Adult - im embarrased. *talks about sex*

[*..life in pain..*]

Although i have had sex many times, i have never had an orgasm. why is that? does it mean that i have not had sex properly?

[zowie]

Completely normal. Loads of people go without orgasms for decades before they find the right way of doing it.
I've only had an orgasm during sex about 5 times and have been sexually active for five years. That's one a year :P
It doesn't mean you're never going to have an orgasm, it just means you haven't found what suits you. Are you relaxed during sex? If you worry too much about having an orgasm it can stop you from having one.
Hope I've helped, and don't be embarrased!! x

[popcorn]

Erm, 'proper' sex and orgasms aren't necessarily related. Also I have heard that many women will not have orgasms in heterosexual intercourse without additional assistance... like direct stimulation of the clitoris. I would suggest that you experiment with solo sex, trying to figure out what you like and what gives you pleasure. Then if you like you can help tell a partner what will work for you.

But-- please don't feel too embarrassed! I think you are so not alone in this. Because women's genitals are mostly interior, as opposed to men's, they are often perceived/treated as this big mystery-- girls are routinely not even taught about their own basic anatomy, and girls/women are culturally or whatever much less likely to masturbate, and so many women grow up with their own sexuality as a mystery to them. Also there has been so much misinformation about women's sexualities spread by men (like the lovely Freud). I have known of women who have been married for a long time who've never had an orgasm. So really, it's great that you're aware of this and you're not 50!
Good luck.

*Also-- I should note that orgasms are not the be-all and end-all of sex. An orgasm can be nice but doesn't have to be the main goal of a sexual interlude, so while I would recommend exploration, try not to get too hung up on whether or not you climax. Great sex does not always have to mean an orgasm, and some women (and men) aren't particularly orgasmic.

[*..life in pain..*]

thanks for the replies. im glad im not alone...

[Queen Crabbit]

Hi :)

Can/do you orgasm during masturbation? Either with just your hands or with a vibrator? When you have sex does your partner spend a lot of time stimulating your clitoris, or is it basically just penetration?

It took me about 6 months of extremely hard work to even orgasm through oral stimulation on my clit, and then longer to be able to orgasm every now and then through penetrative sex [woman on top, so that you can stimulate your clit at the same time as bouncing up and down].

Keep trying, and it'll happen :) If you can orgasm yourself, then get your partner to watch you do it. You can even turn it into a sex-game where-by he's "spying" on you playing with yourself, so it doesn't seem so "this is what I want you to do" for him.

Hope this helps.

Chelsea xxx

[Queen Crabbit]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eleutheros

Often found, and still do, that as soon as I acknowledge that an orgasm is building, it vanishes. Took me some time to train myself not to think "oh I am coming" and to just relax into it.

One of my ex's used to get really pissed off that I didn't tell him when I was about to come, and I was like "IF I TELL YOU, I WON'T".

Men!

[fragile as glass]

An old therapist of mine gave me some good advice about orgasms. She said 'how can you expect someone else to give you an orgasm if you cant give yourself one'. She encouraged solo masturbation with or without a vibrator. She said to find a time when i wouldnt be disturbed and had privacy so i could relax. She said to experiment with where to touch, how soft/hard to go etc. She said not to get dispondant if for the first few times and the more you relax the more likely it is to happen. She said that when YOU know how to pleasure yourself it is then you can teach others to pleasure you.

I found it great advice and now orgasm every time i 'play' be it alone or with a partner

[effervescence]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eleutheros

more knowing what to expect in my own head if that makes sense.

Often found, and still do, that as soon as I acknowledge that an orgasm is building, it vanishes. Took me some time to train myself not to think "oh I am coming" and to just relax into it.

indeed.

most women find it hard to orgasm with just penetrative sex. i suggest trying oral sex and/or just playing around with foreplay for a while and seeing what feels good.

[*..life in pain..*]

when i masturbate i can get orgasm more easily. i don't know if its orgasm though.