My Mum told me to start collecting things to take to hospital...So I'm using my bedroom floor (I've taken all the junk off it) to lay out things for hospital...
But I'm scared.
I'm scared that I'll get to hospital and completely lose it because my Mum's been suppressing me for all this time.
I'm scared that I'll try to kill myself again or give myself massive nosebleeds like I've done so many times before in hospital and I'll get sectioned and sent to the secure unit...I've already burst a few blood vessels in my nose over the past two nights. I had to clean the pools of blood up in case my Mum woke up.
I've got nanomachines in my blood and I have to bleed because they're inside my blood and I want them out.
They won't let me have leave if I slip up and being in hospital all day will make it worse...my doctor said I would have leave when I go in.
I can't eat their food...what if they make assumptions and don't let me have leave?
Also the clozapine will take TWO WEEKS to start working...Things could get worse in those two weeks because I effectively won't be on anything because the clozapine wouldn't work yet...
I AM SCARED OF GETTING SECTIONED.
Its happened before. I go into hospital voluntarily. I lose it because I'm completely alone. The Voices take over. I hurt myself really badly or I try to kill myself. I get restrained. I freak out even more because I do when I get restrained. The Voices get worse. I freak out more. I get turned on my front. I get forcibly injected. 15 minutes later I feel the sedation come over me. Repeat this over a few times a day for two days. I start refusing medication because the Voices prevent me from taking them. I get sectioned because you can't force someone to take medication unless they're sectiond and if one gets restrained and injected a few times its grounds for sectioning. I get sent to the secure unit. I loose all hope. I spend my days being restrained/injected/sleeping off the injections/crying/screaming. I get clinical dehydration again and they threaten me with intravenous fluids.
Its happened three times before and its so hard to convince the doctors to let me out of the secure unit...I had to lie last time.
I don't want to go through this again.
If the nurses catch me letting blood I am dead.
I'm scared.
Really scared.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Babey xxxxx Im sirry you feel like this. TELL the doctors what your scared of so they can tell ya what they are going to do and they can give you the best possible care xxx. What are you planning on taking to the hopisdal babe x?
I agree with above post, tell the Drs and nurses your fears. Print out what you wrote even. I think you put it really clearly and if they see what you fear they can work with you to help prevent that. Like sorting out prn meds for when the transition of meds is in place.
I want to kiss the bottom of the ocean before I burst through its surface into the sunlight, otherwise I will always be wondering about what was left unseen at the bottom
i'm tired of chasing my dreams. i'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.
Thanks guys....I would ask for PRN meds but my doctor said I can't take anything that would make me drowsy as it would prevent them from monitoring the side-effects of the clozapine...
F*CKING SH*T DARN IT CRAP.
Sorry.
I am planning on taking clothes, books for when things are better, both my mobiles, lots of paper, pens to write with, lots of music, lots of batteries, MP3 player, headphones, mobile phone charger, toiletries, playing cards. This list is not exhaustive. I'm sure to add more.
I don't know if I care any more about being sectioned...I just can't hold this in. I have to let my blood every day otherwise the nanomachines will take over.
The anger in me is rising. Really rising. I am beginning to feel desperate. Every time I walk into the kitchen to get a drink of water or something I end up staring at the knife rack and I can't take my eyes of it. My hands itch and twitch and the Voices tell me to grab that knife and do what I am commanded to do.
I've lost 2kg in weight.
I've been going to bed at 6am and waking up at 11am for the past several days.
Sorry this is so long. I'm just so scared.
I'm trying to blast the Voices out with Mudvayne on loud but its not working.
They're screaming at me, yelling at me to go out of the house and kill. I want to run away tonight. I'll walk up to West Barnes level crossing and stand on the tracks while the barriers are down and the lights are flashing. Nobody will see me in the dark.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
My Dad recently went into hospital to start clozapine and was told he could have some meds if he got to distressed. Turned out he couldn't start the drug in end due to his liver function.
But he was told he could have something. Surely they wouldn't inject you either then. So they must come up with another plan of action surely.
I'll slap the voices and tell them to bugger off too. pfft at them.
I want to kiss the bottom of the ocean before I burst through its surface into the sunlight, otherwise I will always be wondering about what was left unseen at the bottom
i'm tired of chasing my dreams. i'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.
Ok when I go to hospital I will ask for PRN to be written up when I see the doctor.
I'll get internet access there but even if the computer is busy I have my second mobile phone which has unlimited internet on it. I can't answer PMs on my phone though. I can only answer posts.
I will try not to get sectioned but it might not go to plan.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Your not being annoying. I hope things go okay. Print the this page out and show them what your worrying about xxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx thinking of you all the time babe x
I want to kiss the bottom of the ocean before I burst through its surface into the sunlight, otherwise I will always be wondering about what was left unseen at the bottom
i'm tired of chasing my dreams. i'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.
you're not being annoying whatsover *also;.. tells the voices to shutup and go away*
I'm glad you're taking lots with you to be occupied with.
You don't have nanomachines in your blood, please don't make yourself belled like that, you don't have to, honestly.
Are you scared the food their will be unsafe?
Is it possible you could get your parents to bring food and drink in instead?
I hope thay will give you a PRN, it definitely sounds like you need it. I also hope the new medication will take effect fast and help your symptoms as quickly as possible.
I'm thinking of you.
i can tottally empathise with you atm... Its shit and nobody realizes how utterly institutionalized you can get in a hospital... and how bored and self indulgent it make you feel...
i found that i got so much worse when being in a hospital... although i was in there for a long time and gradually things did get better.
i am sorry that this is happening and i really do hope that people start to understand your real needs and listen to you instead of treating you as a mental health patient (does that make sence).
I really do wish that nurses and doctors realized that we all need different treatment as we are all unique whereas when you are put in a hospital it makes you feel very degraded!! You need the right help.. and hopefully people will realize that hospital admissions are the easy way to try and treat things... when actually there is so much more to be done.
You will get there!!!
Please feel free to pm me whenever you wish... and let us no how you are getting on.
i will be thinking of you,
Please take care and try to keep safe... i know you can do it... i have seen by your posts that you are a strong person!!!
Good luck and best wishes!
Jen x
Here is an angel of healing i drew for everyone needing that extra hope... God bless you all and i wish you a speedy recovery...
you're not being annoying whatsover *also;.. tells the voices to shutup and go away*
I'm glad you're taking lots with you to be occupied with.
You don't have nanomachines in your blood, please don't make yourself belled like that, you don't have to, honestly.
Are you scared the food their will be unsafe?
Is it possible you could get your parents to bring food and drink in instead?
I hope thay will give you a PRN, it definitely sounds like you need it. I also hope the new medication will take effect fast and help your symptoms as quickly as possible.
I'm thinking of you.
xxxxx
NOTE TO EVERYONE WHO POSTED: you keep me going, you really do.
I am scared that the food there is unsafe. I will get leave right from the first day so I can go home and eat lunch. I will ask for a PRN.
Thanks xxxxxxxx
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
i can tottally empathise with you atm... Its shit and nobody realizes how utterly institutionalized you can get in a hospital... and how bored and self indulgent it make you feel...
i found that i got so much worse when being in a hospital... although i was in there for a long time and gradually things did get better.
i am sorry that this is happening and i really do hope that people start to understand your real needs and listen to you instead of treating you as a mental health patient (does that make sence).
I really do wish that nurses and doctors realized that we all need different treatment as we are all unique whereas when you are put in a hospital it makes you feel very degraded!! You need the right help.. and hopefully people will realize that hospital admissions are the easy way to try and treat things... when actually there is so much more to be done.
You will get there!!!
Please feel free to pm me whenever you wish... and let us no how you are getting on.
i will be thinking of you,
Please take care and try to keep safe... i know you can do it... i have seen by your posts that you are a strong person!!!
Good luck and best wishes!
Jen x
Hospitals are bloody boring. I am just glad that I will get leave from the first day so I can go home or go for a walk in the park or something. Although I don't go out much as the paranoia is taking me over.
Being in adult wards for too long is unhelpful for me. 5-6 weeks is my usual staying period. I've been in an adolescent ward for 4 months before, but that wasn't too bad as they have more activities in adolescent wards.
They always unwittingly treat me as just another mental patient...give her pills. Inject her if she kicks off.
Thanks Jen, I will try my best to keep going. I'm just so scared. The Men in Suits are standing outside with guns pointed at my window. If they shoot, they'll shoot my parents first...*scream*
How are you Jen?
I have to stay up until 6am again. My eyes are bloodshot and hurting so I don't know how I'll manage.
Thanks,
Oly xxxxxxxxx
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I thought that would be how you felt about the food their. And even though I will say that the food their WILL BE SAFE. I know you'll find that hard to believe not because I said it but because of how you feel. Will you make sure to take drinks with you? Don't want you becoming dehydrated.
I meant to write 'bleed' not 'belled'. Silly typing mistake sorry.
Don't run away. Please.... DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
You know they are voices, they are a symptom, they are not real people and don't operate within reality. You know that, you don't have to abide them. You are you and you must do only what YOU want to do.
I hope you feel able to distance yourself from them and not let them control you.
I think you need to tell the doctors and nurses everything, print off what you wrote to show them.
Maybe this is a bit controversial, but if you tell the nurses you need to let blood to check for nanomachines, would they allow you to do it if they supervised and treated the wound afterwards? Maybe this would be a compromise.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
glad you will still have internet, there is always someone around so dont forget to post and keep us informed of how you are getting on.
take care sweetie xx
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!!
Easy Does It, I hear you and thank you. I'm just very scared. The Voices, Mindreaders and Men in Suits must be real... How can they not be real? I'm delirious. My eye is really red and sore. I want the Voices, Mindreaders and Men in Suits all just to be a dream... And I'll wake up tomorrow and it will all be gone... I really don't know any more. I promise to bring food and drink with me that I will guard all the time when I go there. Only one whole day to go! I'm nearly there... I wish my psych could be as great as you. I just had an argument with my Mum because I wouldn't confide in her. My Dad never argues with me and he's lovely, but I can't talk to my Mum any more because she just gets angry. She's trying to help but she cannot manage the truth. I hope you're ok. Xxxx.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!! 
Here is an angel of healing i drew for everyone needing that extra hope... God bless you all and i wish you a speedy recovery...
