Triggering (SI) - probably going cut

[starting_over]

I dont want to do this anymore, I have not cut in 16 months, but I am ready to lose it. I tried to get a tool at teh convience store, but found none so I am going to see if they have some here at school. I am so angry and nothing is relieving this. My counselor called said she hopes I dont cut, but you know f*ck that, I am going to what do I care who gets angry I am the one in pain not them. Not sure why I am posting guess I am just stupid.

[-Chelsey-]

Heya. How are you feeling today?
Really well done for 16 months, Could you try to talk to her about the pain?

[scream_for_love]

i understand completely how u feel about cutting.

i havent done it in about 15 months until 2days ago.

it doesnt matter how many times people say stay strong...if u need that release...u need it.

just stay safe and take care.

i do agree that u could try talking to your counselor about how much pain you're in.


if u wanna chat anytime just pm me. i may have some tips about dealing with your pain other than cutting :).

*hugs*

xxxx

[Stellata]

What're you angry about? Venting it here a bit might help take the pressure off a bit.

[starting_over]

I still feel quite crappy. Thanks to those who responded. My biggest anger is how alone I feel and am. Even here I really dont exist all that much as you can see from the post. I have alot anger for the things that have happened, but my biggest thing is the hurt I feel at those that are supposed to care and dont seem to, namely my councelor. I have had her for over 12 years and would not see anyone else, because I would not want to start all over again with some one new. one good thing about her is that I have had her so long that she doesnt over react when I start ranting, because she knows alot of the time I just need to vent and will be much better if I can just freely explode, but right now I am hurt by her. I feel like because I have not cut in so long she thinks that when I am in crisis it is o.k. to put me on hold and help someone else who is " more of a danger". This comes from having my appointment cancelled and putting an "emergency" patient in my place. when I told her that I was not doing well and was close to cutting "REALLY CLOSE" at the time she just said "I hope you don't cut" and then suggested meds. when I said no to the meds because they were not going to change anything she said knew and that I needed to talk. Well duh!! but she cancelled me and replaced it with her emergency who by the way was in the hospital safe and I was out here not.