Triggering (SI) - How to reward someone for not cutting?
Well, my boyfriend has been really supportive in trying to help me stop self harming. He understands that it's a very long and difficult process, and we had the idea of setting small goals at first--like going just a day or 2 without cutting--and then slowly increasing that to longer spans of time as I build back my tolerance and get better. He wants to reward me somehow with little things for each time I complete a goal--like not cutting for an entire day--but he's having a hard time thinking of things to reward me with, since it'll be such short term goals in the beginning.
Has anyone ever done anything like this before?
What do you suggest?
Ideas?
Thank you lots
That sounds like a great idea. Sounds like you got a great supportive boyfriend.
He could...
Cook you a meal or take you out for one.
Do your housework for you.
Buy you a top.
Some flowers.
A CD.
Take you to the cinema or stay in and watch one together.
Go bowling.
Is there anything that you have wanted or wanted to do for ages that isn't too expensive?
x
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
I'd do step by step. For example, maybe book you've been wanting for a day. A CD for a week. A sweatshirt for two weeks. A DVD for a month. Just gradually work your way up. :)
"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place." - Anon
"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. " - FDR
yea... I would say non expensive stuff in the beggining (so he can save up for later on :) )..... Maybe a cd and people have said, a stuffed animal, clothes, a movie, a day where he waits hand and foot on you....
Big Sister:Squiggles Little Sister: PaintItBlack Cousins: dereksarah, Hollz
Agreed on the cuddle thing. It doesn't have to be anything big, in my opinion. Maybe just a night where he turns off the tv or video games and spends the night 100% with you, or doing something you want to do.
Thanks so much for your guys's help. I really appreciate all your ideas.
I let my boyrfriend read your responses, so hopefully he'll come up with some stuff. If I can make it through today with cutting then I get a present! :]
If anyone any more ideas, feel free to share. Everything helps :]
I would actually not suggest the cuddle thing. It may come out that you only deserve to be "cuddled" or "hugged" when you're doing well. I doubt if that is the impression you're getting, but I wouldn't want you to feel like that.
"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place." - Anon
"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. " - FDR
I have to agree ^.
More often than not, self harmers think irrationally and often feel worthless for "breaking the cycle" of recovery, so you may feel that you don't deserve a cuddle if you have a slip up - which will lead to more self harm for feeling useless, etc.
How about something like a little ornament? Or, some sweets? A bit of make-up?
Something you can keep would be nice.
Even a card would be nice - maybe a hand made one, or a brought one?
Or a teddy..heh.
Goodluck hun xx
my friend wrote me a story and every week i didn't she added on another page or put a picture in it, it was just a silly little story that made me giggle but i looked forward to it and it was free but meant a lot
'The nights of crying your eyes out give way to the days of laughter' Psalm 30 v 5
Yeah, the cuddle thing makes alot sense now that I've been thinking about it. We're gonna try to avoid using that as a reward because of what everyone said about that. But I like the idea of having a night that he spends 100% with me. The other ideas are good too, like a card, or a movie, or some flowers or dinner. Those kind of things not only make me feel special and proud of myself for making it that far, but they're also a great distraction.
Thanks so much for your guys's advice.
Please feel free to share more. I love reading it and it gives us great ideas for plans =]
I'm excited. Tomorrow will be the end of my first week cut-free. He owes me a present =]
My boyfriend tried doing the same for me. What we did, was he promised to give something up with me so I wouldn't be so lonely. So we'd be working together. And we did a a point chart, like for every day we didn't we'd get two points and for every day we did the thing we werent suppose to (for me cutting) we'd lose a point. Who ever made it to ten points first won. If I won, he would make me something, like a card or write me a song. Once I even decorated a shoe box with paper and magazine cut outs for him.
We both love giving each other things, so like if I lost, it wasnt exactly like I had because I still was able to make him something. It was lots of fun and really helped me. And since to point is to make everything, it wasn't expensive.
So myabe you could try to do something like that. Just make sure you enjoy both parts so that you don't get upset and feel bad because you couldn't do it.
****Plus, we would both make a prize before the time was up, so when I was really upset and wanted to cut I would just focus on making whatever I was making. This even turned out to be a good distaction. :))
Hopefully doing something like this may help you too. :))
