Im just finding stuff so hard at the moment.
Im with someone, but she doesn't want anyone else to know. This in itself doesn't feel good. But the fact she constantly tells someone else she wants them to be there when she is low... thats what hurts the most. Surely as a girlfriend, she should want me more? Maybe Im being selfish. But I sometimes get the feeling that she only took me back so she can break me the way I broke her.... if that's what she wants to do I wish she would hurry up. Because loveing her hurts. She loves someone else. I feel like I am filling a void. Like, when she is with me, she pretends I am this other person. If that makes sense?
Then there are the family issues. My family treat me like im still 13. Won't let me go away at the weekend. So I do what any 13 years old would do. I rebel. Except I'm not 13 anymore. Im 20 years old. In the eyes of the law I am an adult. Which, is why I can't even get out of here. Because I am an adult noone can help! The way my sister behaves she is 18 going on 3. My 4 year old cousin is better behaved and throws less tantrums than her.
I want to be held.
I want to know someone cares.
I want to know that, no matter what, someone loves me. Dont get me wrong. My best friend loves me to bits. But I feel so bad putting all my crap on her all the time. Its not fair on her. Really.
Im sorry if none of this makes sense. But I needed to get it out before I burn out.
I really just want to scream to let it out but I can't.
Sorry for posting
Gemz
x
