Triggering (SI/Suicide) - I am losing my family and if that happens life isn't worth it
I finally have a family that loves and accepts me. I finally feel like I belong.
I am so stupid to think that I deserved a family that loves me.
stupid stupid stupid
They are going to split up and I will in the middle or alone. Everyone that I get attached to leaves. I don't think I will be able to survive if they split up. Life wont be worth it. I didn't deserve them to begin with anyways.
Maybe this is all my fault. Maybe I put too much pressure on them. If I wasn't so broken the load on them would be lighter and she wouldn't have done what she did.
I cannot do this much more. I just want to tear myself apart. I don't even care at this point if I have to get stitches.
Whatever happens it is not your fault! No one can make anyone do anything they don't want to do. They did what they did because they love you, that is what family does. When someone needs you, you are there to help. It's the basis of how famillies work! If one member needs more help than others, well that's just how it is. They wouldn't have put themselves out there if they didn't care.
What is it that 'she' did? Remember you cannot control someone else's actions, so even if it is about you, it is not your fault!!
You are not stupid, don't say that. You needed someone and they were there. It's human nature to want to be included, that's why solitary confinement is so hard on people. We just aren't wired that way.
Please don't do something that you will regret.
PM me if you ever need to, okay?
It's the children the world almost breaks that grow up to save it.
-Frank Warren
She has a gambling addiction. She lied to her spouse, didnt answer her phone, set up her own bank account so no one would find out. Now there is no trust between them and it really really doesnt look good at all.
Maybe if i didnt put so much stress on them things would be different.
there is no way you could have caused her to have a gambling problem!! Everything she did, she chose to do. It's the same as no one can blame themselves for you hurting yourself. It's a choice that you make and even if they are apart of the reason behind, it's a personal choice.
It was her actions that caused this to happen, not you.
Please don't blame yourself! It isn't your fault
It's the children the world almost breaks that grow up to save it.
-Frank Warren
I wish I could fix things for them. I wish I could take away all the hurt and pain, from this and everything else that has happened in their lives. I would do anything for them.
Of course you wish you could take it all away and you would do anything for them. That shows what a great heart you have!
You do deserve love and their issues and whatever happens isn't your fault! You are NOT stupid! Please don't say that.
I wish I could make the pain in my family go away, too. I wish that my grandfather wouldn't have tried to drink himself to death, that my parents and grandparents wouldn't fight about me.... but none of that is my fault. They are issues I can't control.
The things that are going on now with your family are their issues- and not anything to do with you, let alone your fault. It has nothing to do with you or whether or not you are deserving of love.
I can tell you are feeling so much pain about this issue- so much distress... but that to me shows even more what a good person you are. You are showing even more how much love you have to give and you deserve just as much in return.
You may have hurts, issues, and struggles, (we all do) but that doesn't mean you don't deserve support, love, or a family. Please don't beat yourself up, try to be safe, support your family, and remember that hurting yourself is not going to help them or you.
*Big Hugs*
I am here for you if you need me... PM me anytime...
thank you for all the kind words, they mean a lot to me.
These two people, who i am in no way technically related to, mean absolutely everything to me. They are the family i never really had. they are my home. i wouldnt even still be alive without them.
i've had a feeling for a bit, a few months, that things between them were not as usual. it has put me on edge. before i met them, people came into my life and left. i didnt have any one person who i felt completely safe with, who i could count on to stick around for any length of time. now i finally have it and it may go up in smoke like everything else in my life.
I just dont think i can handle it if they broke up.
Please don't say that.
They are issues I can't control.
