Triggering (Suicide) - think im going to kill myself

just want to die. whats the point in life? need to wait until next year to go to uni, where i wont fit in and will probs drop out anyway. this year im too ill to leave home to go travelling, so im working instead but everyone hates me and is better than me. and if i ever meet anyone, i wont trust them or if i do trust them, i wont love them, or it wont work. and i dont want kids because the world is so ****, my children will just end up in care, or in trouble or messed up cos of me. my world is pointless.

[Tig]

What you've just written reminds me of something I was warned about myself because I do it. It's basically about being a 'Fortune Teller' because what you described, and I don't mean this in a horrible way, but most of it was not fact.

Do you have evidence for why you won't fit in in university? You aren't there so you can't know. You might meet people that you feel really close to and have a lot in common with. The fact is, you just won't know until next September and what if you do fit in? Imagine how fantastic that would be! It is more than likely that you will fit in because there is such a mix of people there, you are bound to 'click' with somebody.

I am sorry to hear that you are too unwell to go travelling, that must be incredibly frustrating. Is it to do with your mental health? If it is, perhaps you could set yourself some small, manageable goals in relation to travelling. Although it is frustrating right now, remember that there is hope because when you are recovered, you will be able to go travelling. Yes, it's not now and that's horrible but there will be a chance for you in life to get away and go travelling. Maybe as a goal you could arrange a day out for you? Not neccesarily now but when you feel able too.
What makes you feel that everybody hates you and is better than you? I don't think you are any less of a person than anybody else. You sound like a very strong person - you come on RYL and support people despite having your own problems and despite being unwell you manage to go to work, that shows a lot of strength and determination.

I have had similar fears about relationships. I guess though, again niether of us can tell what a future relationship may be like. Yes, it's true that some relationships don't work out but one day, you may find somebody that you feel safe with and that you do love. There is hope, although you do have to be alive to find out. *Hugs*

Again, I have had very similar feelings in regards to having children and I know it feels horrible. However, I am sure you would be a great Mother and would love your children and provide the best care for them. You have got life experience so you will have a lot of knowledge on what childrens/peoples needs are.

I truly hope you are able to keep fighting because I believe there is so much for life to offer you. It sounds like things are desperately hard for you right now but if you commit suicide, you will never have the chance to see a better time and that would be such a waste. Is there anyone you can talk to about how hard things are for you right now? Remember, you aren't alone - if you need anything you can always post on RYL and we will try our best to support you.

I hope my post hasn't sound rude or offensive in anyway. I don't seem to be great at articulating my words!

x

[l'il esky]

aww bex, nooooooo..... i love you and ive only met you on the tinter'net so im sure people in the "real" life will love you too!!

dont put your life on hold cos of a silly illness thats evil plan is to try and corrupt your life....dont let it win. you can and will beat it baby cakes and as cliche as it sounds when you find the right person, it will all fit into place....dont worry.

huggles....you know where i am if you need me :) xxxxxxxxx

[Misunderstood.]

please please please don't give up now. I don't it all feels pointless now but things change, if nothing else is definite in life, the only thing that is, is that things WILL change. what you were writing about in your other thread aboutonly seeing your mum when you have dinner reminds me exactly of what my life was like before i left the house i lived with my dad and brother in, i didnt spend any time with them because they didnt like my behaviour a lot of which was caused by either depression / mania or other s*** going on in my head. i dont know if its like that for you but i think the best thing is to either move out when you can [is what i did] or the perhaps better option, to try and explain how things are to your mum.
you dont know that all these negative things you described will happen for sure and they most likely wont, its only determined by how you feel NOW. these things can be dealt with, howver hard and pointless it all seems it can be worked on and things can be done so that u feel better.
it will be worth it. you deserve to be happy. i can identify with the anger you described in your other thread too. i used to shout, f and blind and the lot at my dad through pure anger and frustration and thats not my nature either as im sure it isnt yours.
sorry to have rambled on but i felt i wanted to say all that because i've been in a similat situation and been depressed for months getting on for years because of it but things changed when i moved away from that set up.
(many hugs if you want them)

[roiben]

That is a long list of negtive thought and for-thought (fortune telling). The key here is to allow yourself to think what if? what if you go to University and for the firs time in your life you do fit in??

Not much of what you have written can be say for definate and none of it is set in stone. Life is in constant flux, do not give up on it before you get the chance to experience it and find out all the positives you may otherwise have missed.

Roiben x