I'm so scared of being well, I am a very dependant person and feel I survive because of the support I have, which is not enough. I am afraid that if I show any signs of being well than the people who support me will abandon me.
Anyone else feel this fear.
"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same too so we are not that different you and I.
You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end.
I understand that fear of getting better, maybe not for the same reasons though. I think its normal that you fear getting better because generally people fear change and getting better is a huge change!
Dont feel bad about it because its normal and the people that are supporting you are not only there because you are not well, they are their supporting you because they care and love you, they will be there still when you are better and you will probably have a closer relatioship with them in a way because it will be about wanting to have fun together and just be around each other, not about supporting you.
Hope you are ok, PM me anytim if you need to chat xx
MEUS ANGELUS
Suicidal Ideation is what keeps me alive...It's just knowing that there is a way out!!!
The people I am concerned about are my psychologist and my GP who see me regularly and with whome I have become totally dependant on and are vital for my continuation.
"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same too so we are not that different you and I.
You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end.
BEcoming well again will mean you will become less dependent on them which i think is vital if you are going to be ok. You need to realise that whilst they are there supporting you and helping you that ultimately its you that is making things better, it is you doing all the hard work and so you can survive without them, they just make things easier at the moment, the better you get the less dependent you will become on them. I think if you are dependent on them you cannot class yourself as completey better, no one can, you will lose thi dependence on them as you realise you can do it without them
xx
MEUS ANGELUS
Suicidal Ideation is what keeps me alive...It's just knowing that there is a way out!!!
I don't know if this will make sense, but if you were well/recovered you probably wouldn't feel dependant on them because it may be part of your illness?
However, I totally get where you are coming from and although I am not so much afraid, I get upset that I won't see certain people when I am well again.
It may help you to discuss these fears with your psychologist/GP as it can really help to share such feelings. Don't be ashamed of them, I think many people feel similar to what you described.
x
I have a love hate relationship with mental illness as I suffer from social anxiety along with BPD and Clinical Depression and mild Aspergers. and it has been these professionals that have kept me alive and I cannot see an end to my problems, which have been a part of my life for most of my life. I have the best GP I've ever had and the best Psychologist I've ever had, although not the best Psychiatrist and she is the first I've seen. I just wear therapists and doctors out before they finnish the job and I get abandoned again and I am petrified that it will happen again. I hate the feelings that go through me all the time but I love the contact with my GP and psychologist
"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same too so we are not that different you and I.
You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end.
I feel the same way. When I think of being well, all I can think of is the people that support me not being there anymore. But what I don't factor in, is that when I am well, I won't need the support anymore, so those people not being there wont be a bad thing. I wont be dependant on them.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
i feel EXACTLY the same and for the same reasons, and annoyingly my manager sussed this out ages ago...grrr.
however i think i will still have people to support me cos unfortunately mental illness can rear its ugly head whenever it pleases.
when i went to my cmht appt last wk i was pretty happy but she still said that i would be referred to the psych and will see her weekly cos altho we maybe feeling better on the outside, there are still things we need to deal with on the inside to make sure we limit the MH reoccurring again.
from what i remember you have a son (or2) who seem to adore you so will never be supportless.
xx
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!!
i feel EXACTLY the same and for the same reasons, and annoyingly my manager sussed this out ages ago...grrr.
however i think i will still have people to support me cos unfortunately mental illness can rear its ugly head whenever it pleases.
when i went to my cmht appt last wk i was pretty happy but she still said that i would be referred to the psych and will see her weekly cos altho we maybe feeling better on the outside, there are still things we need to deal with on the inside to make sure we limit the MH reoccurring again.
from what i remember you have a son (or2) who seem to adore you so will never be supportless.
xx
You are right I have twe sons and a couple of daughters too. I feel I fail them every time I injure or drink both of which happen too often. I have paranoid feelings and have to try and fight them. I also have Aspergers and fail them emotionally too. I try to be the best I can with the support I have.
"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same too so we are not that different you and I.
You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end.
I understand
I can't help really
but I understand
I'm terrified of losing the support that I get at the minute from the EIP
They help me and support me so much
but because they only help people having there first episode of mental illness I know they won't be around forever, and it scares me
xxxxxxxxx
"In the driest whitest stretch of pains infinate desert, I lost my sanity, and found this rose"
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!! 
