I'm so sorry to post but I'm desperate *psychosis*

Hi, I'm really sorry I know I'm meant to have left, but I'm desperate.
Today I went to a&e to be assessed by the on call psychiatrist I was that desperate. They're saying I'm having another psychotic episode. I've been given extra medication and the home treatment team, but nothing is working. I won't go into hospital. But I don't know what to do. I don't actually think I'm psychotic - what I am hearing and seeing is real, and I know I'm not psychotic because I'm able to consider whether I am or not. And like, you don't just hear voices for no reason. But I will do anything to stop them, and stop the conspiracy against me. I'm posting here because well, I know you all in this forum the best, I know it's not technically a mental health issue, except that people are mistaking this for psychsois, but I'm so desperate, I'm jsut so desperat.e Please help me.

[ThinkingofRecovery]

The staff at the hospital will have taken their time to assess you and if they say you are suffering a psychotic episode then you probably are. However, I understand what you mean re not being psychotic because are able to consider whether or not you are. I hear and see things but because i know that they can't actually be real despite them seeming that way, I am considered not to be psychotic. Did you manage to explain that although they are disturbing, you can differentiate between them and reality?

I used to have pseudo-hallucinations, but now I'mconsidered to be full blown psychotic episodes for some reason. What I'm trying to say, is I have considered are these voices psychosis, and I have thought very hard about it, and I know they are not psychotic, because I know they are real. However it is affecting my mental health because knowing there is a conspiracy out to get me is making me very anxious and paranoid and scared.
Sorry I don't know if I make sense, but I really appreciate your replies.

[sherlock holmes]

I don't really know what to say. I know it's scary for you, and I think you are doing really well trying to cope with this. I don't think there is a conspiracy against you, but I'm not qualified to say whether I think it's psychosis or not.

[ThinkingofRecovery]

Hun, if they say it is psychosis and not pseudo-hallucinations (that's apparently what my voices and things I see are and that is because I know that although they seem and feel real, I know deep down that they can't actually be real), they are qualified and probably know best. Can you just try and go with the flow with the treatment and see if things pick up because at the end of the day, whether it is psychosis or something else, you do want it to go away and the only way you can do that is by co-operating with the drs etc.
*hugs*

[Sunshine]

i love youuu
im here for you!
xx

Thank you so much for your support. I am so tired and fed up of everything. I am hopefully seeing the HTT consultant tomorrow and maybe going into hospital, we'll see what happens.

[Ratatouille strychnine]

*hugs you*

I'm really sorry things are so tricky right now. Will you feel any safer in hospital? The doctors are there to help you. I know it's scary but you'll be safe and things can work out.

I don't really know what advise to offer but I'm here if you want to talk.

*hugs you*

Thank you so much for the hugs and support. The HTT are coming around and we are going to talk about hospital as I can't cope.

[sherlock holmes]

Thinking of you hun.

[ThinkingofRecovery]

How are things going tonight, hun?

[dubagirl]

Just to let you know that I'm thinking of you and wish you all the best. I hope that, whatever you and the doctors decide to do, it will give you all the help and support you deserve to get. I'm sorry that things are really difficult for you at the moment- just keep in mind that it's not always this hard, and you can get through it because it won't last forever.
Best wishes,
xxxx

Thanks so much for the support, I am not going IP. Although I have harmed badly - update:

The consultant of the htt saw me, he said I showed strong traits of schizophrenia, and if Ihad thatit would getworse. I also (hesaid ) showstrong traits of bpd, which would get better as I got older. I told him I felt unsafe, and that I was going to do something, he said he didn't think I would kill myself, but he knew I would probably harm my self badly, but I did that a lot and there was nothing he could do.
I was later told by the oncall psychiatrist in a&e that hehad made a plan for me to have intense treatment from the htt visiting me everyday maybe more than once, but he didn't tell me this, he just said they woulddrop me some medication and maybe phone me.
So, A&E. Yeah

I cut deeply, I am now stitched up and in a sling. They said I must have popped a blood vessel in my muscle because it was swelling up, hence the sling.

I know it was wrong and bad and horrible of me, I heard schizophrenia and panicked. I was also hearing the voices so badly, the spies wer everywhere it was awful. I'm really sorry I know I'm a ****ing horrible person.

[sherlock holmes]

You're not a horrible person.

*more hugs*

[Steel Maiden]

You're not a horrible person, I think you are a wonderful person who's helped me in hard times.
I remember you in Aq ward and how hard things were for you then and I can't imagine how hard things must be for you now...
But I have faith in you...you will get better, and I know that hearing voices doesn't always mean schizophrenia. But even if you have schizophrenia, don't panic...its not a death sentence, take that from me.
My best wishes to you.
xxxx *hugs*

[Sunshine]

you are not horrible please try not to think that! i think it is wrong they are not telling you what is really going on! you are an adult now and should be treated like one! not like a some doctors who shall not be named who just treat everyone like moody teenagers!!

I'm glad they didnt send you to hospital, it is so good that you are managing this in the comunity i am so proud of you!

*HUGE HUGS*

xxxx

[Steel Maiden]

*hugs* how are you today?