Ok i know i've not been around for a while and for that i'm sorry.
the past couple of weeks have been hell i have had a lot on my plate with work and my OU but i don't know where to turn. Lizzie knows i've been low but i haven't been able to tell her how low i really am. I have reached a low i didn't think i would get to again and i don't know where to turn, my head is all over the place and all i can think about is turning to a blade and ways to end it all. It has all been triggered by the anniversary of my grandads death it was 7 years ago i should be over it, but he was the greatest man in my life the only family member who would listen and treat me like an adult he was everything to me and he died and ever since that day things seemed to take a downward sprial he was the man who kept me going. The only person at that time who gave me reason to fight for my life. I know i have lizzie now and she gives me reason to fight on but i feel i'm loosing the fight i don;t know where to turn anymore, i don't want to burden her while shes ill. I need help i can't get rid of my urges.
i am so sorry about your grandfather losing someone who you deeply love and care for is extremally painful. Theres no time frame of when you will get over it maybe you will never completly get over it but there will be a day when it doesn't hurt so much. Maybe right now you need to concentrate not on getting rid of the urges but getting through an hour then the next hour and so on, which i know is easier said then done. Do you have any support from professionals? While i know its not the same as talking to someone who knows you i am here if you wold like to talk just message me and i will reply as soon as i can.
I do have support from professionals i just haven't had any chance of getting to them for a while and i can't seethat changing at the minute. I can normally let this time of year slide by without ending up like this as i'm good at hiding everything away but this year just seems to be i can't control them which to me letting it all out has never helped because of my up bringing and stuff should be locked away, and not let out.
Honey I know where you're coming from. My grandfather died 11 years ago but I still crash and burn. Butit's gotten less crashing and burning and more remember the fun times over the past few years. *cuddles you tightly* Maybe write a letter to him and tell him you miss him! Or make a memory tree of the good times.
To do a memory tree you write the name of you and the person you want to remember in the middle of a big piece of paper and all around it you draw lines out to photos of significant events or fun times you've had or you can just write the memories down. *cuddles you tightly* love you sweetheart.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
*squishes*
im so sorry.
i know what that feels like.
i wish i knew how to help.
but i think we just have to experience it and "get through it".
much much love.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
ill or not im here for you everyday and every second no matter what im doing your the most important thing in my life, i know you miss him and far away from his resting place maybe we can find a place here where you can go and feel close to him and talk to him etc...........
we knew what each other was going through and still going through please keep talking to me or your friends it helps
hugs midnight xxxx
There is no chance, no destiny no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
