Triggering (SI/Suicide) - A No Good, Very Bad Day

[emotionxsickness]

Today has been a bad day from the start. I woke up to multiple anxiety attacks. I took my meds, it didnt help. I ended up cutting deeper then I ever have before. it bled for a really long time, even though I was putting pressure on it. I probably should have gone and got stitches.


then I went to my psychiatrist. Who cant see me because he no longer takes my health insurance.

So I planned on atleast seeing my therapist, but same story. she doesnt accept my insurance. Now im sitting here crying my eyes out and scared to death of facing life. I wish I was anyone else in the world but me right now. I dont want to live right now. I have enough pills but im too scared that I will fail. and end up with medical bills I cant afford to pay.

and I dont want to hurt my mom and dad. Im just really scared of living. im scared to go to work because I think im about to get fired. my boss is harder on me then the other employees and hes always yelling at me for stupid little things and making me feel like shit. I just want to punch him in the face. I need this job though. I cant afford to quit though I would be much happier if I did.

Im growing up and it scares me. Im an adult now and I just want to go back to being a child or just not be at all. ive had days like this alot recently. and i have no way to get help.

[GrimmFaerieTale]

I'm so sorry this has happened. I'm afraid my brain isn't really in good advice mode and I don't really understand the American health insurance system so I'm not a good person to talk about that but is changing your policy an option? Why has it suddenly happened they can't take it? *hugs* Sorry for the lack of advice, I just wanted to let you know I'd read xxx

[emotionxsickness]

thanks for responding. no I cant change my policy, i have state medicaid. I was just put on straight medicaid after being on a different form of medicaid. None of my doctors take straight medicaid. I really liked my doctors, they have been the only ones that could help me.. I hate the american health care system. I want to move to canada but I dont have enough money saved up to live on.