I'm just really not doing too well. Really want to cut....
I'm stressing out because I'm having trouble collecting rent checks and bill money from my roommates, who are all gone for the summer, managing the bills is too much of a stress for me, and I'm going to be trying to move as soon as possible but I really don't think I can keep managing bills much longer, it's just too much for me to handle mentally and emotionally with everything else going on right now. I honestly don't even know where I'm going to get the money to pay rent, because no one has been paying me for bills like they promised they would.
I have no idea what I'm doing with my future, it just feels so messed up right now. I feel so alone, I don't feel safe with myself, and my therapist is leaving soon and that's making me feel really alone and insecure too, I have to meet the new therapist on Tuesday, so I'm trying to hang in there, I'll work this weekend and that'll make me feel a bit better, and I'm just trying to make it to Tuesday, but that seems damn near impossible right now, this whole past week I've been tempted to OD.... I hate being alone and just wish I had someone I could call and talk to or something....
And, I was cleaning up the house, and one of my roommates who is gone for the summer, left out some scalpels and suture material. She works in an animal hospital too, so I'm sure there's a perfectly logical reason why she has that stuff at home (it just hasn't come to me yet) but it's just getting really tempting to use it. :(
Hi hun, im sorry you're finding things so hard at the moment. Money causes so much unneccessary stress. Could you not contact your roommates and get one of them to sort out everyones money issues? Your health is the most important thing, and if managing bills is making things worse you should definatly try get someone else to help. Is there anyone you can talk to? Anyone who can help you out with money and organising everything?
Im in the same place as you, my psych has just left and im waiting to meet my new one. Its scary I know, but maybe they will have a new way of thinking about things, they may approach your problems differently and see something your last therapist didnt. I know its difficult but just try to stay positive until you've met the new one.
Dont OD, you dont need that, it will make things worse, not better. You can beat this, you can get through to Tuesday. If you need someone to talk to you can contact The Supporters they are really wonderful and well worth talking to. You could also call The Samaritans, they are always there to talk to and they really are wonderful people.
The boards of RYL are also always open and there are always people around to talk to. Take care hun, you can beat this.
Aimee xx
Everyone else is pretty much gone for the summer, at least until August... once August comes though, I'm thinking that I'm going to see if someone else can help manage the bills... at least some of them, maybe divide them up or something even. Maybe by then it won't be so bad, if everyone is back home and it's easier to collect money from them and such and hopefully I'll have a better system worked out. I'm really irritated though that one of my roommates said she'd leave a check for me for bills to help out, and she didn't and I've emailed her about it and she's just ignoring my emails, she's sent out other emails to other people so I know she's checking and getting her emails and such.
At least hopefully by the weekend my roommate who is sharing my room will be moved in, and then I won't feel so alone... that will be nice. I don't like having the room to myself, I like other people around. It's nice to be by yourself occassionally I guess, but when I'm in that kind of mood I can always just go up ontop of the roof like normal anyway, having the whole house to myself is scary... that roommate woke me up today when she stopped by to drop a few things off and say hello, but she works at Starbucks and gets free stuff from there, so she brought me coffee and a pastry for breakfast. I haven't been eating well lately, and the pastry and coffee had an ungodly number of calories in them, but it was so nice to have someone just be thoughtful like that for once, I barely know this girl and she's still more thoughtful that most my good friends have ever been and we chatted for a bit and she actually got me to eat the food and the coffee and it wasn't so bad, and I'm thinking maybe if I could talk to her some more, maybe I could get her to go to the grocery store with me, she seems like she could be really nice, and maybe that could help....
I think I'm gonna try to go back to sleep tho, my mouth still hurts from the oral surgery and the pain has spread to my jaw and ear, I don't know if I have an ear infection from surfing, or if it's just radiated pain, but I'm a wuss when it comes to my ear hurting.
You definately need to be very firm with the people you're living with. Make it clear that they will be given the boot if they don't pay. I know it's stressful, but being tough will help you out in the end.
And sweetie, DEFINATELY don't use the things your 'mate brought home. Who knows what's on them? lol. Be careful. :)
I really hope you find a way to get everything together. Don't worry about your future too much. It sounds like you're around college age (correct me if I'm wrong) and no one that age has a concrete idea of how their futures are going to turn out. You'll get there!
The problem is most the people I'm living with aren't living here this summer (but they had still agreed to helping pay the bills, that was the arrangment cuz a lot of the bills are just constant, like tv/internet, and exist even if we don't use them... now, if only a couple of us are here and we run the a/c all the time, I'll take that into consideration and obviously then the people who were here and used the a/c would pay a bit more than the people who weren't here). I can't really just kick them out, I don't have enough power to do that, just the landlord does... and he's pretty flexible and wants to give people the benefit of the doubt... it's not so much the people not paying the rent that bothers me, as I can probably talk to the landlord and work something out with him, but the bills are what is really hurting me, since that stuff HAS to be paid, and it's all coming out of my pocket... hopefully the summer will pass quickly and I'll be able to get paid from everyone soon... otherwise I might just end up having something like the gas and electric turned off for a few days until people DO pay... that's about as much as I can do, but it is something worth thinking about I guess, I bet the other girls would be willing to write the checks they owe me pretty quickly if something like that happened... the only thing is, I still have to wait til August til most the other girls get back.
Awh. Sorry to hear about all the issues you are having to deal with, with roommates. I've lived with various roommates the last few years. When the rest of your roommates come back let them know that you are going to cancel the tv and take your name off of some of the other payments. That way you aren't stuck with it all. That's what I have always done.
For your future information this is what I have learned. Try if you can to sign seperate leases with the landlord. If you can't do that, you need to write out a contract saying how much each person is going to pay when and have everyone sign it. In this you should also have in writing how much of the utilities and other bills each person are going to pay (amount divided equally) and have people sign it. At my apartment we let everyone who wasnt living there for the summer not have to pay any of the utilities as they aren't using them. But then again it wasn't that costly because most of it is included in our rent.
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck and hope that you start to feel less lonely soon. *hugs* Let us know how you are doing.
