Okay. So, I'm not actually in recovery, not yet. After my failed recovery attempt last year, when I slipped up, I haven't really looked back. I do intend to try and recover again, when things are easier to deal with, and that just isn't right now.
Yet, in spite of this, whenever I feel triggered, I try and ignore it. I don't give in straight away, and I almost automatically try and distract myself. I don't know why, I just do.
But today...
Today was full of fail. I've been pretty badly triggered these past few days, partly due to issues I don't wish to go into, and I got triggered again today. Silly, trivial **** pushed me over the edge, and I gave in. I SI'd again. In spite of the fact I'm not trying to recover, I just feel like a failure
I may be telling you something you truly know in your heart but just neeed to hear...
You may feel like a failure but you are NOT a failure! You are dealing with a lot of issues, you were triggered, stress level is high, and you are hurting. That is a lot and I am probably not covering it all.
You "slipping" if you want to call it that, is not a failure. It is a show of the pain and the other intense emotions you feel, plus the situation you are in.
Hun, please try to go easy on yourself. Take care of you, be kind to yourself. Think of how you would treat one of us if we were in your situation... I know you would offer compassion. You deserve that same support and compassion.
