.
there is NO point.
when he called me on friday night i dont know what happened.
i havent been doing well. im never doing well.
but i had been coping.
and now im not.
everything has come crashing down around me and i cant even compose myself in the morning.
normally i can atleast last half a day. normally a whole day.
im sorry.
i got sent home. wasnt allowed to sit my exam.
when i got home.
i cut. over and over and over and over. untill i couldnt feel anything anymore.
i didnt want to feel.
to top everything off. a guy at school assumed he knew why i was crying.
and now he is telling everyone im pregnant.
ive already had 2 abortions.
i DONT need to be constantly reminded about having children.
when i cant.
and i want to so bad.
the pain is back. i want to cut again.
this is all too hard.
and i know people tell me im strong enough. but im not.
some people see. some people dont.
why cant my parents see how fake i am. why cant they see that i hurt so bad. no i dont want them to see. but god how i do want them to see.
everything just hurts so so bad.
and i want everything to end.
im so sick of this life. im so sick of everything that happens in life.
i just cant take this anymore.
it just wont go away.
all of it.
im sorry this is so long. and im sorry to be so 'needy'
i just didnt know what to do.
part of my wants to go back into hospital. but i know that my psych wont send me. i just know she doesnt think im bad enough. and i dont want to ask her for hospital. last time i admitted and asked for it. she wouldnt because she thought i wasnt bad enough because i was rational enough to ask.
omg.
im so so scared right now.

xxox.
anna.

[Casper_Fading]

*cuddles* honey you've done really well. You have had a tough time for so long. YOu don't know what to do when you're actually coping so when something bad happens it makes it seem so much worse. CUtting isn't going to fix it. you knw that. all it does it make you feel bad :( You want to lose weight, you wont do it by not eating. you KNOW this. You lost wiehgt whn u stayed with me! U lost weight cause you ate and did NOMRAL exercise.

I love you honey. i'm sory i don't have anythign much goo fto say. *hgus*

[Yellow]

*squishes*
im sorry.
i have nothing to offer except an ear to listen or an eye to read as it be.
thinking of you.
much love.
xxxxxxxxxx

[ashlee_118]

*cuddles* take care anna always here 4 u
Ash xoxo

[akita]

You can do this Anna, we are all behind you through every step of it.

[babii.blu.eyes.]

i dont seem to be able to tell my psych whats happening.
she knows about abuse.
but not the extent.
part of me needs to tell her. but the other part wont.
my friend suggested writing a letter to her with everything i cant seem to say.
has anyone done this?.
because im considering actually doing it.
but im scared as hell of what will happy AFTER i hold it out.
and let her take the letter from my hands.

[loopylou]

when i was younger and seeing psych i hardly spoke to her for the first couple of months i eventually wrote her a letter and posted it cause i couldnt stand to be in the same room as her when she read it. i found it helpful at the time because i struggled to open up about anything, i still do.
only thing that bothers me slightly about having written the letter years ago is that it is permentaly in my psych files. i wish now that i had asked for it back once she read it so i could destroy the letter. *shrugs*
hope that helps sorry if it doesnt ((hugs))

[babii.blu.eyes.]

thanks.
is good to know iit helped someone else.
i posted the letter i wrote. but i dont know if i can send it.
xxox.

[akita]

You can do this Anna, send her it and let her give you the help you deserve.


((((((((((anna))))))))))

[ashlee_118]

Let her in and let her help u babe u soo deserve all the help and support you need.
xoxo

[siluryman]

Anna

Please send it, you will be so relieved when you do, give them the chance to help you

You deserve so much help and support, don't you ever forget it

Luv
Lee xxx