Hi,
Something I've noticed a lot around the site is people not being grateful for the advice they are given. Recently I've seen a couple of cases where people with worthwhile advice have been made out to be unhelpful because the OP didn't like the advice given.
Now I know no one wants to hear that they are in the wrong, or they need to grow up, or not going to hospital after that OD really is a stupid thing to do. Which are things I think people need to be told, but in a tactful way. And most of the time people are tactful, people don't need to be babied and pandered to, constructive criticism is far more useful sometimes than meaningless platitudes.
I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has noticed this? And just to point out to people, you may not always like the advice offered to you, but people offer it because they think it will help you, so be grateful for it, you may not always agree with it, but at least try to take it on board.
YES YES.
i think a lot of the people on this site (& probably everywhere in the world) need to be told some harsh truths. & even though i don't know the poster i might reply with something that i normally would not say to a stranger but i would say to someone i actually care about like that they are being stupid or immature or they need to get over themselves, and okay i don't quite say it like that but thats usually what i mean. but thats only because i want people to realise that is no no no good for people to constantly be like "it's okay to feel like that don't worry!" because usually that is bullshit. i know some people are only here for sympathy/hugs/support, or that sometimes people need that, but that is how people stay static and never recover, in my opinion.
okay this actually has nothing to do with being ungrateful but yeahhh. basically i think people should be grateful because they would bitch so hard if noone replied to their thread at all, and nobody here HAS to reply to anything, especially not support threads. everyone does it out of respect & a desire to help.
Totally agree with Heidi and Linder....
Sometimes the truth is better than false reassurance. Plus the vast majority of people on this site are just trying to help.
Just what I think
Oh, and Linder Surprise, I love your avatar
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
Some people may be too anxious to be grateful though.
I don't quite understand what you mean? If you've managed to make a thread and people have replied you can atleast make a reply saying 'Thanks for the help guys it's appreciated' Or if you don't want to bump it back up again, PM people that have replied.
It bugs me when i reply to support threads and the OP doesn't even say a simple thank you.
Linda, i agree with you. I also agree with what_the? about your avatar!
Ali xox
With demons dancing off mirror images reflecting all that you wanted.
So far from perfect, onward we will strive.
Take it for what it's worth, this truth that you've realized.
You're not who you thought you were, it's time to see the other side of what you have become.
I'm not too bothered if people are too anxious to say thankyou, though it would be nice. What I'm talking about here is cases when people have gone out of their way to be ungrateful because the advice given is contrary to what they want to be told Black Rose.
Couldn't agree more.
I've often left threads after being spoken to in a rude manner as they didn't appreciate my advice/support.
I think people don't take into account that pretty much everyone on this website is in a vulnerable position themselves, which should be all the more reason for others to be grateful as someone has gone out of there way - despite feeling low themselves - to offer advice & support. It's a bit of a smack in the face when it's rejected and thrown back at you, when you were of the belief that you were actually helping in some way.
I know some people are very defensive & sensitive (myself being one of them), and often enough those types of people will feel upset and take it personally - even though it isn't meant in that way. I've taken things the wrong way many times, and later PM'd individuals to apologise and explain my reasoning behind my reaction. However, i have NEVER not said thankyou for the support given to me.
In my case, i'd be overwhelmed with a simple hug, let alone advice/support!
I often get irked when i go on the First Aid Forum. The First Aid Advisors work very hard to give good medical advice when necessary, but i have seen cases where people have dismissed the advice given - without a thankyou - and often say "Forget it", in quite a snarky way.
If people aren't going to take the medical advice given, they really shouldn't post for advice. Or atleast show some appreciation!
This is why i kinda gave up supporting on the boards as much as i did; i now keep it more private through PM and other means as it's more personal and one to one. It wasn't exactly helping my own self-esteem on the boards, I understand that people may not like the advice but then a "thankyou, but...." would be okay rather than "no, your advice doesn't really help as".
I think some people also think it's a right to have people reply, not so much a privileged.
Yeah I hate it when I see people being ungrateful or rude to the people who have taken the time and effort to reply to their threads. I guess it will always happen though, I just try and stay polite however I'm feeling or if not I'll PM and say sorry for how I was and explain I do appreciate the response.
See I cannot feel this, not matter how you try and in the real world, there's no goodbyes.
I dislike it to, but what gets me most is when you tell them the truth and then you get warned or penalized for telling them the truth, because it's 'mean, horrible and upsetful'.
Which the truth generally is.
I always try to thank people. it's rude not to, somebody has taken time out of their day to help you and post advice for you, but then you just ignore it and dont even bother to type thank you which would take all of three seconds. It annoys me so much.
I dislike it to, but what gets me most is when you tell them the truth and then you get warned or penalized for telling them the truth, because it's 'mean, horrible and upsetful'.
Which the truth generally is.
I always try to thank people. it's rude not to, somebody has taken time out of their day to help you and post advice for you, but then you just ignore it and dont even bother to type thank you which would take all of three seconds. It annoys me so much.
to be fair though, people usually get warned/penalized because of the way things are said, not what is being said. If that makes sense?
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
This is why i kinda gave up supporting on the boards as much as i did; i now keep it more private through PM and other means as it's more personal and one to one. It wasn't exactly helping my own self-esteem on the boards, I understand that people may not like the advice but then a "thankyou, but...." would be okay rather than "no, your advice doesn't really help as".
I think some people also think it's a right to have people reply, not so much a privileged.
Yup, completly agree and that's one of my reasons for not supporting on the boards as much recently.
Ali xox
With demons dancing off mirror images reflecting all that you wanted.
So far from perfect, onward we will strive.
Take it for what it's worth, this truth that you've realized.
You're not who you thought you were, it's time to see the other side of what you have become.
I always say thankyou but I do worry that people think I am ungrateful >.<
I am not but I hope people dont think I am.
But I have never actually seen anyone say things that I thought were ungrateful but maybe I am just missing these threads
But it does bug me when the op doesnt reply or say anything so you wonder if any advice/support has been a waste
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
Yeah, I find this quite a lot and it really does annoy me at times. I sometimes spend a lot of time and effort on RYL and at the moment I have a pretty busy life as it is and then to give people advice and to have people literally say they'll just ignore everything I've said because it's not what they wanted to hear to get a bit tiredsome. It often makes me wonder why I bother and why people make threads. When I've made threads I am after people's suggestions and will think about EVERYTHING someone suggests whereas other people seem to make them but then disregard every bit of advice given straight away.
Yes I understand at points it is hard for people to take advice on board and I understand that but maybe if they don't post their instant response if it is going to be negative towards the person that made it and then look back when they're feeling slightly better or after having a think about it and at least write a more neutral response or one just saying how they are doing or thanking people for their replies would be a great thing to encorage people to support more and not put them off it
when i reply to a thread its because i want to help, i dont reply to a thread so someone can thank me. if they do its nice, if they dont its not like im not going to reply to them again.
However if someone was rude to me after i tried to help them it would annoy me.
What pisses me off no end is people keep posting about the same issues and never taking the advice that they are given. Not just advice from me but advice from anyone. whats the point in asking for advice if you dont take it. I know its hard sometimes to take advice but it pisses me off when its done repetitively.
