I've only been affected by SI for about 2 or 3 weeks (at least in the last 9 years). I've given blood for 2 years (Not because of the sharp thing, honest!). I have an appointment tomorrow, and I still want to go, but I'm worried about my cuts... In a short sleeved shirt, most of my cuts are still covered and the others should go unnoticed. The needle goes well below my cuts. Still, all it needs is a nurse to raise my sleeves for the blood pressure test, or worse, while on the chair prepping for the needle where people can see. I should be fine if I wear a long sleeved shirt and don't pull it high enough to show my scars, but still... I'll be walking a very thin line. My big fear though is next time. My arms will probably look worse... I only have so much self control... But I don't want to have to come up with excuses to stop going, and I don't want to deprive a needing person/people of my blood because of it....
I've never given blood before, but could you go with the other arm? The one with less or no scars?
Could you use giving blood as a reason to try to stop cutting? Or maybe cut back.
What is making you feel so bad that you need to cut?
It's the children the world almost breaks that grow up to save it.
-Frank Warren
For me it's not a matter of feeling bad... I mean, that's there too, but for reasons I won't get into because I don't entirely understand, I've had intense anxiety most of my life that I can't just turn off, much as I'd like to. Even something as simple as posting here, and coming back to look for responses or something like pursuing hobbies. It's caused me to keep a very large distance, like a wall between me and the rest of the world. I know cutting acts more like a drug than a solution, but for a short while the anxiety is reduced and the distance is shortened. I feel things closer than I could before. I would never have been able to come here a month ago and talk about this.
It's not a solution, but a temporary relief is the most I have ever been able to see and accept as possible... I am trying. Making small goals and dealing with the anxiety one step at a time. The cutting is a part of it... I know that while I'm doing it, I am only replacing one problem with another or simply creating 2 problems, both interfering with every aspect of my life, but the knowledge doesn't seem to help.
Anyway, above the short sleeve level, both arms look pretty bad. Neither can be explained.
It's such a small thing from my perspective, but it's about all the good I can do with no money. Probably nobody would notice if I stopped going, but I would have no explanation of why I suddenly stopped.
You know, the worst part is, I can stop cutting any time. I'm very good at pushing feelings away with the rest of the world. But that would mean I've given up fighting the problems causing the need to SI.
I think you actually aren't supposed to give blood if you have a recent wound... I'm not 100% sure on that, though.
Anyways, I've never given blood, as I'm not allowed to because I'm gay and not a virgin. But I do go through the same thing when I get blood tests. I always feel self conscious even though the scars on my left arm aren't as bad as the ones on my right arm.
I don't really have any advice on what you can do though...
heyy im a regular blood donor too :)
and they usually dont say anything about my scars. they kinda avoid it. like i know they do see it and all but rather not react to it....im guessing to avoid the conversation. it is uncomfortable though. i do wear long sleeves sometimes. like if some are kinda fresh..but i wear really thin sleeves so i dont have to roll up my sleeve sometimes when they take my blood pressure.
i understand you wanting to keep doing it.. i am myself. i know how the scar feeling is like..but the feeling of saving three lives each time feels good. :)
I'm a regular donor and brought up my self harm with one of the nurses.
They checked the regulations and saw no issue with me giving blood.
However, i've known people to be turned away.
Go for it, the worst they can do is say no.
Also, this is going to sound stupid and insensitive, but you've as you've only been self harming for a short while i'm going to go ahead and state the obvious.... seriously, man. Stop while you're still able to.
i been giving blood since i was 17/18 i'm 22now and where i am there aint really a prob. i gave blood when my self harm was really bad and most of my lower arm was coverd in cut's so i had a arm warmer on they pulled it down so they could put the needle in etc and showed over half my cut's they looked at them but then jus when bad to me giving blood with out saying anything bout them.
so hun dont worry bout it if they had i prob with self harmer's giving blood i wouldn't still be doing it but yet i'm due to give blood for the 10th time on the 22nd of oct and so looking forwards to it i love giving blood :) it leaves me with a good feeling inside me knowing i'm helping people, i'm also an organ donator which my family don't really like but they understand as it's my wish to do it :).
*Star*
ps - u can ask them to use the other arm most of my marks etc are on my left arm and they take the blood from your none writing arm so as i write wit my right arm they use to take it from my left but i started having prob's with my left arm the blood wouldn't come out or was going really slow so i asked them to try my right arm and it's fine.
so just ask if they can take the blood out of the other arm
Last edited by Little_pixie : 17-10-2008 at 09:23 AM.
So how can you tell me you're lonely,
And say for you that the sun don't shine?
Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London
I'll show you something to make you change your mind
I thought about giving blood, but I'd have to lie about transfusions I've had. But I have such a low blood count I'd be stopped at the first hurdle they check that first. I would want to donate my blood to loose another paint without having to cut to loose it and feel the effect of having a seriously low count.
"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same too so we are not that different you and I.
You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end.
Well, at least in the States, I know you're not allowed to give blood with an open wound (at least where I am - I've tried, trust me). Because of the risk of infections/diseases/etc. Maybe thought they just didn't like me or understand my SI...but hey, I tried.
Whenever I've given blood, I've not been given the choice of which arm to have it taken from (except the very first time I went, when they took it from my non-writing arm), since then it's always been alternated.
When you go behind that little screen thing to have your iron levels checked with that thing on your finger, just have a quick word with the nurse and ask her if it's okay. It might be difficult to bring up, but they should be okay with it and will tell you if you're still able to or not.
I should think as long as the cuts are not infected and your iron levels are okay then you should still be able to give blood.
It went fine. They questioned a scratched bump, noted that it was dry and not infected. I think they were looking for a needle mark though.
As for quitting... I do want to. I don't feel like it's been 2 weeks though, I feel like it's the 2 weeks plus the year or so it went on before. I'm taking some good steps with my other problems, quitting si would make it so much harder. It will leave me no better off I know... It's so hard to make sense of all of it...
i cant wait to give blood this coming wednesday i'm booked in for 6pm but i know when i get there i'm going 2 freak out as the last time i went i was there with my boyfriend and they say not to eat just before giving blood and my boyfriend did so he fanted and started forming at the mouth then had a small fit i watched this happen this left me crying and had to be looked after aswell so i'm going to freak out wednesday when the time comes to give blood but i have never missed giving blood since i started doing it at 17/18yr's old
So how can you tell me you're lonely,
And say for you that the sun don't shine?
Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London
I'll show you something to make you change your mind
Just to say thankyou to all who give blood, i've had to have a number of large transfusions as my blood count likes to randomly drop through the floor (unrelated to SI) probably due to my crohns disease.
I also have a friend who SI's and she's given blood fine. I think its just some medications, weight and anaemia, heart conditions and stuff like that that are reasons not to be able to give blood.
~~I'm FINE...on the outside~~
~~Beneath the surface lies a shattered heart and an exhausted soul, simply longing... just longing to be whole~~
