I don't know what to do. They're all lying to me. Telling me she's dead. But she's not. She's just been hiding for the last 4 months. She's alive really. Just hiding. She can't be dead. She can't be. I need to find her. Look for her but I don't know where to start. I want her to stop hiding and come back. I need her back. I miss her. I look at photos and see her there smiling. She has to be here because she's there. She can't be gone. I need her to come back. Help me I don't know what to do.
Last edited by pixiedust : 08-11-2008 at 03:13 AM.
Reason: added label
Sometimes the way in life seems cloudy...But remember, after the storm comes clear skies
I think you really have to talk about this to someone to help you in the greiving process. You could also do something nice to rember her by and hopefully that would start to allow you to move on.
Im sorry i dont have much advice, but i hope you are ok
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
I have a one off counselling session in a couple of weeks. I don't think I need to go now though because I can't be grieving as she's not dead. I just need someone to help find her for me. I need to work out how to find her because I know she's there somewhere. She has to be.
When I believed everyone else I'd started making a scrapbook to remember her by but I don't need to remember now because she's coming back. She's going to come back I know she is. She has to.
Sometimes the way in life seems cloudy...But remember, after the storm comes clear skies
Hoping is good. Keep up the hope. You need to tell your counsellor that you've hit an all-time low. Sorry I'm not helpful. Hugs. X
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I'm stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. I posted this on another forum as well and they keep telling me to kill myself and go and die and that they hate me. It's been deleted by the moderators now but they kept going on and on. Maybe they're right. Maybe I should die. Maybe I'm just a stupid idiot for fighting this long. Maybe I should just take all the pills in my room. I don't know whether they'd do the job though. I can't do this. Everyone hates me but not half as much as I hate myself. Kill me.
Sometimes the way in life seems cloudy...But remember, after the storm comes clear skies
You arent stupid and i certainly really hope you dont hurt/kill yourself.
im sorry your hurting and going through such a hard time and also that you didnt get much support where else you posted and that people were mean to you.
What those people said was very wrong and thats why its been deleted.
You sound very confused about how your feeling/what is happening right now and that makes me feel that actually perhaps counselling could help you - even if only to get things out and so you can have a clearer picture of where your at and where to go from here.
But i accept that you have to be ready to do that and you may not feel ready yet which is ok too.
What do you think?
How are you doing now?
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
I've calmed down a little bit. I phoned the samaritans again (2nd time tonight) and I feel safer now and I'm not going to do anything. I'm still really upset but at least I'm safe. I'm completely exhausted though so I'm going to sleep.
I have a one-off counselling appointment booked for 2 weeks time and tonight I emailed my doctor to ask whether I can see her next week. I don't like asking for help but I didn't know what else to do.
Sorry for being pathetic tonight.
Sometimes the way in life seems cloudy...But remember, after the storm comes clear skies
i hope you get some sleep and well done for emailling your doctor and speaking with the Samaratians.im glad they helped you.i hope the counselling goes well too.And your NOT being pathetic.
Last edited by Sleepless123 : 08-11-2008 at 04:08 AM.
Reason: Missed out a word!
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
I am disgusted by what the people on the other forum said. Which forum is this?
You're NOT pathetic.
Well done for getting some help. I hope that it all works out for you.
I really care about you.
Remember to tell your counsellor and doctor everything because they're there to help and they should help.
Best wishes,
Steel Maiden xx
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
You are not being pathetic. You are having a very hard time right now accepting what has happened to Stephanie which is totally understandable. Im really proud that you managed to email your doctor and I hope that they provide you with the support you need.
I've felt a bit better today - I think I've run out of emotion after the amount I cried last night. I still really want to find my friend because she must be really lonely if she's hiding alone. I've got to put that on hold for a little bit now though as I'm really behind on my assignment. It's in for Tuesday and I'm not even half way through. I'm really struggling with it. I've emailed my academic mentor though and hopefully she can come up with some suggestions on how I can organise myself to do it tomorrow.
My doctor emailed me back today and said she'll phone or email me on Monday with an appointment for next week.
I'm not sure what to do at the moment because I feel like I need to go to bed now to stop myself from getting into a bad space again but then on the other hand I have so much work to do. I'm really scared I'm not going to get it done in time but I have to try. At least when it's finished I can go back to looking for my friend. I don't really know where to start on that though.
Sometimes the way in life seems cloudy...But remember, after the storm comes clear skies
I don't know what to do again. I've been thinking. I know where to start looking for my friend. She was last in hospital in Cambridge so I need to go there to ask whether they know where she's hiding. She must be in Cambridge somewhere. I'm confused and my head's bad because everyone keeps saying she's dead but she's not. She can't be. I know I was brainwashed into thinking that for a while but now I know she isn't and I need to find her. It hurts my head because I don't understand. I don't understand why her family believe she's dead? They say they were there when she 'died' but they must be wrong. They must be imagining it. She can't be dead. She has to just be hiding. My mind won't shut down. I've been lying in bed for ages trying to get to sleep but I can't stop thinking about it. I need someone to believe me and help me. Why do they all say she's dead? I don't understand.
Sometimes the way in life seems cloudy...But remember, after the storm comes clear skies
*hugs* if you're going to search for your friend you must be very methodical about it. Don't go running about Cambridge at night though, please.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I feel very anxious and scared today. Don't even know why. My head's a muddle. I haven't even got out of bed yet because I'm too scared. Pathetic. I feel guilty for posting because I feel like I shouldn't so I'm very sorry. I want to hide away.
Sometimes the way in life seems cloudy...But remember, after the storm comes clear skies
Pixiedust, have you thought of seeing a grief counselor? It sounds like you are in denial over the loss of your friend. I know it is difficult to accept a loved one has passed on. Please take care.
Yeah grief counsellor might help...sorry for suggesting you should search for her....please txt me if you have problems *switches phone on*
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I don't want to think about seeing a grief counsellor because that means she's dead but I think part of me knows your right. Today most of me knows that all this is real but I'm clinging desperately to the denying part because that's the easiest. I want it to all not be real. If I believe it's not then it'll all be ok won't it?
I had a very bad day last night and ended up doing something a bit silly. I'm a little bit better today but still feel bad. I'm seeing my doctor in a little while though but I'm very nervous and don't want to go. I don't even know what to say. I feel very pathetic low and silly.
Sometimes the way in life seems cloudy...But remember, after the storm comes clear skies
