Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - not approtite for most people who have been sexually abused

[Anna]

i have a baby girl and at the child protection confrence they told me that my boyfriend has been convicted of sexually abuse.it was 19 years ago before i was born (hes 40)
i no what people say leave him hes a monster,how could he do that.but i love him with all of my heart and i know he hasnt done it again recently.
its hard to sleep with him now and i o want to talk about it with him but he finds it to painfull and i dont wanna upset him.

he would be aloud to see my daughter if he did the assesments with social but he finds it hard.scared of what they think of him.

how do i help him deal with his past and because of my past of actually being abused how do i really help myself to get my head around it.

i know it hard for most of you to understand but i love him and trust him he would never hurt my daughter and hes got another an he has never done anything to her.

anyone no of any resources that can help me?

[whirlpools]

i'm not sure of any resources, hopefully someone will know. i guess every part of me is screaming not to let him in contact with your daughter. but that's my issue. i think if he wants to be with you and your daughter he needs to try and move on from how painful it is for him, and think about your daughter, and whoever it was he abused. that might sound harsh, but unless he massively reduces the risk by talking to someone about what happened and being assessed, i could never trust him. i know it must be painful for him, but it's certainly best for your child (who should come first), and it will also be best for you, and for him too. xxx

[Queen Crabbit]

Make sure that your daughter knows that in no uncertain terms she is to tell you if anything happens. I don't know how you'll go about it, but whatever you do do not put an innocent child at risk.

[Le Almighty Kitten]

Are you in the UK? Is your daughter in your custody? To be quite honest, the social services will - understandably - be edgy about this man being around/near your daughter. It's a sad situation to be in, but ultimately whatever you do has to be in the best interests of your daughter.

[Anna]

he says he will do the assesments now.dont no if he will.and he does love me.yes i am in the uk and my daughter is living with me.there is one resorce i know and its called healing wives.but that only gives you links.i dont want him but i love him soo much hes all that im living for.because of everything thats happened with social and stuff i dont feel connected with my daughter and i have long term histroy of being inpatient for self harm ect/
i struggle to get through the day and i feel trapped i dont wanna live but i need to be alive for my baby and i do love him.

[Yellow]

gosh...i dont want to sound harsh.
you said HE is all youre living for. what about your DAUGHTER??? try living for her. and most importantly, keep her SAFE, whatever you do.
hope everything works out for the best.
much love.
xxxxxxxxxx