feel so low

[Stellata]

I'm stable. But low. Vulnerable. But low.

My flatmates are ill with bad colds.

I've got my work mental health reasonable adjustment etc review meeting tomorrow afternoon. At head office. I'm anxious about that.

Plus I'm working with some core issues in therapy [aren't we always, but yes...] and so I feel sensitive and such.

I'm wary of posting some things on RYL now, after what happened in the abortion thread. Although I'm doing a bit better on that front now. Feeling that hardly anyone is on your side is a pretty alienated and lonely place to be - and one I know well... too well.

I feel sort of dissociated too. Foggy.

Anyone out there?

[Misunderstood.]

(sends a hug)
I'm here.
Am glad you're feeling better in regard to being able to post.
And good luck with the meeting tomorrow, seems like you have a lot to deal with atm but I think you're doing really well.
I hope your mood lifts soon. xx

[Stellata]

Thank you Catherine. Your response means a lot.

Therapy just now has untangled the lowness, the bleak grey.. distance within me. Now I feel emotional, tearful.

My therapist says how the meeting is a good thing, the 'exposure', being open with people, is important - because it's totally opposite to my past.
I need to shift focus from the shame though...

[Misunderstood.]

I can understand how you feel ashamed of being open about things. It would be better to look at it as a way of making things more manageable for you whilst at work [I'm assuming this is the sort of meeting it will be?]. Better but difficult to shift opinion on.
Now that the lowness etc. is untangled, does it mean it will be easier to work on? Not easy by any means but perhaps simpler than when it was all tangled together?

[BoundNoMore]

((((Katie))))

[Horizon]

Katie,

I think it's really great that you are working through important things in therapy, and continue to do so even though they leave you feeling vulnerable.

Please continue to post on the boards, you are such a valuable member on this site, and it truly makes my day to see that you are around.

Take care!

[Stellata]

Thank you.. *blushes*

It's the dissociation and other defence mechanisms that tangle things up. So, yes, now it's untangled [it's a continuous process of untangling, as Katrina tangles things up over and over..] it is clearer, I feel less trapped.

Yes, the meeting tomorrow is a work meeting, with the disabilities coordinator and a senior manager. To be honest in many ways I'm more worried about travelling back to work afterwards - around the time schools finish for the day.. But maybe that's a defence agaisnt the vulnerability of talking about my 'disability' and how it effects me in relation with people at work.

Because the whole thing for me is around mis-connetion, disconnection and connection in relationships.
Even just typing that simple sentence brings on some dissociative fuzziness.

[phoenixflames_forever]

*cuddles you* i really hope this therapy works for you, just wanted to let you know i was thinking of you xxxxxxxxx

[Stellata]

Thank you.