Having more kids after mental health diagnosis. Advice please
Hi, sorry for takin up space here. dont really expect replies just wanted to know if anyone has any advice or anything at all to help. My girlfriend and I have a daughter (mine from previous hetro relationship, father has nothing to do with her and not interested) But we would love to have a baby together but being both female kinda makes that really hard. I know we both need to get better head wise first cos neither of us are very well at the minute but gettin help (both about to get CPNs, littlelou 1st sees hers next week and i;m waitin to hear about mine) We both want a bigger family more than anything but now we are involved with psychiatric services I'm sure it will never happen. due to the whole lacking sperm thing we would need GP to refer to somewhere like assisted conception unit to get donor sperm. We can't really afford to pay out the thousands of pounds that the private clinics insist on. Our local NHS assisted conception unit does it cheaper to get donor sperm but we would need GP referral. There is no way on earth they would refer us to that . It is so totally unfair. We have done a good job with our daughter (Lou has been her other mum since she was 2) so we cant be bad parents but if we were a straight couple regardless of any mental health I could just knock her up and be done with it. Look at all these kids growing up with abusive druggie negligent parents and we cant have another one. I couldnt cope wiht the idea that we could never have a baby together i just cant. I know Lou couldnt either. it just doesnt seem fair. If we found a private donor like offline or some random male, I'm terrified they'd try to then remove the baby from us because we aren't totally sane. Oh I dont know Sorry just ignore me please Lil x
It is a difficult situation. And I know it must seem unfair when any heterosexual couple can get pregnant regardless of the life they can give that child. However it doesn't mean those children would neccessarily remain with the birth parents, lots of children are taken into care to get them out of bad situations.
And I'm not doubting that you would make great parents, however with donor sperm obviously the NHS is going to try and make sure it only goes to people who would totally cope with a baby. Whilst they may not accept you now, having a mental health condition is no barrier to having a child. Perhaps a few years down the line both of you may be more stable and in a better position to seek a sperm donor.
no one is totally sane regardless of diagnoses. You would be put under the same crutiny as anyone. The evaluation process would be like a risk assessment i think.
If and when you get to the point where you are both stable and able then i dont see why there would be a problem.
use this as a real motivator for the pair of you to work on getting better and sticking at it. Its a real thing to look forward to. what a lovely goal too to give love and life to a little person.
im sure you would both be lovely.
Even loonies make nice mommies! *nods*
Erm who would be the mummy-mummy and who would be the mummy-daddy?
At the minute with our daughter I'm more the mummy mummy and Lou's the mummy daddy if you could call it that. We havent a clue if it will call us the same as our daughter does (i'm mum and she's loulou) But i do know 1 thing, I have no intentions of going through labour again lol it's her turn! (although I do have a medical get out clause, I have a knackered back and am on a lot of medication almost none of which is licensed for use during pregnancy) *giggles*
In my view, and experience with my own untreated depressed parents, far better to have a diagnosis and be in treatment. Therapy makes you more self aware, and more understanding with children. My parents had... nothing. And it was A Mess.
I don't see how mental health issues should affect sperm donation, but i am totally clueless about the whole process. My partner, Claire, and I have also spoken a lot of our wish to have children together (we have three from her previous hetero relationship) apparently she has had enough of giving birth and its my turn lol, not sure how I feel about that! The stumbling block we have is that I'm also on a lot of medication and medical advice is to not get pregnant, and that I need the meds for the forseeable future. Because of this I can empathise with your difficulties. btw ninja, I am the mummy-daddy lol, though the kids just call me Suzanne. However there was a time when I was Auntie Suzanne lol.
I don't have any advice I'm afraid - I am in the same situation although my wife is not insane,thats just me!!
We have gone down the "friend" sperm donation route that way you aren't held to the same issues as you would be if a GP were involved, although this is more to do with Money than my mental health...
All I have to do now is make sure i hide my insanity until the deeed is done....
.gif "rose")
