Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Money trouble, job trouble, and nightmares.
Sorry for making a new thread. It's not that I don't appreciate the advice and support given to me on the other one, more that it turned into a Venting thread for me & wasn't really being helpful any more - I've locked it so it should fall off the page soon-ish.
I have a few things I need advice on, and a few things I just need to get off my chest.
Basically, the main point of worry for me at the moment is jobs and money. I currently have NO income what-so-ever, and about £40 in the bank. On the 1st November, I have to pay £250 rent, £?? council tax [no idea how much yet, but could be around £100]. Before that I have to pay around £40 in bills. I have been looking for a job, I have gone to all the temp agency's and signed up, I have gone to Southampton Football Club as they always have temporary part time jobs going, I have handed out CVs all the way down Portswood High-Street [the area of Southampton I live in]. Tomorrow I'm going into town armed with about 30 copies of my CV to give out to the main ASDA in town, all the shops in the shopping mall, etc etc. I'm also doing a lot of job hunting online as well.
I have a fair amount of experience, but not in the stuff I need it in, which is a pain in the ass. Like, 3 years of office work for a publishing company with a glowing reference, which is brilliant, but not exactly what I need to get a part-time job in a shop, just to tide me over 'til I get something more permanant.
It's really getting me down. I can't afford to go out with my mates [even spending a couple of quid isn't exactly within my spending limit]; I can't afford to buy nice food [and the people that know me will know that cooking is one of my greatest passions, and having to live off of fish finger sammiches and 7p noodles is icky]. It's just, urgh.
Least it means I'm not living with my Dad, right? My Dad who's offered to pay November's rent for me, "because I [he] love you [me]". Maybe I got it all wrong? Maybe I'm just a selfish bitch who made it seem like it was much worse than it was? Maybe this is a mind-****. I don't know.
I'm also having a lot of nightmares again.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : sexual abuse triggering
They mostly involve being analy raped, having my genitals cut/cut off [which is making me have wierd little 2 minute fantasies in my head about doing it myself so that he can't, even though I know that he can't], having my head put down the toilet that he's just shat in [this actually happened].
The nightmares are a mixture of stuff that's happened to me, stuff that he said he'd to do me and stuff that I wouldn't put it past him to do. Nothing so absurd or extreme that it's completely impossible that he'd've done it, which is more of a mind-****, because I wake up and it's like "what if he actually did X Y or Z". Even though I know he didn't, unless he did and I blocked it out completely? But then if I start thinking like that I might convince myself that lots of stuff happened to me that didn't. So I don't know - how do you know what's a suppressed memory, what's completely in your head etc etc etc?
I think I'll finish there, because it's a bit of an essay as it is. Thanks for reading, and any advice about any of this [even if it's a "pull your finger out and start looking for jobs properly you lazy bitch"] will be more than appreciated.
*Hugs Chels*
I know what money problems are like, and how stressful they are.
I have to ask though - have you been to all the supermarkets in your area?
I've got lots of retail experience and there has always been jobs going in every supermarket i've worked in. They're always looking for checkout staff, or shelf stackers. I know it's not ideal but it will tide you over like you say until you find something else.
Especially with christmas coming up, and uni students coming back for christmas, there's bound to be lots of places in supermarkets.
Goodluck with the job hunting hun.
Keep your chin up.
Sorry this is a bit..useless, heh.
lots of love
xx
I have been to all the supermarkets in Portswood [although they're more like Tesco Express type ones, rather than big supermarkets]. I am going to go and check out Asda tomorrow [walking distance = save money on bus fare] and then if no luck with that I'll go to Tesco etc.
Nightmares are horrible, and probably even more triggered off because you're feeling stressed by other things going on in your life. I know what you mean by wondering whether things in your nightmares were real or not. Sometimes we can dream of things happening that we don't think did, but highlights a particular feeling or worry if we look into them a bit more. For instance - if you had a dream of having "that part" cut off (I have trouble saying certain words, sorry), could this be because in the back of your mind, you view it as dirty and don't want it to be part of you anymore? Am I making any sense?
Sometimes writing down the nightmares in a book and hiding it so we have "control" over them, or writing them on paper and then destroying the paper somehow can help. If there's anyway you can "wake yourself up" from the nightmare while it's happening, that could be useful too. And take good care of yourself the day after a bad dream - I know I'm very clingy and triggered after a bad night. But you don't deserve any more nasty stuff than you've already had, so try and look after yourself if you do get anymore nasty nightmares.
There's a bit of an essay in reply, sorry :\ Pointless reply, I know. But.
Chels1 <3 I hope you feel a bit better soon and good luck with the work!
Hon is there something thats stopping you signing on to jobseekers allowance and getting housing benifit? I know benifits suck but they can be a saving grace whilst you find a job
i was unemployed for six months, applying for jobs most days of the week and not getting any income after my job seekers ran out. I've JUST got a job. So i want too let you know that if you are persistant it will pay off at some point i promise you.
Nightmares are funny things. I red somewhere, and i think it might have been on here i can't remember, but it helps me. Try and draw out the dream but draw it out so it has a funny ending. Then it helps you associate the bad dream with something good. This may especially help as your dreams are so graphic. I know it's helped me a little bit.
Other than that, there are lots of people here too support you.
[x]
~*~ Proud Cat Owner ~*~
"The smallest feline is a masterpiece." - Leonardo Da Vinci
LIttle Chel's idea of writing down nightmares is a good one, however I don't keep mine in a book, I destroy the paper its written on afterwards, so its sort of like its out of me, but not hanging around. With regards to what's a supressed memory and what's not, I don't think its possible to ever know, but then my support worker told me that it's not important, if both would affect you equally, then both are valid experiences.
Have you approached citizens advice to see if your entitled to any benefits whilst you are looking for work? I know job-seekers is hardly great money, but it would be something right? This time of year there are usually quite a few shops that are looking for seasonal workers to help with the christmas shoppers, TK Maxx are one that always seem to be recruiting, I don't know if you have one locally to you? If the usual job's don't seem to be forthcoming, be creative, post offices sometimes have people looking for people to do ironing/babysitting/dog-walking. Again it's not great money, but as a short stop-gap when things seem to be quite desperate for you.
secondly, your dad is a ****wit and deserves to be slapped. I imagine if he payed rent, there would be all sorts of catches? So you're not antyhing bad. you dad is a dick.
With the nightmares... I got nothing. *cuddles* Try mini chels' idea? And Heidi's idea? *pets*
With the job hunting... I KNOW how sucky that is. But persistance will get you there. My advice is to keep ringing the people you've taken your cv too and keep harrassing them. Eventually you will get a job! Unfortunately... it takes time >.<
*cuddles*
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Right, so I filled in an online form for Jobseekers today, expecting a call back in the next couple of days. It takes a while to go through, so I'll either find something soonish, and then cancel it, or find something later which I'll then be like "jobseekers = money", even if it's crap it's better than nothing. I have to find a job before the beginning of November though as I have to be able to pay my rent in December!
I'm going into town/to the supermarkets today, so wish me luck!
This would be soo much easier if I wasn't awake 'til at least 2/3am every night because I'm too scared to sleep :|
I wish i had a suggestion for the nightmares, but i do understand how distressing nightmares can be, i've been suffering with them on and off for several months.
I hope they settle down soon hun, i really do.
In regards to JSA - it's unlikely you'll recieve it before November - although you will if you're really lucky - but it took me a while when i claimed it, this is going back a few years though.
The jobcentre really looked down there noses at me when i was on JSA despite proving every week the amount of jobs i was searching for! Gah.
Goodluck today hun. There should be places at your local supermarkets, i've not come across a supermarket yet that hasn't got job vacancies and they're usually willing to accept anyone with or without experience. You will probably have more luck at a bigger store rather than the Tesco Express ones, as they only have around 6 places which are usually filled by people working at the local Tesco.
Let us know how you get on!
Oh and if you would like any help with any of the questions or whatever on the application form for retail/supermarket work, give us a shout as i've filled so many in over the years!
*More hugs*
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well the way I look at it, is if I apply for it now, when I'm REALLY skint I won't have to wait AGES for it to come through, although I don't really know much about this and would obviously much rather not be on it [apart from everything else, sitting on my arse all day is getting mighty boring! I need something to DO with myself!].
I'm gonna jump in the shower now [all those who have replied are welcome to join me ;)] and then go down there. Although I've just had a look and I can apply online - would it be better to go down there or just do it online?
If youre applying for JSA its pretty good.....they make you come in and show them what jobs youve applied for and give you hints etc. My bfs was on it until he managed to get a job and he said he thought he could be lazy and get it but apparently not!
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
You can still be "lazy" and be on JSA. I came across many scroungers when i had to sign on, who would openly boast outside while having a cigarette that they haven't jobhunted but will still put companies names down as it's rare they'll look it up, which is true, as they never checked up on me. If you show that you're frequently looking for jobs i don't think they're bothered.
Although obviously i wouldn't recommend being lazy! I know i worked my butt off for 6 months trying to find jobs, which made me angry when i heard these people go on about how they were just lazing around. But yeh..it's still do-able, and is done often by layabouts. Gives the rest of us a bad name!
Do you mean you can apply for jobs online at the supermarkets, or for JSA?
If it's the supermarkets i'd recommend going down as it gives a good impression if you give a hand written application, well, in my personal experience anyway!
I have no intention of being "lazy" on JSA. The last week I have been climbing the walls I've been so bored, I need a reason to get me out and doing stuff. I've also felt more **** for not having a daily routine etc, I don't HAVE to get up/get dressed or whatever so I'm not, and when I feel a bit low I'm letting it grab hold of me completely [like now].
I didn't mean you hun - i was replying to griddlebone that sadly people are lazy on it, which gives the rest of us who really want a job and try our hardest to get one a bad name!!
I've been unemployed for a year now because of my illness.
It kills me that i don't have a job, i miss the routine, the socialising, the income.
I also know though for me it would be impossible to work in the state i'm in - which gets me frustrated for being like this. Pah.
But when i was unemployed for 6 months in 2006 (i got a part time job in a pub and a part time job in my local newsagents - best year of my life!) it done my HEAD in. I was also climbing the walls with boredom! So i sympathise completely with you.
Something will come along soon hun. Just try and stay positive and keep your chin up.
And hey, your allowed to stay in your PJ's all day and not bother to get dressed! I never get dressed! I walk around naked! ;)
No, i'm kidding, haha. I have my PJ's on also! :P
hugs xx
I looked at Asda and Tesco's online and neither has any job vacancies, but I'm going to go in anyway and talk to them/hand a CV in/get an application form or something.
