Friend saw little sister killed- how to help? *serious*

Pomegranate · 23-10-2008, 04:12 AM

I was speaking to my friend tonight about drunk chatterings and analysing people and I brought up something he mentioned in a previous conversation about someone he knew dying but he wouldn't say who. Anyway I told him I would not say anything and was there if he wanted to talk.

He got upset and told me I couldn't understand because whatever has happened I can never understand what it feels like to watch your little sister fall into something which would eventually kill her and hear her scream but be able to do nothing. He was helping on their farm and he was watching his little sister and she fell inside some of the machinery and got trapped. She died and he stood there unable to do anything. He was 5.

His parents thought he was fetching something when it happened. They have no idea he saw and heard everything and he has never spoken about it since.

I have no idea how the hell to help him. I don't know whether to encourage him to talk about it, or not to mention it or whether even encouraging him to tell me has raked things up and made things worse. He seemed so different telling me. He seems one of the most composed 'normal' people I know. I want to help him but I really have no idea where to begin or whether I should even mention it again. I can't help but think it's not healthy burying all this away but he is functioning so maybe I am just disturbing things that don't need to be brought up?

Sorry for length and graphicness, I've tried to tone it down as much as possible. Any advice would be fantastic.

Thanks

Emma x

akita · 23-10-2008, 05:50 AM

Just be there for him and let him talk to you.

((deleted)) · 23-10-2008, 04:41 PM

Let him know that although, yeah you cannot fully comprehend the awfullness of that unless it happens to you, that you do understand about being in emotional pain. And just let him talk to you and be there for him.

Casper_Fading · 23-10-2008, 10:07 PM

I think he really needs to tell his parents. It's not something he should be hiding or burying becasue it's going to get worse if that's what he's doing. He needs a specific type of grief counselling that deals with extreme trauma. Talk to him as much as you can and try to convince him to talk to his parents. If it was me I would probably just tell his parents. *cuddles*