Triggering (Substance Abuse) - history repeating itself (bit long sorry)

[lady-philotas]

at the age of 14/15 i had a fairly serious drinking problem. i didnt even realise at th time but its only looking back i realise how lucky i was to get my life back on track. i was drinking roughly 6 days a week, no matter what. i didnt have the money so i was robbing off my parents constantly. id drink when no one else was drinking, sometimes bringing mixed vodka in a bottle to school, and even had drink stashed under my bed and would drink before going to sleep. My parents had no idea until i got arrested at the age of 15 for drinking, and a few months later i got a job and calmed down. although i lost friends because of my drinking, my family never knew i had a problem ,to them i was a rebellious teen.

Even tho i stopped drinking so often, when i drink id still drink heavily, often passing out, being really sick and once having sexwith a guy because i was to drunk to get him to stop.

Now im 18, and the temptations becoming too much. In the past 2 weeks iv been drinking about 8 or 9 days, which is fairly bad considering im still in school. im just worried that its going to end up being a problem for me again. im one of thos people that gets compltely depressed for the 2 or 3 days after drinking, and i find myself wanting to drink again to get myself out of that depression. Maybe im just being over paranoid, but i dont think i can go through what i did before, especially not in my most important year in school. the sensible option seems to be to stop drinking, but its not that easy i just cant.
Please tell me i'm worrying over nothing?

[[pretty on the inside]]

I wouldn't say that you're worrying about nothing. It sounds like this could quite easily become a more serious problem for you. Perhaps you should try not to keep alcohol in the house so that it won't be there for you to drink? I can relate to feeling so depressed after drinking, but if you drink more to make yoursef feel better then it will become a viscious cycle and you will only make things worse for yourself.
Did somehting happen to trigger you to start drinking again?
xx

[lady-philotas]

thats my main problem really, for instance got really drunk last night, was feeling crap all day so then went drinking again tonight. I honestly don't know what it is that makes me want to feel like this, but just feel so much more relaxed after a few drinks, like everything else just doesnt matter and like i've nothing to worry about. then i sober up, and everything seems so much worse and all the worries and stress comes back, and the only way to get rid of it is to do it all over again. i don't mean that i'm doing it everyday, just a few days a week, but it seems i have a completely different attitude to drink compared to my friends.

Maybe its just the stress of my last year in school, and not doing well, or maybe thats caused by my drinking, i honestly don't know.