two sides

[-Stewie-]

i have two very distinct sides to me- like two personas in my head

the first is an optimist- the simplest things make me smile: the sun on my face, the autumn leaves, the wind in my hair, i wake up in the morning and look out the window and cant wait to get out there, i feel confident around people and like i actually have something to offer them and to offer life in general

the other side is an ********; i know how to manipulate things so they go the way i want them, im selfish, i manage to twist every little thing so its against me, i wonder what the point of being alive is, i live in the past and cant see a future while im still stuck there

and there in constant battle with each other

is this normal? is this just like the real me and the me who has been hurt and downtrodden too many times? or do i need to see a doctor or something?

[SecretMe]

Constant battling inside yourself is confusing, frustrating, exhausting, and makes some people wonder if they are crazy.

I think you answered your own question really well. It is probably true that both of these sides of your are a part of who you are, but maybe you keep them seperate as a way to deal with things? i don't know. You would have a btter idea than anyone.

As for it being normal or not? Hey what's normal? LOL No such thing as far as I am concerned, but I do know what you are asking.

The research I have done on this subject myself, and what I have learned in college working toward my degree, that this is not that uncommon. The reasons it happens can vary though and of course each person is unique.

You wanted to know if you should see a doctor, therapist, or something like that? I would say that it can't hurt. If you can find someone (like a counselor/therapist) that you like and feel you can build trust with them, they may be able to help you resolve some of what you are struggling with.

If these inner struggles really bother you and effect your life, you might want help with them. Not because you are crazy or "not normal" but just because we all need help sometimes with things we can't handle alone.

I hope this helps.

Take care of yourself!

[Stellata]

My therapist has explained to me how everyone has a shadow side. It's simply more or less apparant in some people, depending on life circumstances - e.g. the need to self protect, defend against abuse, and so forth.
Therapy can help you bring the opposites into more awareness and balance - including understanding how it got to be this way, and having compassion for that.
It's hard, I know.