I was thinking about things last night, about my self harm and thoughts mainly, and it occured to me that my self harm urges have turned into compulsions (defined as a behaviour someone does compulsively- because they feel they "have to"). I get an urge to self harm, I can't get it out of my head and the act of doing it feels almost involuntary, I feel I have no choice in doing it, that something inside me makes me do it and wont let me rest until I have.
Then I thought more about my thoughts, recently I have been obsessing over hospital and about various mental health things.
Then I panicked and thought what if I have obsessive compulsive disorder? It is obviously not the "usual" as I do not count or check things, or wash my hands or think about germs.
I am not sure though as the compulsions don't seem to serve the obsessions. I obsess over hospital but it doesn't lead me to self harm. Other things lead me to self harm. Unless the urge (impulse?) to self harm is the obsession, and the act of self harm is a compulsion?
I wiki'd OCD (I wiki everything nowadays) to try to understand more about it and to see if it fit.
These are the diagnostic criteria:
Obsessions- Recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced as intrusive and that cause marked anxiety or distress.
- The thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems.
- The person attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, impulses, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action.
- The person recognizes that the obsessional thoughts, impulses, or images are a product of his or her own mind, and are not based in reality.
Compulsions- Repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession, or according to rules that must be applied rigidly.
- The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing distress or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts are not actually connected to the issue, or they are excessive.
In addition to these criteria, at some point during the course of the disorder, the individual must realize that his/her obsessions or compulsions are unreasonable or excessive. Moreover, the obsessions or compulsions must be time-consuming (taking up more than one hour per day), cause distress, or cause impairment in social, occupational, or school functioning.
[2] OCD often causes feelings similar to those of
depression.
Right, so if I'm talking about the
hospital and mental health obsessions, then all of the obsession criteria fits. The compulsions I am not sure about, because at the moment the self harming feels like a compulsion, but I do not do it to get rid of the obsessions. But, point number two states that the compulsions aren't related to the obsession.
Confused? I am.
If am talking about the self harm urges as the obsession part, and the act of self harm a compulsion, then the "obsession" (thoughts/urge to SH) is more like intrusive thoughts.
Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome, involuntary thoughts, images or unpleasant ideas that may become
obsessions, are upsetting or distressing, and can be difficult to be free of and manage.
[8] Intrusive thoughts, urges, and images are of inappropriate things at inappropriate times, usually falling into three categories: inappropriate
aggressive thoughts, inappropriate
sexual thoughts, or
blasphemous religious thoughts.
[9] Most people experience these thoughts; when they are associated with OCD or
depression, they may become paralyzing,
anxiety-provoking, and persistent. Many people experience the type of unpleasant or unwanted thoughts that people with more troubling intrusive thoughts have, but most people are able to dismiss these thoughts.
[8] When intrusive thoughts co-occur with OCD, patients are less able to ignore the unpleasant thoughts and may pay undue attention to them, causing the thoughts to become more frequent and distressing.
[8]
I just wanted to know what people thought, really. I am going to mention this to my CMHT also.
